S3 E7: Letting Go and Embracing Life's Chaos

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Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and Crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great and it's real.

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Today we talk about Tisha being mean to me.

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We talk about the fight we had a minor.

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I wouldn't say it's a fight.

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I'd say you're more mad at me, but we had an issue, we resolved it.

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She hurt my feelings, yeah, anyways.

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And I didn't mean to, but we resolved it.

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We talk about intention.

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Talk about parenting?

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Yes, Husbands?

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Yes, my dad, we talk a little bit about grief and then we also talk about Tisha's surgery she has on her hemorrhoids.

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No, today we are talking about a lot of interesting things.

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Yeah, thanksgiving, how?

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was your Thanksgiving, Tisha?

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Mine was good you were gone.

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Yeah, mine.

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We went to the Bahamas.

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It was really fun.

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How was yours?

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It was the first one without your dad, oh, thanks.

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Um, it was actually really good.

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Yeah, Um, my lot.

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Well, I guess we'll get serious.

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We don't do that a lot, but my anniversary of my dad passing was yesterday, so, um, so that's a little emotional and fresh, and Tisha really pissed me off yesterday.

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We'll talk about that later, but um so, anyways, I was obviously more emotional, so today might be a little bit more somber, but this was my first holiday without my dad and I was really nervous about it, but it went really well.

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Last year my dad was very like things were changing, so that year was harder for me.

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It was like you know how people say.

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There's that like impeding doom feeling.

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Well, it was right before, yeah, and I really right before yeah, and I really had that.

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Yeah, I was so sick.

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If you remember and if you have been listening to us for a while, I think I talked about that last year.

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I was getting headaches, I was getting probably panic attacks because I was getting really dizzy out of nowhere.

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I would have thought textbook.

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I was fully sick, like I went to the hospital for headaches, I like it was bad and, um, I totally knew what it was.

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By the way, thank you, I'm not a doctor, but I should be.

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No, yeah, it's hard.

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Yeah Well, I just knew you and I knew like how he was and like I could tell that like you were struggling, but you weren't like admitting it to yourself a little bit, you know, which is normal to be kind of in denial that something could happen anytime.

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You know well, I wasn't in denial.

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I was very alert of what was happening.

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Yeah, that's why I was so upset so upset yeah like watching um, someone like your dad, who's been the strongest man on the planet, struggle like that was awful, but we're blessed that he wasn't like in a hospital bed and like taking his last breath.

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We didn't have to do hospice or anything like that, but his body was literally failing him and he was mentally pretty all there.

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So that was like so hard and so tough to have your body be failing and you're gambling and like running all over like he's just in the scooter, but like traveling, yeah, like that's a lot yes, the last, yeah, so my, my dad passed away in vegas.

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We went for a family trip, which we don't do a lot, and it's crazy.

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Even like that, I miss the state game to go to vegas.

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Like I coach a team and our football team went to state and the fact that I wasn't there is just so, not like me, but I went.

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We all went to vegas and everybody told us you know, your dad shouldn't go to Vegas.

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He's not doing well, he's gonna die.

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But we all knew, and we talked to him about that, that this would be a big trip for him, are we sure it's a good idea?

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And we all decided to to still go.

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And we got there and we had a great time and I, some of you have heard the story and we all went.

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He gambled, which is his favorite thing.

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That's where I've gotten it from.

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My parents are big gamblers.

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And then we all went to dinner, had italian dinner.

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My aunt and uncle, his sister was there, my cousin was there.

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We had this great thing.

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I even yelled to him in our last picture, as a family told him to look alive because he wasn't looking good and our family jokes that's what we do, so I knew he wasn't looking good like he thought it was funny.

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He probably laughed, he laughed and smiled and and then, um, they gambled and they went to bed and we he woke up in like three in the morning to go to the bathroom.

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My mom helped him, he told her happy birthday and then at five he didn't wake up.

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So we all went in there, we were with him for hours, hugged him.

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Um, it got weird when the the police had to tell me to get off of it, like Like this is a crime scene and you're now like fully, like I think I had my leg over him.

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I mean, I was fully on him.

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But so all that like replaying all that has been not my favorite this week and like where we were, what was going on, how it happened and the reality that he's like still gone.

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Yeah, it's hard but we're doing good.

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It's hard but we're doing good.

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The holiday was great.

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My mom got drunk, so that was fun, um, and she's a real fun drunk.

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She handles hard things really well.

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My family, we joke, so we made jokes about it all day.

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That you know dad's sleeping Cause that's what my mom tells people.

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She's.

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You know, she's funny.

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So she tells everyone that, um, people were calling her phone.

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That you know those telemarketers yeah, and she tells me them her husband died, like they don't want to know.

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So I'm calling me my husband died and I'm like they don't care.

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But like she tells people he's sleeping At the casino.

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They always ask her where he is.

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She says sleeping.

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That's sad.

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My brother and I are are like we don't know if we should intervene.

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He's not sleeping, he's in heaven.

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So we kept telling everyone he was sleeping.

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Um, but it was good.

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It was hard, but it was really good.

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I think after, like I guess we could call this the year after reflection.

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You, I'm just not the same person I was a year ago.

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Yeah, like that's so clear to me.

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The last like two weeks, especially looking back on who I was last year, what was happening last year, how invested I was in work.

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I, I am not that invested anymore.

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I don't care about things like that as much.

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I am very more attentive to what's here now, which was something for years I couldn't grasp like being present.

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Yeah, I feel like I'm so present now that it's almost was something for years I couldn't grasp like being present.

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Yeah, I feel like I'm so present now that it's almost like bad, like I don't care what's happening other places, right, I don't know.

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It's weird how like life humbles the crap out of you.

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Money doesn't matter to a point that it's getting weird, like it needs to matter a little bit, I don't know.

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Just being with my kids, being with my husband this week, was very family and I loved it, whereas that stuff maybe didn't fulfill me as much before, to be honest, really, yeah, totally Not at all.

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Yeah, like I was listening to our podcast.

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You talk about how much you wanted to be a stay home mom and how bad I didn't, and that was even like recent, and I still am.

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Like I, I never wanted it and now I never wanted it and now it's all I want.

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Yeah, just to be like home and not have all the stress on my plate.

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I just want to be in the here and now.

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But my aunt's very sick too, you know.

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She has a type of melanoma that's very dangerous and terminal, so I think it's just all around me.

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Yeah, like it's like a constant reminder all the time that, like today is not today is it?

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Tomorrow is not promised.

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So I think death can be like a blessing.

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I feel like I've been on pause at work and I'm like as soon as I get over my dad, we'll get back.

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And then I had this epiphany that it's been a year, like you got to get back, but I just can't get there.

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I really enjoy the podcast, so let's get famous.

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Yeah, because I love that Like I used to it just changed, you just change.

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Yeah, I think things just happen and you just change, and maybe that's just not your path anymore.

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Yeah, I mean.

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Tisha's still selling houses.

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So if you're still interested, we still stage, we still sell houses faster than anyone and we still have a team.

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I just honestly am more um like kind of look from the outside, more like managing everything from above.

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I haven't been taking as many clients myself, but we're still doing a great job.

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We're still.

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I just was mad the other day because I like to be really good at things and I was like this is stupid, we suck at work.

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And then we made like every list and I showed me too, as a leader, how proud you are when your team can go on without you.

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Like, usually I'm carrying a lot of sales and it's we've been on the list without my sales, so that makes me super proud.

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Like, we built something really cool and that everybody can go on without me.

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I actually was thinking today I think everybody's better now without me, Like you.

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Just, you know, it's like a parent with their kids, Like sometimes my daughter has better advice than I do, Cause she's taken a little from me and then taken a little from her, and it makes her like a better version Like you.

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I think you're like better than me now, which is like you're like my prodigy in a way and I'm like no, I feel like you took a little of me and then you take a little of you and it makes it good.

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Well, I feel like a good leader like has people like.

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You're not a good leader if everyone's always under you or needing you, yeah, or like not.

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You should have them be to like you.

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That's how, like.

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That's the goal of leadership like.

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Walt should be died before I think right, was it California?

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One or one of them opened and it's gone on right like Steve Jobs.

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It's gone on bigger without him.

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Ccv, ccv.

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Even so, it is a definition of a good leader and I, I think I've learned that I can like step back and we've done things a lot different too this last year in business.

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I mean, we used to do so much and I think I've just learned that all those things just don't matter as much.

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Yeah, we're talking about that on the way here, besides talking about our fight, but we we're not talking about the fight on here.

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We're not talking about the fight.

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We can't say what the fight on here.

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We're not talking about the fight.

