S3 E18: Sex, Supplements & Definitely Calling My Therapist

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Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and Crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great and it's real.

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Welcome to Jerkin' Around, welcome.

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Tisha was getting jerked around last night in the bedroom and on the podcast Online, online, we went mini viral for us.

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Yes, we had a reel that did well.

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Last week's episode.

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Yep, it's at like 280,000 and I talking and I am getting just eaten alive.

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I'm talking too.

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I started it, yeah, but it's like the horrible part is what I'm saying.

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It's not horrible, that's what's so stupid?

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I know If you said that to me right now you wouldn't think anything of it.

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I know it's annoying, yeah, so stop letting people boss you around, I know, but Would you like Kennedy change who she is based on other people's opinions?

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I don't think I'd like her to post that.

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Are you serious?

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Well, I'm like, yeah, you're gonna get just lit up.

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It's stupid.

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The thing she's talking about is when Tisha said sometimes women play dead, yes, so that the husband doesn't want to have sex.

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I said I don't want to give him the green light and then everyone in the comments is like your marriage is like like people are dming Ben, I'll give it to you every night.

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Probably they're not.

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No, they're not, they probably will after.

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But, like, what was the most upsetting is saying like, oh, you're going to be divorced in five years and you're going to look back at this video and know why.

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And I'm thinking they said that yes, like multiple people.

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These people are want to be in TikTok and you want to be in the age range.

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There are some older people on TikTok who, yeah, ben even said he goes.

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Yeah, some older people have it, but yeah, some, yes, not all.

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Most young, most young, yes, yes, yeah.

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So everyone was saying how that it's.

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It's so just wrong and toxic.

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We don't want to be anti-men.

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We're actually very pro-men Pro and pro-sex with your husband, yeah, and Tisha's pro the other type of sex too.

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We have a lot.

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Keep the one hole fresh, no.

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Oh yeah, we actually do it a lot, and so it's all I said was sometimes.

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You don't need to justify yourself on here.

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I am going here.

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Justify it, though I almost made a video last night.

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I almost went live, but I couldn't do it because I'm just like I dare you do a video when we leave.

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I literally don't think I could do it.

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I've never even pictured you doing a live video.

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I can't even imagine like hey guys, hey guys, it's tish, yeah, and I wanted to go live like more than yes you're.

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I feel like it's, I can go live.

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I don't think I could go live.

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I wanted, wanted to, so bad I wish.

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Oh, I would have if I woke up to that.

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It would be my greatest morning.

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I've never wanted to do something more, I know, but like that's something to think about though, why do you care what those people think?

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Well, what I didn't like was it is so misconstrued from what I'm saying and then reading the comments.

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It's like like, if you don't want to have sex with your husband all the time, it's like making it seem like it's a bad thing and like that's just normal.

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You, what if you had a big meal?

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What if your dog died?

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What if you're just tired?

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Well, I think sometimes you don't want to do it every single second.

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It doesn't mean I'm not doing it, or it doesn't mean I can I have a bad marriage if I don't, if I don't give the green light that night?

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well, I think sex is just something that's not talked about enough, right, like it's talked about when you're dating and it's talked about like you talk to your girlfriends when you're right.

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Well, we waited till we were married to have sex, yes, but but for those of us that maybe didn't and I know you know a lot of girls like that yeah, um, you talk about sex with your friends all the time.

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Yes, like all the time, but as soon as you're married, it's like you don't talk about sex.

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It's weird.

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Well, I feel like our friends do, yeah, but I don't think a lot of people do.

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And what we found why we do this podcast is well, we both talk to a lot of people, right, and we found that, like, a lot of them don't share the truth.

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My favorite thing about you and this is so real is that you say things that other people are scared to say.

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That's why, if we're going to edit the podcast, it's going to suck, because people like you, because you say what people are thinking.

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Yeah, it's like your gift.

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They're just loving me, I know, but those are random, but like all of our friends or people that know you.

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I started getting sad.

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Like do people that maybe don't know us so close but like know of us On TikTok, but that maybe don't know us so close but like know of us on tiktok, but it's on instagram too.

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Nobody cares.

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No, there was negative comments on there too there was three comments, I know, but that's just because it only has 2 000, but I'm saying, the main thing is like I'm like are people seeing this and being like, oh, poor ben, his wife doesn't want to have sex with him, and then it's again it's not accurate.

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So that's what was frustrating.

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You know when that driver was driving and you're like that idiot's a driver, go green at the red yellow.

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This is how I feel.

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When you're talking.

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It's like this is such a stupid conversation over that reel.

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I know the reel is so dumb and the people that are criticizing you are so dumb.

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It's like how you feel about COVID Like yeah, everybody was scaring people, and then you're like the logic is that's how I feel about this.

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I feel like the way you're seeing it is stupid, like I have no logic.

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Yes, yeah, that's it.

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Yes, that's what I'm thinking.

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Yeah, it's like, let's be real, I never known that.

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Knows you, blah, blah, blah.

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But then you're being like dumb with the hype.

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Speaking of the hype, right, that happened to me last week with Mexico.

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We went to Mexico and everybody on the planet was telling me you, I'm not lying, they said it's unsafe, they're going to take your kids and take you.

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You're going to never come home, like my brother was, like we've never, I've never, ever, ever been allowed to go to Mexico.

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There was a trip our freshman year of college, that's like I was telling people this weekend about it and it was like London to Phoebe on Friends.

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Yeah, you know when they all went and they wouldn't shut up about London.

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Yeah, went and they wouldn't shut up about London.

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Yeah, that's how I feel.

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Like how often do you miss one trip with your friends and you're like it's not going to be that big of a deal?

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Right, it was the biggest deal.

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It was the trip heard about, sorry, three years ago, my back's killing me.

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Um, every, still were.

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What 15, 20 years ago?

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Yeah, I still hear about that trip all the time.

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Yeah, all my friends from college went.

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We went like three times in one year.

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It was like every time it was like spring break, memorial, labor day, yeah, oh, I missed all of them.

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Yeah, all of them.

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I thought it was only one trip.

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No, it was all of them.

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So all my good friends these are kids don't have friends like this.

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They told me to lie to my parents and just call them and say I'm in the dorm and go to Mexico.

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Yeah, because I might have done that before.

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I might have went to go see my boyfriend in Phoenix and pretended I was in my dorm.

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Yeah, now we have Life360.

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But Maddie said my daughter said you can lock your location.

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Did you know this?

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No, yes, they can lock their location, so it'll say you're somewhere else.

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So why do they create that?

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I don't know Tish, it's dumb.

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I know the whole point of Life360 is to know where they are, so why do they even create that feature, right?

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That's so dumb.

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Yeah, that's a real thing.

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So Maddie's like well, we can, just because we were doing some work last week and she was like we can just lock our location.

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Gotcha, we were doing something fun for school with some friends and we were going to teepee.

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Yeah, like if you're teepeeing someone.

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That's what I'm saying.

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And we don't want them to know where we were.

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So she's like well, you can lock it at where you're at so that when you move from there it doesn't show that you moved.

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That's concerned.

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So know that, for your kids and parents, know that that's a feature anyways.

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So in Mexico, I kept telling Kyle this, because the day before we left you know you were going to come with us, but then you guys didn't.

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Um, but for the same reasons, a lot of reasons.

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But everyone was like my friends said, like I'm praying for you, I have a really bad feeling.

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I hope you're okay.

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A bad feeling, yes.