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We can't say what the fight was about.

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It was about someone wants a piercing and someone doesn't think it's a good idea.

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It's about no, it's about friendships.

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We're going to talk about it Somebody has hemorrhoids and needs surgery and somebody doesn't, yeah, and I told her the surgery isn't that bad.

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I've heard it's not bad.

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No, but um, what were we talking about?

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I don't know.

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Oh, on the way here.

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Reflection Like even so, I have a Christmas party every year, but I didn't have it last.

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Well, we've like Last year we didn't, we didn't.

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We didn't have it last year Because your dad had just died.

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Because it was supposed to be the weekend my dad passed and it was weird because we did an Ev.

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My friends messaged out on the Evite that the party was canceled without even talking to me, which was great, because it's something you don't really want to say, right, like it's not the easiest thing to say it.

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So, like some of my friends maybe, were frustrated Like you didn't tell me right away.

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I was like it's still not an easy thing.

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That's why my mom tells people he's sleeping.

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Yeah, it's like not the easiest thing to say yeah.

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So it was nice that everybody found out all at once, without like a social media post or you having to call everyone.

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Yeah, that was all really hard for me.

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Even yesterday I wanted to post for my mom's birthday because then more people will tell her happy birthday and she loves that stuff.

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Yeah.

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So I wanted to post because that'll help her get more.

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Everybody that texts her, she mom guess who texts me?

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Oh, blah, blah, blah.

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She gets so excited.

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So I wanted to do that, but I also couldn't deny that my dad.

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But it's not easy for me to share.

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I don't like talking about things that really hurt, Like I like talking about dumb things, but the real things I don't like talking about.

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That's why I'm closing my eyes like an idiot.

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But it's fine.

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It's not easy, but anyways, I think, like even my Christmas party, I'm like I just want it super casual and kids never come because everyone thinks it's college and they're on the counter and it gets weird.

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But I'm like I just don't care anymore about all the things.

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Yeah, the Pinterest life of having things so cute, I don't know, it's just stupid.

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Yeah Well, I think like I don't care about that stuff either.

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I think when your kids get older too, you're just like that stuff is dumb yeah, I'm like now that I'm on a budget because I'm not making as much money on my own and I have to like think about things differently.

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I'm just like from Kyle, yes, and myself like I'm not bringing in.

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Yeah, I used to make pretty good money and so, but but whole tour forms is still going.

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You know if you still want us to sell your own weekend, but um, I just, you know you have to hustle it.

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When you're in your own business you have to hustle to make money.

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So we, I'm not hustling, so I'm not making what I usually make.

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So now I can't spend what I usually spend on all these things.

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So I'm like, do I really want?

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but I do really want a bartender, yeah so I still have a bartender coming no, and I feel like Kyle's pretty good about parties.

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He's like he's in support of, like a good party.

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He likes a good time yeah, he does.

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He's not like wound tight, but likes a good, like a vacation.

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No, you're not getting far with him on that.

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A good party he's down.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So, yeah, again, not as funny today, but I was listening to this book today.

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Um, if you've never listened, tisha won't listen to anything self I have created a habit where I walk, usually every day, and then I listen to something to fuel my mind, which sounds really dorky, but I really like to learn, right, so I listen In 75 Hard.

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You have to read 10 pages of a nonfiction book every day and I can't read.

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If you've seen me spell or you've heard me read out loud, it's special.

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So I listen out loud while I walk and I've read so many good books.

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I really highly recommend it and it starts your day off with fuel instead of like problems yeah, I think garbage like yes, like Instagram or even reality, I don't mind like so.

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I don't mind like an educational book on, like you said, like the podcast book you read or something I would read, something like that.

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That, like gave gives information.

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I just don't like the motivational self-help like I don't.

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I don't know why I don't, I can't read those, it's just like yeah, I can't physically read them.

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Yeah, I can listen to them, but I don't know if you can listen.

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I don't like listening.

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I don't even like when the podcast and I don't even like when the church service is more motivational and less biblical.

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You like facts.

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I'm like I want some facts.

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I want some biblical, some not.

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I don't need a motivational speech, I'm motivated, so it's weird.

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But I do like reading the Bible.

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It's weird, but it not weird.

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It's not weird, but sometimes I'll wake up and read it with my coffee and I'm in a way better mood and I do feel like it gives me so much like clarity about and the Bible is like really helpful too about things.

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It just like realigns me so I can read that.

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I can read it and I cannot Really, I've tried so many times.

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I'm like what are they talking about?

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Oh, I've read Revelations like five times.

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Oh, I cannot read the.

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Bible whatsoever.

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I need the Bible.

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I can read the story Really as the Bible in story form.

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I can't read all of the Bible, but I can read certain parts.

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Oh, I get lost.

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Oh, and it's so good.

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I'm like this is so the Bible is good on like.

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I listen on audio, yeah, but I can't like just read a small portion and take anything from it.

00:14:33.932 --> 00:14:41.779
Oh, I read and then I feel like it gives me like clarity and I'm like, oh my gosh, or like I like reading of, like revelations, like things to come.

00:14:41.779 --> 00:14:44.097
I'm like it's just really like interesting.

00:14:44.097 --> 00:14:51.996
So maybe I need to find like books that are like factual yeah, and I could read those but like self-helpy, but more factual, you know.

00:14:52.017 --> 00:14:53.138
Yeah, more like proven.

00:14:53.138 --> 00:14:55.019
Yes, you just don't believe people.

00:14:55.240 --> 00:14:55.980
No, I don't believe anybody.

00:14:56.019 --> 00:14:57.301
So you don't think anybody knows anything.

00:14:57.301 --> 00:14:58.663
They don't you.

00:14:59.683 --> 00:15:00.764
I know more than all of them.

00:15:00.764 --> 00:15:03.267
So it's like when they're talking, I'm like ah.

00:15:04.190 --> 00:15:09.437
Totally but this you would like Stephen Covey's habits of highly effective people Right Cause that's more factual.

00:15:09.958 --> 00:15:10.418
It's more like.

00:15:10.418 --> 00:15:13.703
These are things that are proven to work Right, based on like research.

00:15:13.703 --> 00:15:14.951
I'm into that, yeah.

00:15:15.152 --> 00:15:19.106
It's and he's very like not self-helpy, it's very like these are tools.

00:15:19.106 --> 00:15:20.291
Why are you doing this?

00:15:20.291 --> 00:15:21.073
And I've read it a bunch of times.

00:15:21.073 --> 00:15:23.370
When you were telling me about it, it sounded so good.

00:15:23.370 --> 00:15:32.653
So today I was listening and, um, I was trying to go to the Bahamas with Tisha, anytime to the Bahamas with Tisha.

00:15:32.673 --> 00:15:35.462
Anytime Tisha goes on a trip, I want to go because she plans a really good trip, yeah, and I want to go planned.

00:15:35.462 --> 00:15:41.909
And then she teases me, she does this thing where she's like maybe I'll go Cause, I was like she's definitely not going, kyle's not going to go for it.

00:15:41.909 --> 00:15:43.432
So always in my mind you weren't going to go Cause.

00:15:43.432 --> 00:15:47.315
I'd asked you back when we were planning I know, but my aunt, I'm regretting that.

00:15:47.414 --> 00:15:50.038
So bad, next time I'm scheduling it from the beginning.

00:15:50.138 --> 00:15:53.900
Okay, and then I can cancel it Because at the beginning I was like come.

00:15:53.900 --> 00:15:56.302
She was like no, Kyle won't go for it.

00:15:56.302 --> 00:15:59.686
So then I gave up and then, right before you were like, oh, I wanted to go.

00:15:59.686 --> 00:16:00.486
So bad, I want to go.

00:16:00.486 --> 00:16:02.957
And she's looking flights, I'm looking flights.

00:16:06.615 --> 00:16:15.434
I'm going to give her 60,000 points and Ben's like what's going on like I was just oh, I wanted to go, so bad it was such a tease.

00:16:15.434 --> 00:16:17.259
I was like fighting with Kyle about it.

00:16:17.259 --> 00:16:19.091
That's typically how we get to go on a trip.

00:16:19.091 --> 00:16:20.234
Kyle's my husband.

00:16:20.234 --> 00:16:21.576
He's very type a.

00:16:21.576 --> 00:16:22.458
He's my opposite.

00:16:22.458 --> 00:16:24.551
He's very smart with money he doesn't.

00:16:24.770 --> 00:16:26.937
Well, he doesn't do good with the last minute either.

00:16:26.937 --> 00:16:28.562
You have to have a plan with him.

00:16:28.710 --> 00:16:32.000
He's very logical he likes buying toys and things, I like memories.

00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:36.078
So it's like your opposite and I do think that's natural and healthy to have your opposite.

00:16:36.078 --> 00:16:40.682
But I do think in marriage sometimes it's really frustrating to always have your opposite Like right.

00:16:40.682 --> 00:16:43.811
We just see things so differently and it's weird with you.

00:16:43.811 --> 00:16:45.332
You're a lot like him and I.

00:16:45.332 --> 00:17:03.758
I think sometimes we forget to like, oh like good marriage advice years ago I heard, but I don't follow, but I'm going to start following is you always want to assume the best in the other person, Like you always want to know their intentions are pure Right, which is so true when you think about it logically, but sometimes when you get like I'm also our fight.

00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:07.498
Hmm, remember, no I normally think that until you said that nasty thing about me.

00:17:07.498 --> 00:17:11.452
No, I do.

00:17:11.452 --> 00:17:12.837
That's why I always get along with you.

00:17:12.837 --> 00:17:17.448
Yeah, I always know your intentions are pure Right, like I never think you're out to get me, I know and.

00:17:17.448 --> 00:17:19.333
I'm not doing anything weird.

00:17:19.333 --> 00:17:22.680
Jury's out, but no, the jury's not out.

00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:26.373
It's going to be fine, but some days I get sensitive, and that's what happened yesterday.

00:17:26.373 --> 00:17:27.515
It was an off day.

00:17:27.515 --> 00:17:28.537
Yes For an off comment.

00:17:28.537 --> 00:17:29.778
That would have probably never bothered me.

00:17:29.818 --> 00:17:36.974
Sometimes I'm more I think about things before I say them yes, and I didn't think, and I didn't say the nicest, we can't.

00:17:37.135 --> 00:17:37.916
We'll have to discuss it.

00:17:37.916 --> 00:17:38.518
Let's quit talking about it.

00:17:38.518 --> 00:17:39.359
No, we have to discuss it now.

00:17:39.359 --> 00:17:39.961
No, just quit talking about it.

00:17:39.961 --> 00:17:41.284
It's true, to our listeners they don't care.

00:17:46.336 --> 00:17:47.477
We're being honest podcast.

00:17:47.477 --> 00:17:48.178
Have you listened?

00:17:48.178 --> 00:17:49.019
No, but I listen.

00:17:49.019 --> 00:17:50.361
I watch it on Instagram.

00:17:50.361 --> 00:17:51.821
I know I hate when people say that.

00:17:51.883 --> 00:17:53.284
Like people are like I watch your podcast.

00:17:53.284 --> 00:17:56.894
I'm like a 30 second clip is not my podcast and you're doing that with hers.

00:17:56.894 --> 00:17:57.738
I do it with hers.

00:17:57.758 --> 00:18:00.372
Yeah, like you're not watching your podcast, I listen to it.

00:18:00.372 --> 00:18:04.276
It's not, I won't listen to it, but I'll watch the clips Little 30 second clips are great.

00:18:04.276 --> 00:18:05.837
Oh, I love the 30 second clips.

00:18:05.837 --> 00:18:08.560
They make me want to listen, but you haven't even listened.

00:18:08.681 --> 00:18:12.125
Yeah, people always like I watched your podcast, I'm like you did so, did you hear?

00:18:12.125 --> 00:18:13.125
They're like no, I'm all.

00:18:13.125 --> 00:18:16.530
You watched a clip, get watching it, hear the whole thing.

00:18:16.530 --> 00:18:30.044
But your clips are very good, tyler, right, so I think that's where, like, I sometimes let people too close, where I see some things in them that I'm like, but I'm like I love them anyways.

00:18:30.044 --> 00:18:38.579
Right, you know, because people have loved me anyways, because I am a jerk, right, like, if you listen to the podcast when you meet me in public, you think I'm so nice.

00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:41.935
I would say I seem very nice to normal people, oh totally.

00:18:42.858 --> 00:18:43.601
Which this is like.

00:18:43.650 --> 00:18:45.532
Tyler probably thinks you're way nicer than me.

00:18:45.553 --> 00:18:47.095
No no, tyler and I have had talks.

00:18:47.095 --> 00:18:52.482
Tyler look, yeah, see, he's seeing the other side now, right, tyler?

00:18:52.482 --> 00:18:59.073
No, we've had like, but that means you're in my inner circle.

00:18:59.073 --> 00:19:00.136
When you see the real, that means like we're bonding.

00:19:00.136 --> 00:19:04.250
Yes, that sounds bad, but only a few people see the not-so-nice side of me, right, honestly, yeah.

00:19:04.270 --> 00:19:05.271
Like my whole team has.

00:19:05.392 --> 00:19:07.634
Like I see it all the time, yeah, but not all.

00:19:07.634 --> 00:19:08.815
See, Tyler, You're in the inner circle now.

00:19:08.835 --> 00:19:14.119
I'm not every day he wouldn't say I'm so nice, yeah, he would say you're nicer now, really, yes, I don't know.

00:19:14.119 --> 00:19:31.180
So when people get to know me more, tisha's actually nicer than me Sometimes I would say that Once you're in with Tisha, it's nice all the time, right, she'siders get jerked by me.

00:19:31.180 --> 00:19:33.701
Yes, yes, it's so weird.

00:19:33.701 --> 00:19:34.343
Yeah, you're right.

00:19:34.343 --> 00:19:35.765
All my best friends will agree with this.

00:19:36.204 --> 00:19:39.356
I give time to all the outsiders, right, I don't give time to the insiders.

00:19:39.356 --> 00:19:41.457
I am like nicer.

00:19:41.457 --> 00:19:44.076
I'm more forgiving to the outsiders, way more.

00:19:44.076 --> 00:19:52.632
Yes, I know this, know why it's a thing.

00:19:52.632 --> 00:19:53.355
So I feel like our the jerkies.

00:19:53.355 --> 00:19:55.727
Yeah, no, I'm not that nice, because now they've heard me say more things than like the average person.

00:19:55.727 --> 00:19:55.907
Totally.

00:19:55.907 --> 00:20:00.138
So I do feel like the everybody knows now that I'm very like, believe in everybody.

00:20:00.138 --> 00:20:02.711
But once you're like close to me, you can hurt me.

00:20:02.711 --> 00:20:05.980
And then I'm very sensitive, like what happened yesterday, right?

00:20:05.980 --> 00:20:10.317
So if that was a random where they said this one thing that offended me, right, it would.

00:20:10.317 --> 00:20:11.441
It would have been no big deal.

00:20:11.441 --> 00:20:12.222
I would have loved them.

00:20:12.222 --> 00:20:14.215
I would have been like they're having a bad day.

00:20:14.336 --> 00:20:20.775
Yes, but because it was you it was like no, it was like I killed somebody and I just didn't.

00:20:20.775 --> 00:20:22.671
I didn't say the right thing it was.

00:20:22.671 --> 00:20:26.580
I'm not discounting what I said, because I didn't realize it was offensive.

00:20:27.122 --> 00:20:33.872
Yes, Because I wasn't meaning it to be offensive.

00:20:33.872 --> 00:20:43.038
So when I like people, I do want Tisha to always um tell me if I'm liking the wrong person, because we've had well, because a few times now I didn't like the people she's bringing around into our inner circle again.

00:20:43.238 --> 00:20:58.192
I don't care if they're just your Joe Schmo acquaintance, but when they're coming around our inner circle I am a little more protective so when I like someone like, it doesn't happen that often, but when I like someone like a lot in a new meet, I get like excited very excited.

00:20:58.212 --> 00:21:00.880
Then I started bringing them in in everything, in all the things.

00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:02.993
It's like it's zero to a hundred.

00:21:03.074 --> 00:21:06.461
Yes, so, and then what she meant was something else, Right?

00:21:06.461 --> 00:21:08.512
So we were still talking about it again today.

00:21:08.512 --> 00:21:10.759
How it hurt my feelings and how blah, blah, blah.

00:21:10.759 --> 00:21:17.994
And I didn't mean for it to hurt her feelings and she just knows that what she's saying is, when I'm intrigued by somebody, that's her word is intrigued.

00:21:17.994 --> 00:21:18.912
Yes, we'll say.

00:21:18.912 --> 00:21:27.470
She used a different word yesterday that I didn't love, I did and I was like you think I just like people for like different reasons, right?

00:21:27.529 --> 00:21:28.392
That isn't why I like people.

00:21:28.392 --> 00:21:30.637
Maybe money, sex and power.

00:21:30.637 --> 00:21:32.122
No, I'm just kidding.