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And then I was choosing to go and I was like this I almost died in NCA, I almost died in the plane, yeah, and now Mexico is going to take me.

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Oh, I didn't think it was a bad feeling.

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Oh, everybody was like that and then and then so, when we get there.

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But I was telling Kyle, I was like Kyle, let's be real.

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The night before he's like, I'm really nervous.

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We went to Rocky Point and it was my first time ever going to Rocky Point and he's like, I'm really nervous.

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I'm like Kyle, let's be logical.

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So one of our title agents was there and said it was great, the border was fine, Everything's great.

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One of our best friends had already gotten there.

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Same, Everything's great.

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I'm like.

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So the boots on the ground, people that we actually know Right, are saying it's okay, right, but the hype around the media and like the things going around is that they're mad at Trump and that they're going to take your alcohol and they're going to do this, to do all this.

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Yeah, but I'm like.

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But that's not what we're seeing based on facts, right, so, like, so often, I think we do that, even with flying.

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Yeah, we might do that, right, like you're seeing it in your feed.

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I just got on Instagram right before we started to check it and it was like 12 people died in a plane crash and I'm like, but, but, right, we're starting to worry, but we forget.

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Like we got on an app, me and you, right, and oh, trisha, her husband's a pilot and she showed us the app of all the planes out right now.

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And you're like, okay, logically, there's hundreds of flights a day that are safe.

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But we like easily and how often do our kids do that like something will get, create hysterics and then all of a sudden you're worried about all the things, but they're not fact.

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I feel like COVID did that for me.

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Like when it first came out I was so scared and then once, like a few people I knew had it, we kind of like, okay, right, you know, not that it wasn't scary.

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Like I also know people that it didn't go so well, right, but like it helped us calm down.

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Like, okay, let's go on the facts.

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The facts are the people that have had it, not everyone's dying, yeah, so I just think I don't know.

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I think it's important.

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So, like the facts are people that know you that if you are tired one night or if whatever, you still can have a great marriage and that's a normal thing, because that's the whole reason we started this podcast was because on Instagram, everything looks amazing and like you're just obsessed with your husband 24 seven and like if you eat a big meal, you don't feel like doing it.

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You know, maybe you have, maybe you have farts, you know, it's fine, you don't need to do it that night.

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Me and my other friend always talk about it.

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We do it before the date night, because after the date night you ate and you're full, yeah.

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So we're always like, yeah, we get it in before the date night, cause after the date night I'm tired, but he's like it's date night concerning.

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You know, yeah, so it's fine, it's okay, it's fine.

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And I think if you are doing it all the time, I'm sure there's some that are great and but like that doesn't mean it's a great marriage either.

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If you're just 24 7 doing it, like there can be marriages where you're doing it 24 7 and they're not great.

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Well, I didn't do it till I was married.

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But if I was in a relationship before Kyle and if I, like, hypothetically, was in a relationship before Kyle and hypothetically did do it every single night, we were together.

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Hypothetically I didn't really feel great about that relationship, right?

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I mean like if that were to happen to me, that would have been how I felt, plenty of bad marriages or relationships do it all the time and I talked about it that they rated me high on that sex scale but then rated me low on our relationship scale.

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And again we've talked about how we bring sexual baggage into our marriage.

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That's why we do believe to not have sex until you're married and our friends that have only had one or two partners.

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They don't have as much sexual baggage.

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But I do think there's a lot that goes into why you do or don't want to have sex with your husband at a given night.

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Well, it's talked about, women are very like, it's more emotional and like mental, like if you're not feeling cute or if you have a lot on your mind, if you're stressed.

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Where a guy, it's more like primal, they're more like they could be ready all the time.

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Where a girl, like someone said, a guy's like a microwave and a girl's like an oven, so like the guy, you can just hit one minute and he's ready to go.

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Where a girl, there's a little bit more that goes into it.

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You have to preheat the oven.

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And so I think sometimes with girls, if we're not in the right headspace, you know, maybe you're stressed, maybe if we're kids, like I do's busy and I'm just not like every day, but I am a lot three times a week but not every day.

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But like I think women, if you're not like that, you still can have a great marriage and it there's nothing wrong with you.

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So that was the main purpose of saying that I really I still think I know.

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I'm still so worked up.

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I can't read the comments.

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I'll like it's stupid.

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It's not a big deal, I know I finally got over the Justin Bieber comments.

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I know and now I'm like, oh my God, but anyone I know, every single girl I've ever talked to in my life and I have a lot of friends yeah, has not wanted to have sex every day.

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I feel like I can only think only with that person.

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Yeah, and that's the truth is, if you didn't wait till you're married, you do have some sexual baggage, right, and that's something nobody talks about, right, but when you were having sex every day with a guy that didn't treat you good all the time, unfortunately, you take that to the marriage Totally.

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Have you did?

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Have we talked about it on here, the duct tape that Don Wilson, our old pastor, did?

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Oh yeah, it's the best analogy.

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I want to do it with my kids, I want to do it with my cheerleaders too.

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Not do it, but do this analogy.

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So one time at we always talk about our church CCV, christ Church of Valley, our old pastor, don Wilson, who's amazing, love him.

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He during the service, like you know how.

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So the greeter comes out, welcome to church, blah, blah, he has the duct tape.

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The worship band, the head of the worship band, he has the duct tape.

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Then, you know, the interim, like the campus pastor, comes out, he has the duct tape.

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Then Don came out to do the message and he had the duct tape on.

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He gave the whole message about relationships and he said some of you are probably wondering why we're all wearing this duct tape.

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And so he peeled it off of his shirt and it came off pretty easily.

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He said this is what we think a bond is in a marriage.

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God created sex to be in a big bonding thing.

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For your marriage it's supposed to be between man and woman who are married.

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Only one partner.

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You're really only supposed to have one partner.

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So he said he took the duct tape off and he and he took each side and, like, taped it together and he he said this is a duct tape that has been on five different people today and he pulled it apart.

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And it pulled apart so easily.

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And then he ripped up a fresh piece of duct tape and he put it together like this and he said this is a duct tape that's only stuck to each other once.

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He's like you literally can't pull it apart because it's fresh and it's one bond.

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He's like that's our bodies and especially as women, I think we bond differently when we have sex.

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It's more of a connector for us and he's like as you're, with different partners, the bond gets less and less.

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Yeah, and that was like.

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I wish I would have saw that a few years before, you know you're all playing it like first grade sleepover for your kids here you go kids.

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No, but you don't know that as a kid, and if your parents don't talk to you about sex, like for me, sex was like I grew up in a very Christian household, right Like I've talked about.

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My parents were amazing and kind of cool, but like they were very cool, I would say, but like we didn't talk about sex, you just didn't talk about it.

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It's don't have sex till you're married.

00:14:41.505 --> 00:14:44.309
They talked to us about it at church and that was really it, right.

00:14:44.309 --> 00:14:47.114
So I had a boyfriend, my first boyfriend.

00:14:47.114 --> 00:14:56.520
We were together three years and that's a really long time, yeah, and we waited three years, you know, like you know to kiss and do the things.

00:14:56.520 --> 00:15:02.784
We just have young listeners, but I also am trying to lean into like my story is my story and it's what it is.

00:15:02.784 --> 00:15:05.971
But so we waited a really long time to do anything.

00:15:05.971 --> 00:15:15.432
And then once things elevate they do, you know, even with the door open parents, my parents, thought because the door was open, nothing was happening and things were happening with the door open.

00:15:15.432 --> 00:15:18.869
Yeah, I just think we would put ourselves in that predicament so many times.