00:21:36.849 --> 00:21:40.057
It's ditty, but kind of, but I don't want to say too much about the details no, and I think it's great that you believe in everybody I do.

00:21:40.057 --> 00:21:41.401
I think it's such a great quality.

00:21:41.401 --> 00:21:48.199
I think it's great that you want to see the best in people and love them if you see a need.

00:21:48.199 --> 00:21:52.951
I think that is like how God created you and you're that way for a reason.

00:21:52.951 --> 00:21:54.733
So I think that's amazing.

00:21:54.733 --> 00:22:01.596
I just don't always love when I feel like maybe they're kind of weird and then they're around.

00:22:01.596 --> 00:22:04.704
I'm like but so that's it.

00:22:04.746 --> 00:22:05.287
So I was.

00:22:05.287 --> 00:22:06.349
We're still talking about today.

00:22:06.349 --> 00:22:08.999
That was a fight, but it was the anniversary of my dad.

00:22:08.999 --> 00:22:11.769
So I was super sensitive about like a lot right and she got like a lot right.

00:22:11.769 --> 00:22:16.182
And she got like a little sassy and she doesn't always do that or she can read the days to do that, yes.

00:22:16.182 --> 00:22:25.790
So she got sassy and it was like we were working and I was just like wasn't a good I get very embarrassed in front of other people too about like private things, right, like I seem like I'm really out there.

00:22:26.451 --> 00:22:28.174
Like my mother-in-law the other day was like crystal.

00:22:28.174 --> 00:22:33.984
You totally fart in front of kyle and I was like I do not yeah I'm like very private, like it's weird.

00:22:33.984 --> 00:22:38.012
I'm more out, yes, but you would seem more private on the outside.

00:22:38.012 --> 00:22:41.961
But you're actually totally fart in front of ben and poop with the door open.

00:22:41.961 --> 00:22:43.231
It's so like no way.

00:22:43.753 --> 00:22:45.478
I don't know why I would shut the door in my own house.

00:22:45.478 --> 00:22:46.681
It's like it's.

00:22:46.780 --> 00:22:49.694
I live here I want to know it's open.

00:22:50.056 --> 00:22:52.622
I want to know sometimes be like gosh, can you turn the fan on?

00:22:52.622 --> 00:22:53.042
It smells.

00:22:53.042 --> 00:22:55.815
I'm like no, go in the other room, like I don't want the fan on.

00:22:55.815 --> 00:22:59.894
It's too loud and I like to sit and and it's weird, you let him help you wipe.

00:22:59.894 --> 00:23:00.857
No, I don't.

00:23:00.857 --> 00:23:02.000
That's so dumb.

00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.730
He's all finally clean.

00:23:04.730 --> 00:23:06.211
Yeah, gross.

00:23:06.211 --> 00:23:10.894
No, I don't do that, but I do poop with the door open and I think it's weird if you don't.

00:23:11.074 --> 00:23:19.077
And do you fart Like like I don't fart a lot, but when I do, they're silent but deadly, and I totally do it.

00:23:19.137 --> 00:23:20.138
I'm like, oh, watch out.

00:23:20.759 --> 00:23:21.660
Yeah, isn't that funny.

00:23:21.660 --> 00:23:26.402
And I'm like, so, not like that, I'm like way more private with private things.

00:23:26.402 --> 00:23:31.845
But like, but I give the illusion, I'm like like Bonnie's like you, I would think you like run around naked.

00:23:31.845 --> 00:23:34.205
I was like, yeah, that's fine, Right, but I don't fart.

00:23:34.205 --> 00:23:37.347
I don't fart in front of my friends, Like if I do, it's like really embarrassing.

00:23:37.428 --> 00:23:48.659
Yeah, Remember when one came out that one time at the cabin and I was like what is going quarter?

00:23:48.838 --> 00:23:50.842
Yeah, because that story is reminding me of some things.

00:23:50.842 --> 00:23:59.018
But as a teacher and coach I have seen kids more as a teacher, that people have wrote off.

00:23:59.018 --> 00:24:00.481
Written off, how do you say it?

00:24:00.481 --> 00:24:01.044
Written off?

00:24:01.766 --> 00:24:02.186
Written off.

00:24:02.186 --> 00:24:03.049
I feel like written off.

00:24:03.049 --> 00:24:08.998
Written off as like a bad kid or like they don't listen or they're not trying.

00:24:08.998 --> 00:24:11.479
That's like one of my biggest pet peeves.

00:24:11.479 --> 00:24:15.157
Hardly listen or they're not trying that's like one of my biggest pet peeves.

00:24:15.157 --> 00:24:16.201
Hardly ever is someone not trying more often.

00:24:16.201 --> 00:24:18.672
When people aren't trying at something, it's because there's a lack of confidence there, right?

00:24:18.672 --> 00:24:37.409
But I've always been the kid that people said were bad or weren't trying, or like my friends misunderstood me and thought I was a jerk because I was like a bullyish well, I think that's where you think that the people are just needing someone to believe in them and then they won't have these things anymore that you're trying to help with.

00:24:37.509 --> 00:24:41.019
Yes, so, which is good, and I do think you can be right.

00:24:41.019 --> 00:24:44.440
I just think in some cases, you can be wrong too, especially as adults.

00:24:44.820 --> 00:24:49.856
Yeah, I think I get it wrong more than I get it right, but the ones I get right they're like really exciting, great, yeah, yeah and like get it right, but the ones I get right.

00:24:49.876 --> 00:24:52.160
They're like really great, yeah, yeah, and like a lot of people closest to me.

00:24:52.160 --> 00:25:03.772
I think this is what you were trying to say with the other person you use, which you worded that wrong too?

00:25:03.772 --> 00:25:06.519
Was that like, sometimes, people that other people don't like or get annoyed by, or like?

00:25:06.519 --> 00:25:14.020
I like really strong personalities, whether it be clearly, whether it be like everything I believe in, nothing I believe in.

00:25:14.020 --> 00:25:30.615
Like Jamie, one of our best friends we probably have different views on a lot, right, she's one of my best best friends, so I like a lot of like diverse people and I feel like you're more like you, like your people that are like more like you, yes, and I like you know what I'm saying.

00:25:30.615 --> 00:25:34.778
Yes, if you look at my best best friends, they're so different.

00:25:35.099 --> 00:25:39.670
Mm, hmm, I think you like, I think that is you like a strong personality.

00:25:39.690 --> 00:25:40.816
Yeah, I love a strong personality.

00:25:41.171 --> 00:25:43.095
And I don't love a strong personality.

00:25:43.095 --> 00:25:45.701
I'm like Shut up.

00:25:46.369 --> 00:25:48.450
But that's probably where things get hard, right?

00:25:48.450 --> 00:25:51.535
Because when I bring another strong personality in with you, it's like annoying.

00:25:51.535 --> 00:25:53.337
I'm like who's this bitch?

00:25:53.397 --> 00:26:03.317
no, I'm just kidding yeah, it's funny we're getting really deep it's like a counseling session that is really funny, though, because I do think that's where I don't love the strong personalities as much.

00:26:03.317 --> 00:26:04.700
Personalities, yeah.

00:26:04.980 --> 00:26:07.092
I feel like a lot interesting.

00:26:07.092 --> 00:26:09.316
That's maybe what you meant with your bad wording.

00:26:09.316 --> 00:26:10.718
Is like strong people.

00:26:10.959 --> 00:26:11.138
Yes.

00:26:11.199 --> 00:26:14.023
Strong people are intriguing to me, yes, no matter what.

00:26:14.023 --> 00:26:15.251
Yes, like Tyler's.

00:26:15.251 --> 00:26:18.817
Intriguing to me, mm-hmm, because he's very like strong, very smart in his craft.

00:26:18.836 --> 00:26:19.920
Take your shirt off, Tyler.

00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:36.952
Yeah, speaking of, we're going to Anyways, okay, so the book I was reading Kyle's very strong too, which is funny.

00:26:36.952 --> 00:26:38.757
Um, the book I was reading seven habits of highly effective people is so good.

00:26:38.757 --> 00:26:38.977
I read it.

00:26:38.977 --> 00:26:40.059
In college I had a really like boyfriend.

00:26:40.059 --> 00:26:40.500
I didn't understand.

00:26:40.500 --> 00:26:41.743
Well, we were just weren't meant to be together, which you guys?

00:26:41.743 --> 00:26:48.690
I saw my ex-boyfriend at the I if you listen, you know who you are, because you're going to know when I say it, and I talked about you on a podcast and I have utmost respect for you.

00:26:48.690 --> 00:26:49.511
We just weren't meant to be.