00:15:19.169 --> 00:15:23.803
Things escalate, but it like totally changed our relationship and then we broke up shortly after things escalated.

00:15:23.803 --> 00:15:24.524
It's like it just changed.

00:15:24.524 --> 00:15:25.804
And then we broke up shortly after things escalated.

00:15:25.804 --> 00:15:26.365
It's like it just changed.

00:15:26.365 --> 00:15:30.429
Yeah, but I couldn't go to my mom and be like mom, things are escalating, like it just happens.

00:15:30.429 --> 00:15:33.513
You, you kiss, then you dry hump and things are poking.

00:15:33.513 --> 00:15:37.917
Yeah, it gets weird, yeah, and then it's just natural to want that somewhere.

00:15:37.917 --> 00:15:40.581
Yeah, you want it in there, you know.

00:15:40.581 --> 00:15:54.370
But what's sad is like the beginning, when it's like that, like you ruin those moments because, like when you're married and you've had that so many times, it's not like you can't get enough, but like the first time you ever are doing it like you can't get enough.

00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:57.589
But even Don Wilson and his wife.

00:15:57.589 --> 00:16:01.807
Yeah, she talked about playing dead, yes, and they only waited with each other.

00:16:01.807 --> 00:16:03.682
So that's not directly related either?

00:16:03.701 --> 00:16:05.524
No, for sure, I think every girl.

00:16:05.524 --> 00:16:10.327
I think sex is about so much emotionally, yes, and when you don't feel good about your body, you don't want to have sex.

00:16:10.327 --> 00:16:11.068
It's just a thing.

00:16:11.068 --> 00:16:12.990
Yeah, everybody doesn't feel good about their body.

00:16:12.990 --> 00:16:19.179
They don't want to have sex Totally when you, you know, didn't drink enough Lemmy Purse like you, you might worry, she's.

00:16:19.179 --> 00:16:27.140
No but I like all the Lummies.

00:16:27.140 --> 00:16:30.360
Okay, lummies, are these vitamins by Kourtney Kardashian?

00:16:30.419 --> 00:16:35.996
I know I finally just started buying like the Annie's sour gummies because I was eating too many vitamins, because they're her gummies.

00:16:35.996 --> 00:16:37.179
I love a gummy.

00:16:37.179 --> 00:16:37.922
I love a gummy.

00:16:37.922 --> 00:16:40.077
I was eating vitamins like they were candy.

00:16:40.250 --> 00:16:41.792
My friend was like you need to eat gummy bears.

00:16:41.792 --> 00:16:43.313
No, you're getting kidney stones, yeah.

00:16:43.654 --> 00:16:46.999
She was eating Lummies and they're $40 a bottle and she's going to Target.

00:16:46.999 --> 00:16:47.440
I don't care.

00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:52.245
Yeah, she needed them.

00:16:52.245 --> 00:16:55.429
So Lemmy Purr is for your vagina, for it to smell good.

00:16:55.509 --> 00:17:02.150
It's like probiotic for your vagina, and then they taste like pineapple though, and so but I eat all the Lemmys Like.

00:17:02.150 --> 00:17:04.277
I have like 14 Lemmy Chills in a day.

00:17:04.277 --> 00:17:05.380
It's like the Eshawanga.

00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:05.942
Are you kidding?

00:17:08.890 --> 00:17:10.575
chills in a day it's like are you kidding?

00:17:10.575 --> 00:17:11.276
It's not healthy.

00:17:11.276 --> 00:17:15.106
So I stopped and now I'm just buying gummies, yeah, or I'm just buying, like the pot gummies.

00:17:15.106 --> 00:17:18.013
No, annie's, yeah exactly, yeah, yeah, no, just regular, like fruit snacks.

00:17:18.013 --> 00:17:20.641
Oh yeah, I'm just eating fruit snacks now, that's better.

00:17:20.901 --> 00:17:25.661
Well, now I know I'm not losing any weight like I'm eating freaking 10 packs of fruit snacks.

00:17:25.661 --> 00:17:30.832
So let me, yeah, let me purse like, yeah, she's obsessed with Lemmy, I'm obsessed with Lemmy too.

00:17:30.832 --> 00:17:32.477
They taste so good, she nailed it.

00:17:32.477 --> 00:17:32.978
She nailed it.

00:17:32.998 --> 00:17:33.558
She nailed it.

00:17:33.558 --> 00:17:34.441
They taste so good.

00:17:34.441 --> 00:17:34.862
Do they work?

00:17:34.862 --> 00:17:40.123
Probably not, because I had 100 of them and I didn't OD, so they probably don't do anything.

00:17:40.123 --> 00:17:42.558
They're a million dollars and they taste delicious.

00:17:42.970 --> 00:17:43.431
They do taste delicious.

00:17:43.431 --> 00:17:44.113
Some tastes delicious.

00:17:44.113 --> 00:17:44.854
Some of them.

00:17:45.395 --> 00:17:47.359
I don't like the lemmy, but I have like 14 to bloats.

00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:48.522
I'm still bloated.

00:17:55.470 --> 00:17:57.295
They don't work, I don't care, I'm still gonna take them, Throwing money away.

00:17:57.295 --> 00:17:59.400
It's a thing like every time we travel, she takes this life-size bag full of gummies.

00:17:59.400 --> 00:18:00.762
It's like what's wrong with you?

00:18:00.762 --> 00:18:03.195
And they're just rattling around in her bag.

00:18:03.195 --> 00:18:04.941
She's digging you hear all these lemmy bottles.

00:18:04.941 --> 00:18:05.763
And then she's like let me have one.

00:18:05.784 --> 00:18:07.750
She's digging it, you hear all these lovey bottles, and then she's like, let me have one.

00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:10.277
Who's the first one to ask the chill does work, but I don't take it a lot.

00:18:10.277 --> 00:18:11.460
It doesn't work for me.

00:18:11.460 --> 00:18:33.732
No, you've taken so many bottles, but anyways, yeah, I think that the sex I think it's a lot to do with your past and like when you were with a guy that didn't treat you good and you had sex, or if not your past normal person like yeah, suit, yeah, sometimes you're just tired, yeah, it's normal.

00:18:33.628 --> 00:18:34.779
Or like your hormones, like that's what I'm saying my hormones are a mess, like Kyle was asking me the other day.

00:18:34.779 --> 00:18:39.294
He's like you're not like jumping on me like you were when you're dating and I'm like I think my hormones are because I've been off my.

00:18:39.294 --> 00:18:42.872
I've had a hysterectomy years ago and I've been off my hormones for like three months now.

00:18:42.872 --> 00:18:45.616
Yeah, so I don't feel like I'm as you know, know, oh no.

00:18:45.636 --> 00:18:57.959
Our one friend said she got testosterone put in and she said she was like a rabbit, like yeah, she was like like every day, she was like hey, and he was like this is amazing, and I think you go through periods, ben's all shooting me with testosterone at night.

00:18:58.019 --> 00:19:10.208
No, I mean, if you're at three times a week, that doesn't mean you're in a bad marriage either.

00:19:10.208 --> 00:19:11.390
Oh yeah, we talked to our friend that had that.

00:19:11.390 --> 00:19:19.700
Yeah, and like I have family that like the guy or girl, for whatever reason, couldn't have sex anymore, it doesn't mean your marriage is screwed because you can't have sex, right.

00:19:19.980 --> 00:19:20.750
You know they did.

00:19:20.750 --> 00:19:22.051
Yeah, there's other things?

00:19:22.231 --> 00:19:25.195
Yeah, I agree, that's why you got to let him go downstairs, Tish.

00:19:25.696 --> 00:19:27.278
Totally If it stops working.

00:19:27.278 --> 00:19:27.920
He is allowed.

00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:31.305
No, you'll find a way.

00:19:31.305 --> 00:19:34.278
Yeah, yeah, no, I think the thing is, but you know I was.

00:19:34.278 --> 00:19:38.497
So I showed Ben the video and he was like, yeah, that's stupid, who cares?

00:19:38.497 --> 00:19:43.295
He's great about that, he's not like big on social media at all and he thinks it's so stupid.

00:19:43.295 --> 00:19:45.478
And he's like, yeah, who cares what all those people think?

00:19:45.478 --> 00:19:47.942
And he was like they don't know our marriage, who cares?

00:19:47.942 --> 00:19:57.759
And he's like, but you know, that's a good point about our kids Like how you can say something, it can be wildly misconstrued and then you're just getting eaten alive.

00:19:57.819 --> 00:20:20.557
And as a fully formed adult who's pretty confident, I still was like like I feel like my marriage is one of the things I'm most confident in, and to get eaten alive about it it did make me feel some kind of way and I was like, oh, like think how scary for our kids that put something out there, yeah, and then it gets misconstrued and then you're getting all this hate.

00:20:20.557 --> 00:20:23.459
It's like it's so upsetting, yeah.

00:20:23.459 --> 00:20:26.232
So he was like think about, like how that can.

00:20:26.232 --> 00:20:27.433
That's why people kill themselves.

00:20:27.433 --> 00:20:29.115
Like you know what I mean.

00:20:29.115 --> 00:20:31.838
Oh, it's awful, you're not feeling that crazy.

00:20:31.898 --> 00:20:32.338
No, I know.

00:20:32.398 --> 00:20:32.880
I'm all.

00:20:33.601 --> 00:20:33.861
I know.

00:20:33.881 --> 00:20:35.241
You just got to stop reading the comments.

00:20:35.241 --> 00:20:38.945
People that make it in this industry say don't read the comments.

00:20:38.945 --> 00:20:54.973
Yeah, and it's like it's for a reason when somebody She'd be like hey, don't get too close with parents, cause those are the parents that will bite you in the butt.

00:20:54.973 --> 00:20:58.470
And for some reason I thought not me, that's not gonna happen to me.

00:20:58.470 --> 00:21:00.432
And then it did and I'm like why didn't I listen?

00:21:00.432 --> 00:21:04.778
And even with real estate, like I don't really listen to anyone else, I kind of do it my own way.

00:21:04.778 --> 00:21:07.320
But then later I'm like oh, so that's why everyone does this.

00:21:07.320 --> 00:21:08.782
Yeah, like I learned the hard way.

00:21:08.782 --> 00:21:13.796
Maddie said that this weekend my daughter, my oldest, she's like you know, mom, cause I was giving her advice on something.

00:21:13.796 --> 00:21:25.415
And she's like you know, mom, I'm just a, I got to touch it, it's hot kind of person, and I'm the exact same.

00:21:25.536 --> 00:21:26.436
Yeah, people are.

00:21:26.436 --> 00:21:27.877
You just have to find out for yourself.

00:21:30.318 --> 00:21:35.282
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she gave the best advice about this age, which it's hard.

00:21:35.282 --> 00:21:36.584
Now my oldest is 15.

00:21:36.584 --> 00:21:46.092
She's a freshman and you know she doesn't tell me a lot, so when she does, I think it's my turn to like, edit or like okay, she told me about it.

00:21:46.092 --> 00:21:46.894
That means she wants my opinion.

00:21:46.894 --> 00:21:49.922
Right, and what she was teaching me was it doesn't mean they want your opinion.

00:21:49.922 --> 00:21:51.133
She's like so what I do?

00:21:51.133 --> 00:22:00.544
When they start telling me something and I want to give an opinion, I say is this something you want me to just listen to so that I can be a backboard for the story, or do you want my opinion?

00:22:08.630 --> 00:22:10.109
no-transcript.

00:22:10.570 --> 00:22:13.861
And I'm like oh, I'm giving my opinion every chance I get because I'm thinking it's my moment.

00:22:13.861 --> 00:22:16.076
Like you're talking, you want to hear it.

00:22:16.116 --> 00:22:23.237
Yes, and she's like they don't want to hear it, they just want to get it out.

00:22:23.237 --> 00:22:30.003
I sometimes want your opinion and sometimes I just want to hear my own self-talk, yeah, and it's like I just need to hear it out loud, yeah, but I forget that they don't want their.

00:22:30.003 --> 00:22:40.916
They can't do that with their friends on everything yeah, because they don't want them to know everything, yeah, so I'm like so the other day she's talking and I'm like Maddie, do you want my opinion or are you just wanting me to listen?

00:22:48.529 --> 00:22:50.277
And she yeah, and I was like oh, shoot, yeah, like that actually works.

00:22:50.297 --> 00:22:57.376
Yeah, yeah, she's like, oh, I'm giving my opinion every time, yeah, and like, notice, I've noticed that she'll stop telling me about certain topics because I've maybe given my opinion too much.

00:22:57.376 --> 00:22:58.759
So do you want this?

00:22:58.759 --> 00:23:02.315
So, um, so I'm like, okay, that's really good feedback.

00:23:02.315 --> 00:23:09.371
Yeah, as our kids get older, yeah, because I always think it's my turn to teach, but I am am a big, let reality be the teacher person.

00:23:09.371 --> 00:23:17.521
It just gets harder as they get older, cause I'm like, oh, the reality of this one's going to hurt, you know, and like I feel like it's my job to protect and my job to bob and weave.

00:23:17.521 --> 00:23:19.952
I wish I would have known, I wish someone would have told me.

00:23:20.574 --> 00:23:22.916
But again back with sex with my mom and dad.

00:23:22.916 --> 00:23:26.321
Then I kind of did want more of a sounding board.

00:23:26.321 --> 00:23:32.413
Like Mom, this guy says he loves me, he's touched my boobs, it's escalating.

00:23:32.413 --> 00:23:33.538
What do I do Right?

00:23:33.538 --> 00:23:34.815
And like I didn't have that.

00:23:34.815 --> 00:23:37.298
But also I don't want to condone having sex before marriage.

00:23:37.298 --> 00:23:46.519
But I would also rather my kids come to me and ask for like advice than their friends Because, like you gave me horrible advice in high school about sex.

00:23:50.049 --> 00:24:05.959
No, I think that I think we are flipped a little bit, but that's fine, we'll save that for another private content yeah, private content but um, but you know what I'm saying, like and and we were going or I had friends that went to like Planned Parenthood for contraception is that the right word?

00:24:06.220 --> 00:24:07.531
yeah, we all had friends that did that.

00:24:07.531 --> 00:24:07.901
It was crazy.

00:24:07.901 --> 00:24:09.211
Yeah, everybody was, and we all had friends that did that.

00:24:09.153 --> 00:24:23.077
It was crazy yeah everybody was and my friends were doing weird shots and things that they knew nothing about, and I had friends that were maybe donating plasma to get the money to go get the contraception because they couldn't talk to their parents about sex.

00:24:23.329 --> 00:24:23.509
Right.

00:24:23.509 --> 00:24:27.394
If I found out my daughter was doing that, I would freak out Like I want you to talk to me.