00:26:49.511 --> 00:26:52.941
I saw him at the game game, at the Liberty game, the high school I coach at.

00:26:52.941 --> 00:26:56.699
He was there with his kids and I was driving home because I don't like to take the bus with the cheerleaders.

00:26:56.699 --> 00:26:58.798
It's just like I don't love being on a bus.

00:26:58.798 --> 00:27:01.891
I feel like confined, you know, like I'm stuck with them.

00:27:02.152 --> 00:27:02.972
I feel like it's crashing.

00:27:03.353 --> 00:27:05.355
Yes, all of it, but my daughter's.

00:27:05.355 --> 00:27:08.778
I just don't like it, so I drive separate.

00:27:08.778 --> 00:27:10.882
So I was driving home and it was totally that Garth Brooks song.

00:27:11.343 --> 00:27:12.604
I just thought when you were saying that.

00:27:12.604 --> 00:27:15.771
I just thought of that song and it was out of game Like Friday night.

00:27:15.771 --> 00:27:16.836
I think of that song all the time.

00:27:16.958 --> 00:27:20.238
Yes, and it was like sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

00:27:20.238 --> 00:27:20.900
It's so good.

00:27:20.900 --> 00:27:44.671
Yes, and I was talking to one of my cheerleaders I know they're not innocent, but I'm like you're not and we had a great talk about like all the things sex dating, all the things and I was talking about my ex-boyfriend and I saw him and I was like, oh my gosh, and I was telling her we just weren't right and I was trying to make it right and it just wasn't right.

00:27:44.671 --> 00:27:53.574
And sometimes, when you're trying to work at something so much, like my worst day with Kyle is my best day with any other guy, right, like he never makes me feel sick to my stomach.

00:27:53.574 --> 00:27:55.220
I never don't feel like he loves me.

00:27:55.220 --> 00:28:01.838
I never like he drives me nuts because we're different, but like I never feel it's not like the relationship.

00:28:01.959 --> 00:28:04.103
No is an issue feelings.

00:28:04.103 --> 00:28:10.823
Oh my gosh, all the people are no, I, I literally thought of that song when you were, I and it.

00:28:10.823 --> 00:28:11.878
We were talking about this last week.

00:28:11.878 --> 00:28:12.952
I think it was like how sometimes we're so song when you were, we were talking about this last week.

00:28:12.952 --> 00:28:17.738
I think it was like how sometimes we're so busy when you're like a maker, things happen.

00:28:17.738 --> 00:28:20.916
You are so used to making things go your way.

00:28:20.916 --> 00:28:21.759
I'm very like that.

00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:25.273
You're like that too and sometimes you miss like, was it you?

00:28:25.315 --> 00:28:40.769
I was talking about this with yeah, we talked about it a lot lately and like sometimes you miss why God is doing things, but it was like so good, like, even if you miss like a flight, maybe it's because of and if you just look at everything through that lens of, why is this happening?

00:28:40.769 --> 00:28:44.280
Oh, it must be because it's like what God wants.

00:28:44.280 --> 00:28:49.473
You're less stressed out about it, about the things not going your way If it's not working out.

00:28:49.473 --> 00:28:51.519
I wish I could like tell that to my kids.

00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:51.681
I can.

00:28:58.690 --> 00:28:58.789
Yes.

00:28:58.789 --> 00:29:01.638
So Natalie Natalie, my best friend growing up and she's still one of my best friends she, um, we went on this thing.

00:29:01.638 --> 00:29:07.977
Her dad is Tom, he's a pastor, you're squeaking um and we were very involved in youth group and we, like you and I, went on our love everyone thing.

00:29:07.977 --> 00:29:09.602
We went on it's all gonna work out.

00:29:09.602 --> 00:29:11.282
So every day, no matter what happened, we'd go on it's all gonna work out.

00:29:11.282 --> 00:29:15.403
So every day, no matter what happened, we'd go great, it's all gonna work out and everything worked out.

00:29:15.403 --> 00:29:16.047
It does.

00:29:16.067 --> 00:29:17.932
Like we didn't have money to go to JB's.

00:29:17.932 --> 00:29:19.076
You'd get like free ice cream.

00:29:19.076 --> 00:29:20.359
We'd be like it's all gonna work out.

00:29:20.359 --> 00:29:23.102
And then, all of a sudden, we'd run into someone and they'd be like, hey, you want to go to JB's.

00:29:23.102 --> 00:29:27.576
Like we don't have any money.

00:29:27.576 --> 00:29:28.196
They're like I do.

00:29:28.196 --> 00:29:29.358
We'd be like it's all going to work out.

00:29:29.358 --> 00:29:30.842
Right, guess, we're not going to the movies tonight.

00:29:30.842 --> 00:29:42.039
And then we ended up having the best night ever Met up with some randoms Not like random people on the street, like random friends, like we weren't planning to hang out and then plans unfolded into the best plan ever, yes.

00:29:42.289 --> 00:29:57.297
So we always sat back and we're like it's all going to work upset or wondering why this is happening, and knowing, oh, this is meant to be.

00:29:57.297 --> 00:30:00.474
This way You'd have such a better peace about everything.

00:30:00.836 --> 00:30:07.074
Yeah, I think that's something I've actually leaned into the last year is I've been like less control.

00:30:07.074 --> 00:30:17.932
I don't want control of everything because I think seeing my dad pass in the way he passed, if I were to pick the most perfect day ever, the way my dad would want to die, that would have been it.

00:30:17.932 --> 00:30:24.738
It was crazy, it was so like it was even my niece Lincoln and I've talked about that a little on old podcasts.

00:30:24.738 --> 00:30:30.204
But my niece Lincoln was born with a congenital heart defect and a bunch of other medical issues.

00:30:30.204 --> 00:30:30.906
She lived.

00:30:30.906 --> 00:30:41.773
They wanted my sister-in-law to terminate the pregnancy and my sister-in-law's a person of faith, and decided if God wants this baby to be born, she'll be born and it's in God's hands.

00:30:41.773 --> 00:30:44.853
And they totally let go of control, which has to be so hard.

00:30:44.853 --> 00:30:48.769
And Lincoln lived 13 months and it was the biggest blessing in all of our lives.

00:30:48.769 --> 00:30:51.198
My life is forever changed because of Lincoln.

00:30:51.861 --> 00:30:58.835
We, kyle and I, made so many big decisions during that time that changed the trajectory of our whole life and we saw like life in front of our hands.

00:30:58.835 --> 00:30:59.695
That was so precious.

00:30:59.695 --> 00:31:04.892
But I think sometimes the way Lincoln passed was the most beautiful thing, as much as it was so hard.

00:31:04.892 --> 00:31:08.488
It was like so God and same with my dad.

00:31:08.488 --> 00:31:10.271
I always worried.

00:31:10.271 --> 00:31:21.974
I always knew my dad wasn't going to be in a hospice or in a nursing home or have full-time care, and I think why I made myself so sick during those two weeks before he passed is I saw where it was time to make a decision.

00:31:21.974 --> 00:31:24.353
He couldn't live just with my mom anymore.

00:31:24.353 --> 00:31:26.251
We were having to go check on him all day.

00:31:26.251 --> 00:31:40.476
This is intimate, but my dad lives with my brother and one day I went to go surprise them and bring them dinner and I saw my dad had like had an accident and that was like.

00:31:40.496 --> 00:31:45.590
Saw my dad had like had an accident and that was like my dad would never have my mom help with something like that.

00:31:45.590 --> 00:31:46.133
Right, he's such a man man.

00:31:46.133 --> 00:31:46.515
Right, and like.

00:31:46.515 --> 00:31:48.061
Seeing that, I was like he won't want to live like this much longer.

00:31:48.061 --> 00:31:49.626
Right, like he's just a prideful man.

00:31:49.626 --> 00:31:51.170
No, he would never want to live.

00:31:51.170 --> 00:31:52.953
And that was such a pivotal moment.

00:31:52.953 --> 00:31:53.836
I'll never forget it.

00:31:53.836 --> 00:31:59.672
And I was like, oh, it's getting time, but I worried we were going to have to get a nurse or we were going to have to do something.

00:31:59.672 --> 00:32:02.554
So I was making myself sick and my dad got to go out.

00:32:02.554 --> 00:32:09.416
My mom and I talked about yesterday we almost thought he was turning a corner because my dad almost died like 10, 12, 15 times so many times we all were like.

00:32:09.457 --> 00:32:11.327
Every December he was in the hospital.

00:32:11.488 --> 00:32:12.670
Yeah, Every December.

00:32:12.670 --> 00:32:18.145
We almost lost him, that's why, it's so beautiful still that he died in December, like it's his time.