00:24:27.453 --> 00:24:31.798
I had friends that parents were like hey, we don't want you to, but if you do, let us know, We'll take you.

00:24:31.798 --> 00:24:35.422
And then those kids didn't really even get that crazy.

00:24:36.163 --> 00:24:37.443
Because it was like it wasn't that cool.

00:24:37.443 --> 00:24:39.826
It just depends on personality, I think.

00:24:41.711 --> 00:24:42.332
So it's a fine line.

00:24:42.332 --> 00:24:43.073
Though how much do you want to like?

00:24:43.073 --> 00:24:45.717
I don't, but I also want them to talk to me versus their friends.

00:24:45.717 --> 00:24:48.280
Yeah, you know, but I'm going to touch it.

00:24:48.280 --> 00:24:51.565
It's hot Personality too, so it's hard, I don't know.

00:24:51.565 --> 00:24:52.775
There's different ways to get there.

00:24:52.849 --> 00:24:58.133
I think, as parents, sometimes we think there's a right and a wrong and we're so worried about doing it wrong that we think we have to do it right.

00:24:58.133 --> 00:25:10.731
And like, if you look at their kids, 10 different ways and most of them turned out excellent.

00:25:10.731 --> 00:25:18.848
Right, they might have had bumps in the road, but I feel like, as parents these days, especially with social media, we feel like, if our kid pivots off the road, that we're failing.

00:25:18.848 --> 00:25:24.511
Yeah, but like, sometimes the lesson they learn off the road is what's going to get them to the right road later in life.

00:25:24.511 --> 00:25:36.987
Right, you know, and I think I've talked about that my brother and I sat down after I was dating an idiot, of course, yeah, and my brother learned that the more he told me he was an idiot, the more I went to the idiot instead of just supporting me and doing the same thing we're talking about.

00:25:37.401 --> 00:25:39.608
Is this the time I want to listen, or do you want my opinion?

00:25:39.608 --> 00:25:41.406
Because my family is very opinionated, right?

00:25:41.406 --> 00:25:47.203
And he started to just listen and then I could go to him more and then he could find the right time to lecture me.

00:25:47.203 --> 00:25:48.164
And I listened.

00:25:48.164 --> 00:25:50.949
But we were sitting at dinner because he took me to dinner.

00:25:50.949 --> 00:25:58.438
He's cool like that, like he could tell my head was messed up and he'd be like, hey, let's go to dinner and he's great at taking me to nice places and I didn't have the money.

00:25:58.438 --> 00:26:00.545
So like, do you want to go to Ruth, chris?

00:26:00.545 --> 00:26:00.986
It was never.

00:26:00.986 --> 00:26:01.768
No, yeah never.

00:26:01.788 --> 00:26:03.011
It was like yeah, yeah.

00:26:03.011 --> 00:26:07.865
I can't afford that I still want to.

00:26:07.925 --> 00:26:09.948
He's the best time too, he's so fun, oh yeah.

00:26:09.948 --> 00:26:13.853
But he was like here's where you are and here's where God's plan is for you.

00:26:13.853 --> 00:26:20.262
And he's like you can get there straight If you take a straight line.

00:26:20.262 --> 00:26:21.028
You don't pivot, you do it God's way.

00:26:21.028 --> 00:26:23.099
He's like, and you're going to have a few bumps and bruises and you're going to get there.

00:26:23.099 --> 00:26:27.321
But then he said here's where you are and here's where God's plan is.

00:26:27.321 --> 00:26:34.724
It might take longer to get there, you might get some bumps and bruises, but you're still going to end up where God wants you to be, because that's grace.

00:26:35.125 --> 00:26:42.407
Yeah, and I feel like, as Christians or as people, sometimes we think, because we've gone off the road, that we're worse, we're less than we've messed up.

00:26:42.407 --> 00:26:47.230
That's why I do want to be honest about my past, because my past is okay because of grace.

00:26:47.230 --> 00:26:52.011
Right, like I'm not any better than anyone else, because I've made bad decisions and I made good decisions.

00:26:52.011 --> 00:26:54.913
Yeah, because grace is where God steps in.

00:26:54.913 --> 00:26:57.755
Yeah, so, like you're going to get to where God has planned for you.

00:26:57.755 --> 00:27:04.136
And I think it's important that we let our kids kind of take the long way sometimes, even though we'd prefer them to get less bumps and bruises.

00:27:04.136 --> 00:27:07.338
Right, god's going to help them with faith get to the right place.

00:27:07.578 --> 00:27:13.566
Yeah, and I know in life sometimes people do make bad decisions and you know they might drive drunk and it ends bad.

00:27:13.566 --> 00:27:21.974
Yeah, you know like we decided to let Maddie stay in Mexico, oh, for a day with our good friends, and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.

00:27:21.974 --> 00:27:24.282
Yeah, and I was like what if she dies on the way home?

00:27:24.282 --> 00:27:25.707
What if she gets roofie tonight?

00:27:25.707 --> 00:27:29.923
What if she disappears at the beach, like that girl in Dominican?

00:27:29.923 --> 00:27:32.548
Yeah, you know, they can't find her and the ocean they're the ocean they're not going to find her.

00:27:32.548 --> 00:27:33.529
Right, I hope they do.

00:27:33.529 --> 00:27:36.335
I really pray that they do, but I'm like it's not looking good.

00:27:36.335 --> 00:27:37.785
So for days I'm praying.

00:27:37.785 --> 00:27:39.470
Okay, god, help me make the right decision.

00:27:39.470 --> 00:27:41.726
But I also like Maddie's age.

00:27:41.726 --> 00:27:44.152
Now she's getting in cars with 16, 17, and 18-year-olds.

00:27:44.152 --> 00:27:56.028
You could literally want NCA and that whole thing, my fear and like my I don't know.

00:27:56.048 --> 00:27:56.851
I feel like I'm anytime anyone's yelling.

00:27:56.851 --> 00:28:01.145
I'm freaking out like you're at a, at a at the hotel this weekend and people you know how drunk people kind of yell and I was like what's going on?

00:28:01.145 --> 00:28:01.788
Is there a shooter?

00:28:01.788 --> 00:28:02.730
Yeah, isn't that weird.

00:28:02.730 --> 00:28:05.990
It's so weird so I'm already more scared right now.

00:28:05.990 --> 00:28:07.796
But I think that's where faith steps in.

00:28:07.796 --> 00:28:10.523
I'm not saying that you can't make the wrong call one time.

00:28:10.544 --> 00:28:11.185
That's's what I'm saying.

00:28:11.185 --> 00:28:14.492
So if Maddie would have died and gotten roofied and raped, would you have been different?

00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:18.105
No, I had to think about that, like I really did, and I had to say you know what?

00:28:18.105 --> 00:28:21.269
God knows the outcome of all these things.

00:28:21.269 --> 00:28:24.810
And, yes, we make our choices and sometimes we make the wrong choice.

00:28:24.810 --> 00:28:27.348
But I also don't want to live where I'm scared.

00:28:27.348 --> 00:28:36.990
I want to live with faith, faith, and I also have to to arm my daughter that I trust and believe in her to make the right choices.

00:28:36.990 --> 00:28:39.279
Yeah, but one day was my limit, so then, when she wanted to stay a second day, I lost it.

00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:50.304
yeah, I was like get home, I'm sending dad right now over that border like I agreed and we prayed on one day yeah, because it was Sunday night, which wasn't St Patrick's Day, but the next day was St Patrick's Day and I wasn't okay with it.