00:32:18.145 --> 00:32:20.112
December was always hospital time.

00:32:20.112 --> 00:32:21.515
I always missed everything in December.

00:32:21.535 --> 00:32:22.405
His lungs are filling.

00:32:22.405 --> 00:32:22.988
He's sick.

00:32:22.988 --> 00:32:24.853
It happened every year, so it was in.

00:32:24.873 --> 00:32:25.253
December.

00:32:25.253 --> 00:32:29.394
We and we thought he was turning a corner because, weirdly, he was starting to do a little better while we were in Vegas.

00:32:29.394 --> 00:32:40.511
So I didn't go help him to the room that night, cause he was, like, had some pep in his step, right, he gambled, he I think he even had a drink and it was literally like an Italian meal with his favorite people.

00:32:40.511 --> 00:32:45.275
If I were to write how he would have wanted to go in the casino, it would have been it.

00:32:45.275 --> 00:32:57.875
But if we would have tried to like step in that weekend and not send him to Vegas because everyone told us not to right, he might've passed in my mom and my brother's house and that would have changed everything.

00:32:57.875 --> 00:32:59.471
Right, like having that memory there.

00:32:59.471 --> 00:33:02.775
Right, it was like we all go to Vegas all the time.

00:33:02.775 --> 00:33:07.351
So it's like going to someone's gravesite, kind of Like we're, and anytime we all gamble.

00:33:07.351 --> 00:33:08.113
I think of my dad.

00:33:08.113 --> 00:33:08.875
It's just weird.

00:33:09.486 --> 00:33:18.109
And even yesterday my mom's birthday was when he passed and we didn't love it when it first happened, but we were trying to focus on my mom's birthday yesterday more than him passing.

00:33:18.109 --> 00:33:19.570
So it's kind of like a blessing.

00:33:19.570 --> 00:33:23.095
But I told my mom, if they both go, it's going to be a really horrible day.

00:33:23.095 --> 00:33:25.876
Oh, that's a horrible day, I know, but God has a plan.

00:33:25.876 --> 00:33:32.546
But I think when we live like that, I don't know, and with that boyfriend, if I would have just let it fall, right, so what?

00:33:32.546 --> 00:33:40.817
What I was saying it all really is going together is I was listening to the book of seven habits because I was with him and I was trying to change myself to make us work.

00:33:40.817 --> 00:33:50.912
You know, when you do that, like chameleon we've all had the chameleon era where, like I had bangs and black hair because she was dating a Mexican.

00:33:51.313 --> 00:33:51.492
Is that?

00:33:51.492 --> 00:33:52.797
Is that politically correct?

00:33:52.797 --> 00:33:54.348
You say it like that.

00:33:54.348 --> 00:33:54.750
So Latino?

00:33:54.750 --> 00:33:55.130
Are they the?

00:33:55.130 --> 00:33:57.095
They the same Hispanic?

00:33:57.316 --> 00:33:58.645
Oh yeah, we got to be fluent.

00:33:58.645 --> 00:33:59.288
Yeah, it's funny.

00:33:59.288 --> 00:34:05.530
So Kennedy was texting a boy last night and he's Mexican and Ben goes oh, she's got your, your genes.

00:34:05.530 --> 00:34:06.814
She likes the Mexicans.

00:34:07.074 --> 00:34:08.177
Deja always dated Mexicans.

00:34:08.177 --> 00:34:11.148
I love a Mexican yeah, she does, and she loves Mexican food.

00:34:11.148 --> 00:34:14.494
I still do, yeah, I do, and their family would make all the tamales.

00:34:14.655 --> 00:34:15.956
I learned to make really good tacos.

00:34:15.956 --> 00:34:17.619
I love a Mexican, yeah, yeah.

00:34:18.829 --> 00:34:19.572
But we try to change.

00:34:19.572 --> 00:34:20.929
You try to look more Mexican.

00:34:20.929 --> 00:34:21.713
I did yeah.

00:34:21.713 --> 00:34:25.574
So the chameleon era if you're in it, stop trying to make it work.

00:34:25.914 --> 00:34:26.677
Right, you shouldn't.

00:34:26.677 --> 00:34:28.431
I never changed one thing for Ben?

00:34:28.431 --> 00:34:30.231
In fact, I feel like I'm more myself.

00:34:30.231 --> 00:34:32.193
You are more yourself with him than anyone.

00:34:32.534 --> 00:34:32.974
Crazy.

00:34:32.974 --> 00:34:38.838
Yeah, I feel like I'm more myself too when Kyle wasn't coming with me on Thanksgiving.

00:34:38.838 --> 00:34:41.440
You know when you think you're like I'm.

00:34:41.740 --> 00:34:42.021
Joe.

00:34:42.041 --> 00:34:47.554
Miss Independent and I'm always like I got it and like there was something where I was like I would not be okay without him.

00:34:47.554 --> 00:34:49.030
It's like just a reminder.

00:34:49.224 --> 00:34:52.088
I'm like I can't even think about it.

00:34:52.088 --> 00:34:52.829
It's horrible.

00:34:52.889 --> 00:34:54.431
Yeah, but in the book.

00:34:54.431 --> 00:35:05.206
I remember I was listening to the book on the plane, going on a trip with that person that I saw at the game and I was trying to make it work and trying to make it work, and then I just should have just said we're just not getting it Right.

00:35:05.206 --> 00:35:09.730
I think as women, we're always worried, and girls we've talked about this before they worry about being last.

00:35:09.730 --> 00:35:20.505
Don't worry about being last in your 20s or being the last one to get married.

00:35:20.505 --> 00:35:21.592
You better wait for the right one and don't be.

00:35:21.592 --> 00:35:22.583
It's better to be the last married than first divorce I'll say that over and over again.

00:35:22.498 --> 00:35:23.021
It's better to be.

00:35:23.021 --> 00:35:23.036
So.

00:35:22.949 --> 00:35:36.396
Many people have gotten divorced that were married first and when you're young and your friend gets married, you know when it's right and you know when it's wrong oh, the night you got engaged I called said boyfriend, the bangs, the latino, yeah, and I was like you better propose to me or we're done.

00:35:36.476 --> 00:35:37.659
He's like we're broken up.

00:35:37.659 --> 00:35:39.572
I'm like, but we're really done.

00:35:40.735 --> 00:35:42.101
You did break up with him right after.

00:35:42.402 --> 00:35:45.411
I think I broke up with him right before, but we were like still trying.

00:35:45.411 --> 00:35:46.954
I was still trying to make it work.

00:35:46.954 --> 00:35:50.349
And then, once you got engaged, I knew I couldn't for you.

00:35:50.349 --> 00:36:00.137
I just knew if, if he couldn't because he it was two years I feel like he was making me think I was crazy for wanting to get married after two years.

00:36:00.137 --> 00:36:06.869
And I it confirmed when I saw what you, because you guys had only been dating Five months, yeah, a few months.

00:36:06.869 --> 00:36:10.014
So when I saw that you got engaged, it was.

00:36:10.014 --> 00:36:22.530
It made me like reflect on my own relationship and my own, like the things that I want for my life and I was like that's not a bad thing to want to get married after two years.

00:36:22.530 --> 00:36:25.248
That's normal, yeah, and they always make you feel crazy.

00:36:25.248 --> 00:36:29.146
Exactly, he was making me feel crazy and then, once you got engaged, I was like I'm not crazy.

00:36:29.146 --> 00:36:30.188
So then I called him.

00:36:30.188 --> 00:36:31.210
Didn't work out.

00:36:32.655 --> 00:36:33.295
No, it does.

00:36:33.295 --> 00:36:33.536
Though.

00:36:33.536 --> 00:36:53.010
When my brother, when my brother, started dating and and same thing they got engaged like this my sister-in-law, allison, right when I was with the guy for two and a half years in college, and when I saw their relationship, it was like the best version of my brother Version not version the best version of my brother.

00:36:53.010 --> 00:36:55.273
They were so founded on like principles that mattered.

00:36:55.273 --> 00:37:00.938
It was like so clear God brought them together that I was like this, isn't that like you knew, like this, isn't that?

00:37:00.938 --> 00:37:02.750
I feel like that happened with all of us totally.

00:37:02.809 --> 00:37:05.277
I feel like when I found Kyle, it changed you.

00:37:05.277 --> 00:37:08.034
You found Ben, it changed our other friend, jen Keller.

00:37:08.034 --> 00:37:09.199
I feel like she like it.

00:37:09.420 --> 00:37:11.909
All you like feel, realize what's real and what's not.

00:37:11.909 --> 00:37:12.893
Definitely you know.

00:37:12.893 --> 00:37:15.302
But so the book again.

00:37:15.302 --> 00:37:16.545
This is the longest story about the book.

00:37:16.545 --> 00:37:20.737
I was listening to it again today because I need to remember the values and principles in it.

00:37:20.737 --> 00:37:26.873
And what's funny is when I listened to the book or read the book on the plane years ago with that boyfriend, it did help us get along a little.

00:37:26.873 --> 00:37:31.034
So it like prolonged the inevitable because I was working on myself so much.

00:37:31.034 --> 00:37:35.568
It was exhausting, right, but I was thinking about it today with Kyle, my husband.

00:37:36.009 --> 00:37:40.193
It talked about in our fight today too, our discussion.

00:37:40.193 --> 00:37:41.996
We don't really like fight, fight, we more discuss.

00:37:41.996 --> 00:37:42.416
You just get mad.

00:37:42.416 --> 00:37:59.568
Remember on the plane when we were young and I was all like we used to fight big In college, I was all, you know, forgot about that, the flip off, and then one time our friends were all there and I was all and it was like bad, I think, because we're passionate.

00:37:59.588 --> 00:38:02.217
But in the book it talked about win-win and it was talking about how people want to.

00:38:02.217 --> 00:38:04.385
We need to strive to understand before we're understood.

00:38:04.385 --> 00:38:22.891
And he was talking about and the book was written 30 years ago he was talking about in society when we're rushing and rushing and rushing, we're not listening to people as much because our to-do list is so big and this is me normally my to-do list is so big, there's so many things I'm trying to get done and you might do this with your kids, or anyone might do this with their kids, like, what do you need?

00:38:22.891 --> 00:38:24.440
What do you need every day?

00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:27.570
Like, and sometimes we're not listening to understand.

00:38:27.570 --> 00:38:30.175
We're listening to get our thing, okay, cool, you want.

00:38:30.175 --> 00:38:32.226
Okay, get in the car, get this.

00:38:32.226 --> 00:38:32.668
Like.

00:38:33.047 --> 00:38:40.519
And I think sometimes kids and people react so poorly or are so angry because they don't feel heard, they don't feel understood.

00:38:40.519 --> 00:39:10.264
And and I was thinking about Kyle, my husband and I'm like, yeah, the Bahamas, like I want to go to the Bahamas, so bad that maybe I wasn't hearing, that I haven't been making money as much, and like I do need to maybe cut some things if travel is still going to be a big thing for me, if I'm not making enough money, right, and if I would have just listened before I started arguing, like maybe he would have put his guard down more, right, but like I was so big on getting my point across that sometimes I'm not listening, I'm not like really listening.

00:39:10.324 --> 00:39:15.530
I think maybe you weren't feeling heard about this specific topic.

00:39:15.530 --> 00:39:19.114
I don't think he hears you a lot in this topic.

00:39:19.114 --> 00:39:25.280
How important it is to you, yes, so I think that was like why you were frustrated.

00:39:25.581 --> 00:39:29.545
Totally so.

00:39:29.545 --> 00:39:32.474
This weekend, with you gone, tisha was in Bahamas, and we don't like call each other when we're out of town.

00:39:32.514 --> 00:39:35.949
really, no, unless it's really urgent, Like work for five minutes.

00:39:36.010 --> 00:39:37.355
I mean we talked Really, that's it really?

00:39:37.355 --> 00:39:38.860
No, unless it's really urgent, Like work for five minutes.

00:39:38.860 --> 00:39:43.833
I mean we talked really, that's it, Cause it's like our time with our families and our husbands get annoyed at our relationship.

00:39:43.833 --> 00:39:44.134
It gets weird.

00:39:44.134 --> 00:39:46.967
But, um, when you're gone I have to tell him everything, Cause I can't tell you, you know.

00:39:46.967 --> 00:39:49.253
So I'm like so today, he's like I love this.

00:39:49.293 --> 00:39:50.556
He's booking flights for me.

00:40:03.105 --> 00:40:03.802
He loves it Like, and he does get more attention.

00:40:03.802 --> 00:40:06.072
And it was a slower paced four days because we weren't running everywhere, so we do get along great when that's happening.

00:40:06.072 --> 00:40:08.748
And, um, then I feel like, because he's feeling understood, his guard is down Right, so same as my guards not down because I'm not feeling understood about travel.

00:40:08.748 --> 00:40:14.869
I feel like there's things that I'm just like you know, like he calls me during the day, I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah, you know cause.

00:40:14.909 --> 00:40:16.936
I'm thinking about all my things I want to do, yeah.

00:40:16.936 --> 00:40:23.393
So me during the day I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, because I'm thinking about all my things I want to do, yeah.

00:40:23.393 --> 00:40:29.711
So in the book today I was thinking I need to be better, because it was talking about our values versus our principles and like how important things are first, not urgent, like right now my client that's calling that really wants to talk about this house.

00:40:29.711 --> 00:40:33.731
That's urgent, but what's more important are, like my values of like being here.

00:40:33.731 --> 00:40:35.255
This is something that's to me.

00:40:35.255 --> 00:40:42.396
So I need to put like people's urgent things aside versus like what's important to me that's a good reminder.

00:40:42.485 --> 00:40:42.666
I don't.

00:40:42.666 --> 00:40:43.710
I feel like I don't do that.

00:40:43.710 --> 00:40:48.271
I feel like I put the urgent things above and in our job when things are urgent.

00:40:48.331 --> 00:40:53.333
They're urgent Because our kids and our husbands matter, so they should be the most important Right.

00:40:53.505 --> 00:40:54.628
So they should feel heard first.

00:40:54.628 --> 00:40:57.635
But sometimes when there's something urgent coming up, I don't.

00:40:57.635 --> 00:41:00.742
I like to deal with things right away, I don't like to put things off.

00:41:00.742 --> 00:41:01.545
It's very stressful.

00:41:01.545 --> 00:41:02.628
Oh, I love that you're like that too.

00:41:02.668 --> 00:41:11.469
I think you're great because I always want to just address the issue and get it solved, because I can't stand the feeling of something hanging over me and thinking about it all day or some looming.

00:41:11.469 --> 00:41:15.159
It's stressful, so I just want to deal with it right away.

00:41:15.159 --> 00:41:20.132
So sometimes I'll put the more important thing on the back burner because I'm dealing with the urgent matter.

00:41:20.132 --> 00:41:23.650
That doesn't matter, but it was so good Cause I do it.

00:41:23.650 --> 00:41:24.793
Yes, it's horrible.

00:41:24.853 --> 00:41:25.795
Yeah, that's a good point.

00:41:25.795 --> 00:41:28.329
It was so good and it was like sometimes you need to win.

00:41:28.329 --> 00:41:35.570
Win and it was talking about like synergy, and I do think that's our strength, is our work team, and I do think it's our strength with Tyler as much as Tyler.

00:41:35.570 --> 00:41:46.554
Sometimes we're sassy, but the fact that we can say the truth to Tyler or to each other about what we really like, our vision, you get farther when we all listen to each other than just like my way.

00:41:46.775 --> 00:41:46.994
Right.

00:41:47.076 --> 00:41:59.177
You know, and I do think at work we do listen to each other's point of view, even though it gets kind of like sassy sometimes more me but I think that's what makes us so successful in business is because we do really listen to each other.

00:41:59.177 --> 00:42:03.740
Like what do we think we should do and we really talk about it and we really like and and and when.

00:42:03.740 --> 00:42:19.588
When is taking a little of what you say and a little of what I say, and I think you and I even though we had the fight, we really are good at that Like we do take a little of what you want to do and a little of what I want to do and we do it that way instead of like one of us not feeling heard.

00:42:19.809 --> 00:42:20.190
Yeah, I feel well.

00:42:20.190 --> 00:42:34.311
Ben and I had like a really weird moment and then we like worked through it because I explained how and I'm not a big explainer, I'm feeling you are with Ben well, because otherwise he's so yeah, so I have to explain why I'm doing this.

00:42:34.552 --> 00:42:50.978
But CJ the listeners don't know my oldest got in a car accident on, but just himself, no one else was involved, and so he was driving by himself and then he called and he was crying and he said, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

00:42:50.978 --> 00:42:53.773
And I was like okay, where are you, are you hurt?

00:42:53.773 --> 00:42:55.632
Like is anyone else involved?

00:42:55.632 --> 00:43:01.795
And obviously once we found out, no, but he was getting off the freeway when he got in the accident.

00:43:01.795 --> 00:43:06.269
So I'm still scared he's on the side of the freeway going to get hit by a car.

00:43:06.269 --> 00:43:06.690
I.