00:28:50.304 --> 00:28:51.228
You know when you know your limit yeah, nope.

00:28:51.228 --> 00:28:52.692
Yeah, like I wasn't okay was St Patrick's Day and I wasn't okay with it.

00:28:52.692 --> 00:28:53.375
You know when you know your limit?

00:28:53.375 --> 00:28:55.042
Yeah, nope, like I wasn't okay with St Patrick's Day and some things.

00:28:55.103 --> 00:29:02.128
I'm just not okay with and it's I think that's God too yes, like there's like I couldn't be okay with it and there's some things where I'm like I shouldn't be okay with this, but I'm okay.

00:29:15.660 --> 00:29:16.896
Yeah, have to empower our kids to make good choices.

00:29:16.896 --> 00:29:18.374
Yeah, because sometimes I did have to make bad choices to make a good choice in the long run.

00:29:18.374 --> 00:29:20.384
Yeah, I did have to date a bunch of idiots to finally be attracted to a guy like Kyle, because at 16 I wouldn't have liked him.

00:29:20.384 --> 00:29:22.542
I wouldn't have liked him until I dated a real jerk before him.

00:29:22.903 --> 00:29:30.630
Yeah, that showed we were talking that you were like yeah, I wasn't really jerked in high school and then I was thinking I was jerked for like 10 years real like woman power in high school yeah.

00:29:30.830 --> 00:29:31.932
I was like not oh.

00:29:31.992 --> 00:29:36.922
I was dumb, but like I feel like I had like 10 years of dumb and then I finally was like I'm not doing that anymore.

00:29:36.922 --> 00:29:38.506
And then Ben came along.

00:29:38.546 --> 00:29:49.848
But maybe you wouldn't appreciate, ben and we talk about that all the time when you wake up and you picture that they're not into you and you're him.

00:29:49.848 --> 00:29:54.532
But like it would be, it would be awful no, awful, but like.

00:29:54.532 --> 00:30:00.001
I think that sometimes we I think, with life, 360 and the Mexico trip, that I didn't go on right.

00:30:00.001 --> 00:30:06.462
My mom taught me that she trusted me and that's why, like, growing up I was one of the like.

00:30:06.563 --> 00:30:36.627
I made good decisions for a good period of time and then I had my wild phase, but my mom and I and I told Kyle this I didn't want to go to Mexico and she would have never found out Some of our friends parents still don't know that they went, but I didn't want my mom to get a call from Mexico that I died and and that was what she was left with, that I disobeyed her and that not like I respected her too much to make that decision and I want to empower my kids that you might make a wrong choice, but I trust that you're going to make the right choice.

00:30:36.627 --> 00:30:41.128
Yeah, and she did come home and say you know, a lot of people were drinking because they'll serve anyone.

00:30:41.128 --> 00:30:43.821
She's like mom, but I didn't drink and I really believe her.

00:30:43.821 --> 00:30:48.769
But, like Kyle, you know we sometimes debate if we're going to lie or tell the truth to our kids.

00:30:48.769 --> 00:30:54.457
You know my mom lied about everything, um, and he's like y'all, your mom drank in high school and I'm like, why would you say that?

00:30:54.678 --> 00:31:00.651
yeah, you know, like it gives her that free will then, and like you go, well, they turned out okay, because that's what ben said.

00:31:00.711 --> 00:31:02.142
I didn't drink till I was 21.

00:31:02.142 --> 00:31:04.808
Yeah, I was like, and what you did after 21 got awful.

00:31:04.808 --> 00:31:06.641
You should be ashamed of yourself.

00:31:06.641 --> 00:31:07.461
Funny, you know.

00:31:07.461 --> 00:31:14.075
But like there's no right or wrong, like he was still raised right, right, yeah, and I was still raised right and we were raised completely different.

00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:18.645
Well, you can totally raise right and then something happens, or you can raise all wrong and the kid turns out great.

00:31:18.645 --> 00:31:20.309
Yeah, it's weird, it's weird.

00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:28.209
But like I think sometimes we put too much pressure on our kids because of us, like I don't want to look bad, so I want you to make this choice Right.

00:31:28.229 --> 00:31:28.328
Right.

00:31:28.710 --> 00:31:33.353
Like I don't want to look bad if you get a bad grade, so you got to make sure you get on a roll because that might not look good.

00:31:33.353 --> 00:31:43.150
Or I want you to be the best at baseball because I don't want to look like maybe I'm not doing something right, like we take too much ownership over their mistakes when it's their own journey.

00:31:43.150 --> 00:31:44.093
Let them.

00:31:44.093 --> 00:31:47.344
You could raise them and do everything right, and they still might make mistakes.

00:31:47.344 --> 00:31:48.487
It doesn't mean you're wrong.

00:31:48.487 --> 00:31:49.490
You know what I mean.

00:31:49.490 --> 00:31:54.602
It's a lot of pressure for kids.

00:31:54.602 --> 00:31:55.664
Yeah, like to to excel and be the best for their kid.

00:31:55.664 --> 00:31:57.830
Their parents yeah, they don't want to make them look bad.

00:31:57.830 --> 00:31:59.323
It's all about looking, you know?

00:31:59.323 --> 00:31:59.903
Oh.

00:32:00.184 --> 00:32:06.724
I just worry, Like I just know what I went through and I don't want mine to go through just half of the stupid stuff that I went through.

00:32:06.724 --> 00:32:09.829
I'm like, oh, it was just heartbreaking and awful I know.

00:32:09.829 --> 00:32:11.011
So it's like more of that.

00:32:11.011 --> 00:32:12.134
I'm like, oh don't.

00:32:12.134 --> 00:32:14.963
Or what I've seen people in my family go through.

00:32:14.963 --> 00:32:19.703
I know, like, what certain decisions lead to, so I'm like just don't do it, it's not worth it.

00:32:19.763 --> 00:32:21.548
You know, yeah, oh, it's scary.

00:32:21.548 --> 00:32:25.022
People have always said that as your kids get older, it gets way harder, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

00:32:25.182 --> 00:32:25.743
They're nothing.

00:32:25.804 --> 00:32:37.451
Yeah, but we enjoy them too and you do get to see some of the reap of what you sow or I don't know.

00:32:37.451 --> 00:32:41.971
Like you know, I'm still like I tell this to Kyle a lot.

00:32:41.971 --> 00:32:43.881
I'm like when we were debating to let her stay.

00:32:43.881 --> 00:32:45.221
I'm like Kyle, we have good kids.

00:32:45.221 --> 00:32:54.188
Do they sometimes get on our nerves or talk disrespectful to us or this or that, or want to have a D right now, but like it happens, you know.

00:32:54.188 --> 00:33:01.551
But like they're good kids and we've got to empower them to stay good kids Because, like we've talked about on here a lot, you are what they say you are.

00:33:01.551 --> 00:33:05.294
So I wasn't stupid in telling Maddie you make good choices.

00:33:05.294 --> 00:33:08.435
I trust you very much and I know you would never disappoint me.

00:33:08.435 --> 00:33:10.458
I'm also telling her who.

00:33:10.458 --> 00:33:12.002
She is Right, you know.

00:33:12.002 --> 00:33:18.451
Yeah, I talked about in the, in the book, you're all brainwashed yeah, and right here, if I disobey, but I never say yes to alcohol.

00:33:18.491 --> 00:33:22.892
We don't realize how much we empower them, and my mom said the same to me, but she empowered me.

00:33:22.892 --> 00:33:24.907
I trust that you'll make good decisions.