00:43:06.690 --> 00:43:07.954
It was just very stressful.

00:43:07.954 --> 00:43:10.648
So I run in the room and I'm like Ben, we got to go get him.

00:43:10.648 --> 00:43:25.726
This happened and I have never seen Ben as mad in our whole marriage as he was mad, right away, right away, before you got to CJ before and that is interesting, and I was annoyed because I was so like I could tear up thinking about it.

00:43:25.907 --> 00:43:33.369
I was so worried and I I still am so shaken up about it because it was so scary and and I didn't.

00:43:33.369 --> 00:43:37.797
He said he was okay on the phone but I'm like, is he okay, yeah, and is he going to get hit on the side of the freeway?

00:43:37.797 --> 00:43:39.231
I just wanted to get there so bad.

00:43:39.231 --> 00:43:40.931
So I go, ben, let's go, we got to go.

00:43:40.931 --> 00:43:45.016
So he gets in the car and and he's not fast, he's so slow.

00:43:45.016 --> 00:43:46.429
I'm like, oh my God, let's go.

00:43:46.429 --> 00:43:53.431
You know, I know too, yeah about it.

00:43:53.431 --> 00:44:02.670
And he was like I've never seen him so mad and he said the f-word and he does not lose his cool and he like punched the steering wheel.

00:44:02.670 --> 00:44:04.635
I have never seen him act like this.

00:44:04.635 --> 00:44:07.329
It was like shocking, yeah, I couldn't believe it.

00:44:07.329 --> 00:44:16.514
I was so taken I couldn't even believe it, because he does not like I'm always coming unglued, yelling and cussing and doing all these weird things.

00:44:16.815 --> 00:44:20.594
He's very composed and he was just like mad about the money.

00:44:20.594 --> 00:44:25.530
He's like this is going to be a fortune and I was so worked up Still we're not there to him.

00:44:25.530 --> 00:44:29.050
Now I'm mad that I know he's safe, yeah, but then I wasn't.

00:44:29.050 --> 00:44:37.637
So we are driving to go get him and he's going on and on about how expensive and the money and and I was like let me out of the car.

00:44:37.637 --> 00:44:41.034
I'm going by myself, Like, and so I'm trying to get out of the car.

00:44:41.034 --> 00:44:42.096
He's like you're crazy.

00:44:42.096 --> 00:44:44.291
We're like on the road, on the main road.

00:44:44.291 --> 00:44:45.333
I'm trying to jump off the car.

00:44:45.333 --> 00:44:47.246
It was like a crazy like we.

00:44:47.246 --> 00:44:48.568
We looked like crazy people.

00:44:48.568 --> 00:44:50.170
So emotions are high.

00:44:50.170 --> 00:44:51.130
I think that's kind of normal.

00:44:51.130 --> 00:44:53.114
So we got there, we got him.

00:44:53.114 --> 00:44:54.396
Okay, we had to tow the car.

00:44:54.396 --> 00:45:00.974
But then later that night we were talking and because I told him, I said I hate parenting with you.

00:45:00.974 --> 00:45:02.599
It, you're the worst.

00:45:02.599 --> 00:45:04.764
I love that you're being honest.

00:45:04.764 --> 00:45:06.833
I know I feel bad no, but it's not.

00:45:07.034 --> 00:45:24.967
There's those moments he's the best dad, like he literally gives everything to his family, but he is so worried about not the things I'm worried about sometimes and it's frustrating, yeah, and in that moment I was just so scared our son wasn't okay or was not going to be okay and well, and that kind of grosses you out sometimes.

00:45:25.148 --> 00:45:27.916
I was so grossed out I'm like what's wrong with you?

00:45:28.186 --> 00:45:30.876
and then I just was like I hate parenting with you.

00:45:30.876 --> 00:45:31.780
It's awful.

00:45:31.780 --> 00:45:33.144
Yeah, it gives you that weird feeling.

00:45:33.144 --> 00:45:37.672
I go it's the worst part about being married to you and so that was hurtful.

00:45:37.672 --> 00:45:42.500
And so he does this thing where he like reflects and doesn't get over anything.

00:45:42.500 --> 00:45:43.527
So I'm already over it.

00:45:43.527 --> 00:45:45.378
Once everything was safe and everyone's fine, you know.

00:45:45.378 --> 00:45:47.889
And later that night I'm like okay, what are we having for dinner?

00:45:47.889 --> 00:45:53.288
And he's like you know, when you told me that you hate parenting with me, that was really.

00:45:53.849 --> 00:45:58.619
I'm so I'm trying to be nice Cause I don't want to get bigger.

00:45:58.619 --> 00:46:08.434
So I try to explain, like, okay, I just was frustrated in that moment about the safety of our child and that was the only thing I cared about, and you caring about the other stuff.

00:46:08.434 --> 00:46:14.731
I was just so in my emotions and you don't act right when you're in emotion, so I said a hurtful thing.

00:46:14.731 --> 00:46:25.192
I don't mean that, yeah, but cause he's a great dad, but yeah, so, but you're both not feeling heard.

00:46:25.192 --> 00:46:25.773
No, I was thinking that.

00:46:25.773 --> 00:46:26.436
So we had to talk it through.

00:46:26.436 --> 00:46:32.777
We don't always do that and we had to have a whole talk and he had to say that that wasn't nice and I had to apologize and tell him I didn't mean it and blah blah, but it was just.

00:46:32.985 --> 00:46:35.849
But then you guys, that's good that you can talk through it, though, Right.

00:46:35.849 --> 00:46:37.231
Well, I think we're again.

00:46:37.231 --> 00:46:43.880
We're wired different, but it's so frustrating when they are so one way Parenting is the hardest thing.

00:46:43.880 --> 00:46:49.028
I was talking to newlywed and I was like she's, it's getting harder with the families and this and that, and I'm like, oh, it gets so much harder.

00:46:49.028 --> 00:46:50.213
Kyle and I go on a trip.

00:46:57.684 --> 00:46:58.969
We're like 10 years old best friends in the Bahamas.

00:46:58.969 --> 00:47:01.661
Yeah, it's different and parenting is so hard, but I think when we try to listen, well and nobody reacts the same to everything.

00:47:01.661 --> 00:47:03.447
So, like you said, I want people who are just like me.

00:47:03.447 --> 00:47:11.050
Ben reacts opposite of me in every way and it's great because I think we get both, but it's so hard to like collaborate with.

00:47:11.210 --> 00:47:34.786
Yeah, but I think, like we just talked about a lot, it's good to be heard and appreciate each other's differences and in the same time, it's all gonna work out like I had that moment too, where I was like so thankful for Kyle this weekend and I was like God totally picked him for me oh, totally and if I just stopped like getting annoyed by certain things and leaning into the fact that it wasn't my picker, it was God's picker.

00:47:35.286 --> 00:47:47.054
So, like everything he is, it was designed to compliment me and everything I am is designed to compliment him, and leaning into letting it work out Right Rather than trying to control each other or change him.

00:47:47.094 --> 00:47:50.394
Yeah, like he is supposed to yell about everything, exactly.

00:47:50.746 --> 00:47:52.311
Otherwise we would be broke on the side of the road.

00:47:52.311 --> 00:47:53.534
Totally A hundred percent.

00:47:53.534 --> 00:47:56.009
And with parenting Kyle's so better than me A lot.

00:47:56.028 --> 00:47:58.173
Like Ben makes our kids make the bed.

00:47:58.173 --> 00:48:07.851
I don't care if they make the bed, I don't make the bed, but it's so good that our kids are getting someone to tell them to make the bed Well, and it's structured Totally and you're not like as structured, I'm not as structured.

00:48:07.871 --> 00:48:21.364
Yeah, Well, I saw these that we took my mom to lunch and these kids were going crazy and the mom and dad were there and I was like, oh, if kyle was here, like this wouldn't go on right, he would have killed him already by now.

00:48:21.364 --> 00:48:29.275
Right, it made me appreciate him, even though I'm like, when I don't have him, I'm like, oh my gosh, they're abusing me, but anyways, so that's it jerking around oh, that's it.

00:48:29.295 --> 00:48:31.809
Let it all work out, it'll all work out.

00:48:31.809 --> 00:48:38.101
Yeah, god has a plan, totally, and tisha's getting her surgery next week on the hemorrhoids.

00:48:38.101 --> 00:48:43.199
Hopefully it comes out okay and the piercing is going to be gone too no anyways, thanks for listening.

00:48:43.199 --> 00:48:51.766
Welcome to jerking around a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great and it's real.

00:48:51.766 --> 00:48:52.286
Take care.