00:33:24.907 --> 00:33:29.963
It's like I trust that I'm gonna make good decisions yeah, instead of like you better not did it.

00:33:29.963 --> 00:33:36.877
That's telling them there's someone that's going to do those things, yeah, but let's empower them that they're not going to do those things because of that.

00:33:36.877 --> 00:33:40.740
You know what I mean, mm-hmm, and it's like a fine line of what I want her exposed to these days.

00:33:40.859 --> 00:33:51.705
Like a few weeks before that, there was a party at a house and it's like hard.

00:33:51.705 --> 00:33:57.871
You know, I'm like I don't want her to go and I was like she needs to go in those environments and learn to say no.

00:33:57.871 --> 00:34:02.594
It's a skill, but the hard thing is you do wear down, like I wore down in college.

00:34:02.594 --> 00:34:03.375
You totally wore down.

00:34:03.375 --> 00:34:19.166
I wore down and that's why the second day I was like no, she made it through a night without her parents saying no, but like there was other people coming and it was like the peer pressure is going to get bigger and for for some reason that second night was a hard no, yeah, like it wasn't there was no one talking to me into it.

00:34:19.166 --> 00:34:27.788
I literally was probably going to send Kyle, like, and it wouldn't have been good, yeah, cause he's great, he's strict, yeah, and it like it wouldn't be a scene getting in the car, yeah, oh, yeah.

00:34:28.208 --> 00:34:36.463
So I don't know, it's just like all these things, the debates, right, but in college I was good the first year and my friends, we would all.

00:34:36.463 --> 00:34:39.583
Everybody would hang out in my room and I'd be like let's go to bed, guys.

00:34:39.583 --> 00:34:40.668
And we'd go to bed at like 11.

00:34:40.668 --> 00:34:45.487
And then I'd wake up and everyone's like last night was so fun, I'm like we went to bed at 11.

00:34:45.487 --> 00:34:54.175
Those jerks all went out after I went to sleep and everybody would lie to me like for months this was going on and I'd be like when did that happen?

00:34:54.175 --> 00:34:55.295
And they're like oh, you remember.

00:34:55.295 --> 00:34:57.356
And I was like I don't remember going to that place.

00:34:57.356 --> 00:34:59.105
They're like you remember, you forget everything.

00:34:59.105 --> 00:35:01.331
And I believe I'm like, yeah, I do forget a lot.

00:35:01.331 --> 00:35:11.586
But everybody was going out after I went to bed and I blew out my knee as a cheerleader and then I was the sorority cripple for two years where or a whole year where I couldn't go to parties.

00:35:11.586 --> 00:35:13.750
I couldn't do anything, I just laid in bed in my dorm.

00:35:13.750 --> 00:35:14.672
It was super hard.

00:35:14.672 --> 00:35:18.945
So then after that I my boyfriend broke up with me and I was like that's it.

00:35:18.945 --> 00:35:24.423
I'm sick of not being like everyone else, so I want to be like everyone else for a change and see what that's like.

00:35:25.065 --> 00:35:28.681
But what did happen before I ever drank was I was that Christian.00:35:28.681 --> 00:35:38.094


That was kind of like judgy goody, like I don't drink and I don't you know, kind of like you know, I'm picturing who our kids know and it's like very soapbox.00:35:38.094 --> 00:35:40.945


You know like I, I don't even know how you do that and this and that.00:35:40.945 --> 00:35:43.942


And as soon as I drank, this guilt like took over me.00:35:43.942 --> 00:35:46.873


It was weird and like my relationship with God.00:35:46.873 --> 00:35:51.505


It felt like someone say there was like a phone cord you know the old school phone cord, yeah, between me and him.00:35:51.505 --> 00:35:53.628


Yeah, and it was like this line that was ever flowing.00:35:53.628 --> 00:35:59.266


And as soon as I like did more with a guy than what I wanted to, or I drank, felt like the line got cut.00:35:59.266 --> 00:36:01.411


Yeah, I felt so guilty going to him.00:36:01.411 --> 00:36:03.684


Yeah, like how dare I go to him when I was sinning?00:36:03.684 --> 00:36:09.563


But it's like I hope we empower our kids and other Christians that that line's never down.00:36:09.563 --> 00:36:11.987


Yeah, like he knows you're going to sin.00:36:12.088 --> 00:36:18.871


And well, sin does separate you from God, so like it's actually a thing that you are less connected when you're sinning.00:36:18.871 --> 00:36:21.949


So like, yeah, you like actually experienced that Totally.00:36:22.039 --> 00:36:24.688


But we have to then that's why people never go back, Right.00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:25.824


And you have to encourage them.00:36:25.824 --> 00:36:37.510


Well, that's why you teach them, that's why you don't want to do those things, because you will lose that like action and like that's the life you know.00:36:37.530 --> 00:36:40.139


yeah, so that's, but that's why you said like he made grace and all that yeah, and we all sin every day.00:36:40.139 --> 00:36:42.144


Totally, you were sitting a lot last night.00:36:42.144 --> 00:36:44.309


Tell him what you're doing, I'm joking.00:36:44.610 --> 00:36:45.661


I'm like what was I doing?00:36:45.661 --> 00:36:48.047


I was like crying about Instagram.00:36:48.047 --> 00:36:48.628


I know.00:36:48.628 --> 00:36:49.610


I was like what was I doing?00:36:49.650 --> 00:36:57.489


no, but like we all do, yeah, and it took me a lot of like years to work through that Like where the guilt and shame, shame is such a powerful thing.00:36:57.489 --> 00:36:59.378


Yeah, the devil uses that for sure.00:36:59.378 --> 00:37:02.206


Yeah, and I don't want my kids, if they mess up, to let shame lead.00:37:02.206 --> 00:37:03.327


Right, let me lead.00:37:03.327 --> 00:37:13.739


We'll forgive you, we'll work through it, like that's how you grow around.00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:29.728


You know you don't just because you've lived a certain way or you've made certain choices, like it's never too late to come back to God and turn things around and make good choices, and like the thing with the especially girls I mean guys too, but I'm like when you're making bad decisions, like your self-esteem it's like a snowball effect.00:37:30.530 --> 00:37:35.023


So it's not only like the decisions, it's like the way you feel about yourself.00:37:35.023 --> 00:37:38.137


Everything just takes a hit and it takes a hit and like.00:37:38.137 --> 00:37:41.369


That's what I don't want my kids and my daughter to experience.00:37:41.411 --> 00:37:41.893


Oh, totally.00:37:42.153 --> 00:37:43.619


Like you're you don't understand.00:37:43.619 --> 00:37:49.329


Like it's not just like, oh, you drink, it's like it's going to affect everything and you're going to feel so different about yourself.00:37:49.329 --> 00:37:53.173


And like it's hard and you have to work through that.00:37:53.213 --> 00:37:56.105


Oh yeah, you know it's funny because we totally talked about that.00:37:56.105 --> 00:37:58.351


When she came home, um, made it safe.00:37:58.351 --> 00:38:11.228


All the things that I thought were gonna happen in my head didn't happen, thank god, um, and she's like mom when, when we were at the bar and like everyone was drinking they look stupid totally and she's like I felt cooler that we weren't and I was like you're right and I had that for years.00:38:11.228 --> 00:38:13.440


Yeah's like I felt cooler that we weren't and I was like you're right and I had that for years, yeah.00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:28.083


So like when I was a freshman and I was on the tables at the parties, everyone would be like you're wasted, and then I'd be like I don't drink, yeah, and they'd be like huh, because it's just like I'm a little weird.00:38:28.284 --> 00:38:31.186


So, like when everyone did drink, my confidence completely changed.00:38:31.186 --> 00:38:36.570


I told Maddie all the guys wanted me when I was the one girl that didn't drink, but I was so fun.00:38:36.570 --> 00:38:38.411


They wanted like why are you different?00:38:38.411 --> 00:38:39.632


Why aren't you being peer pressured?00:38:39.632 --> 00:38:40.552


How are you like that?00:38:40.552 --> 00:38:44.135


And then I was like and then when I did drink, no one wanted me.00:38:44.135 --> 00:38:45.757


My confidence took the biggest hit.00:38:45.757 --> 00:38:57.023


Right, and it took years, like you said, to work back.00:38:57.023 --> 00:38:59.280


Well, and that's what guys, not that like the ultimate goal is to have guys wanting you, but like no, but it's the type of guys you attract Totally.00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:04.773


I was attracting good guys, right, and then when I was drunk it was losers, and then they would hurt you and then you go for the loser because your, your confidence is is hit.00:39:04.793 --> 00:39:07.199


You're not thinking you're worth more, you know.00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:19.371


And so I'm like by drinking or doing stuff with a guy or doing any of these choices, like by drinking or doing stuff with a guy or doing any of these choices, you don't understand, like it's going to affect so many things in your life and it's like it's truly like a snowball.00:39:19.652 --> 00:39:20.992


But it's the same with waiting until you're married.00:39:20.992 --> 00:39:24.637


When you do not wait, all those things happen too.00:39:24.637 --> 00:39:31.608


Right Like it's proven that a woman like releases some chemical when they have sex with someone that bonds them.00:39:31.608 --> 00:39:36.235


And so when you're not and like with Kyle and I when we didn't do those things, I could walk.00:39:36.235 --> 00:39:38.766


I was sassy Right Like I was way stronger.00:39:39.019 --> 00:39:42.945


But once you do do that, you're all of a sudden become a schmuck Like do you know what I mean?00:39:42.945 --> 00:39:44.188


Once you have sex, you're connected.00:39:44.188 --> 00:39:45.257


You're like needy.00:39:45.257 --> 00:39:49.164


Yeah, it like ruins the girl, right, and it like flips.00:39:49.164 --> 00:39:52.250


It's like we're not supposed to do that that soon.00:39:52.250 --> 00:39:56.034


You're supposed to use that power to like keep them wanting you, you know.00:39:56.034 --> 00:40:03.548


And it's like the same thing happens when I did make those choices Like, I lost my confidence in that too, but like with Kyle when I was making him work and doing it right.00:40:03.548 --> 00:40:13.621


But from the time I was 21 to Kyle, like to 25, that was the years of like making the bad choices and like doing what my brother said, going the long way.00:40:13.621 --> 00:40:20.405


But like it was a lot harder to work back to who God had created me to be, rather than just have stayed on that path.00:40:20.405 --> 00:40:21.148


You know what I mean.00:40:21.268 --> 00:40:28.289


That's the other thing is it's like, or someone that's had a really hard life, like worse choices than yours.00:40:28.289 --> 00:40:35.831


Like you know, you met someone in the social security office that was trying to get their Social Security card and like he'd been in jail, he just got released.00:40:35.831 --> 00:40:37.074


So that's what I mean.00:40:37.074 --> 00:40:43.103


Like choices, even though, like it's great to be, like oh yeah, like choices don't matter, you'll end up where you're meant to be.00:40:43.103 --> 00:40:44.068


They do matter.00:40:44.068 --> 00:40:50.188


And like it can be so hard to work back and it doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with God.00:40:50.188 --> 00:40:55.516


But trying to come back like that guy, he was struggling, he couldn't even get a cell phone oh, it was awful.00:40:57.559 --> 00:40:58.204


And Crystal was trying to get.00:40:58.204 --> 00:40:58.610


She was moving him in.00:40:58.567 --> 00:41:08.907


Oh, I was going to take him to the store and buy a cell phone, but he was like 7'2" and like massive and I was like this is where you die.00:41:08.927 --> 00:41:13.632


You put that guy in oh, and it's awful and so it's sad he just got out of jail.00:41:13.733 --> 00:41:14.853


Well, I think like for you.00:41:14.853 --> 00:41:23.360


I think growing up and seeing what you saw you saw people.00:41:23.382 --> 00:41:23.983


I saw real reality of choices.00:41:24.005 --> 00:41:26.516


Yeah, Not just like oh, you were drinking and everything's fine now, like people addicted to drugs, yeah, like homeless.00:41:26.536 --> 00:41:29.023


They never turned around Awful things, yeah.00:41:29.023 --> 00:41:34.954


And so I'm like, yeah, no choices have like real life consequences where sometimes you can't come back.00:41:34.954 --> 00:41:37.608


Yeah, like if you cheat on your spouse they might never take you back.00:41:37.608 --> 00:41:49.050


Yeah, and like sometimes things are permanent consequences and so it's important, like our kids, understand that you know and doesn't mean you're not going to make a mistake, but there's some that are really hard to come back, totally, I agree.00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:54.842


So, yeah, back totally, I agree.00:41:54.842 --> 00:41:55.827


So yeah, luckily mine all for the most part, right.00:41:55.827 --> 00:41:57.233


Well, I feel like yours are all pretty normal, you know yeah, a little.00:41:57.253 --> 00:42:03.300


But I think that's like kind of what you said, like when you said some mom told you to make little things, big things right, and I think we still try to make it like.00:42:03.300 --> 00:42:05.427


Well, that's where I was getting kind of done with Maddie.00:42:05.427 --> 00:42:20.471


It was like, you know, she wasn't with us so she's in in Mexico with other families and this and that, and like Kyle and I on a regular weekend, like we don't really drink a ton, right, like we might drink once a month, have a sip, a glass of wine, same.00:42:20.471 --> 00:42:24.525


Not saying I'm holier than thou to anyone else that drinks, for me it's like a downer.00:42:24.605 --> 00:42:25.628


It just doesn't work for me.00:42:25.628 --> 00:42:35.072


Well, and I feel like sick the next day, yeah, and then I'm like paying for it for like a week.00:42:35.072 --> 00:42:37.456


You know, yeah, I love that night.00:42:37.456 --> 00:42:43.141


I know it's really.00:42:43.141 --> 00:42:43.661


I am really fun with that.00:42:43.661 --> 00:42:45.164


One night a year, no, but yeah, I agree, our kids aren't around like that, yeah.00:42:45.184 --> 00:42:46.264


So close your legs till you're married.00:42:46.264 --> 00:42:50.251


Don't be a drunk idiot like Tisha was in college and you know it'll all work out.00:42:50.251 --> 00:42:52.054


Yeah, I think that's a good summary.00:42:52.054 --> 00:42:53.054


Yeah, pretty good.00:42:53.054 --> 00:42:54.702


Yeah, and don't eat lemmings till you're sick.00:42:54.702 --> 00:42:56.347


Yeah, they are delicious, courtney.00:42:57.168 --> 00:43:00.885


Yeah, oh, she nailed it, yeah like, like you got nailed last night.00:43:00.885 --> 00:43:01.849


Yeah, oh my gosh.00:43:01.849 --> 00:43:03.273


Thanks for listening.00:43:03.414 --> 00:43:12.302


I'm sorry welcome to jerking around a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and crystal makes fun of me and whole time and it's great and it's real.