S3 E4: Murder, Celebrity Scandals, and Embracing Life's Chaos

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Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and Crystal makes fun of me all the time and it's great and it's real.

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Welcome to Jerking Around.

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Today we talk about If he wanted toking Around.

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Today we talk about If he wanted to, he would Letting it all work out.

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And P Diddy I mean we can't get enough and pooping your pants and UnitedHealthcare.

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That's not the right guy.

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He peed his pants.

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A lot of bodily functions.

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Yeah.

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Jay-Z, yeah, yeah, j-lo, j-schmo, j-leno.

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Okay, welcome to Jerking Around, welcome Today.

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Who knows what we're going to talk about, but for sure we're talking about the killing of the CEO from UnitedHealthcare.

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Yeah, I can't get over this.

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I was hyped about it last week.

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First of all, if you watch the video of this shooting which is crazy that they put that out it's completely a hit man, like completely someone that knows what they're doing they're not even phased by the fact that they're killing someone in public, very calculated, with the silencer on, like if I shot someone I would be shaking, I would be panicked.

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No, he was so calm and he just keeps going to make sure he hit all the key there's people driving, people driving by.

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He's not afraid there's a woman right there, right, supposedly waited out there all night.

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He had a fake ID going into a motel Like the guy was completely an experienced hit man, 100% Like born supremacy.

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Is that what it is?

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Yeah, born identity.

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Oh yeah, like born.

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You know how he's like on the run Right, like on the run right.

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So this guy is fully in like another country and in New York City.

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They have to act like they got someone to keep everybody safe, so they let's tell our listeners they pinned it on somebody.

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They have a suspect in custody yes, so we found out yesterday they have a suspect in custody.

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Um, they said that first of all, it's been a week they couldn't find anyone.

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They said that the guy was in mcdonald's with the gun on him, with this homemade silencer and with a five-page manifesto in mcdonald's.

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So I've killed someone in new york city.

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I'm hiding out.

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Um, he slept in a hostel the night before.

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Again, such an experienced hitman right this.

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So I'm going to bring my manifesto, my gun, my, my homemade silencer, my fake ID, to McDonald's.

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It's so laughable and no one does a manifesto for a murder Right Like there was bullet casings that had like words on it.

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Yeah, the words yeah.

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We should look it up, but I don't know if we care that much.

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But I just think when something smells fishy, something's weird, yeah, I don't feel like a guy that just kept shooting someone the way he did would be stupid enough to bring the gun, and a manifesto is just like well, if you're going to just give it all the evidence on a silver platter.

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Why not just walk into the police station and be like I did?

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it.

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The guy walked away without a care in the world.

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He got on his bike so calmly.

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It was such a planned killing.

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It's crazy.

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And supposedly don't.

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Don't count my words on this, but supposedly there was something about anesthesia where they were only going to cover so many hours of anesthesia, right, and then you were going to be on the hook for the rest.

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Yeah, so you're in a major surgery and it's taking longer than they had planned, probably because something goes wrong.

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And then they said, oh, three hours of anesthesia.

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Now this patient's going to have to pay, right.

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So I guess after the CEO was killed, they changed that.

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They took away the anesthesia.

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Yeah, and the other companies are like, we're not doing it.

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You know they're scared.

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We're not going down with it.

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But no kid.

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It's not him.

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Again, this Italian guy that has is very good looking.

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Not that that matters.

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Matters you're protective over him because he's Italian over.

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Italians.

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He's very good looking.

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He was valedictorian of his high school.

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He or college, he was magna cum laude, went to a ivy league college is like a crazy smart kid that's done all these great things, supposedly, but he happens to look like the guy that they have on camera.

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So I think they totally searched the facial recognition software for someone in New York that they could pin this on, or someone close.

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I know I wonder how they decide who they're going to pin it on, like how, what makes it?

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Is it like this?

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It's so frustrating?

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Well, cause they said he did have some like um some comments on social media.

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If Tisha and I ever kill someone or ourselves.

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I didn't do it, we didn't do it.

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Cause now I'm posting on weird sites.

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Yeah, they're framing me.

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That guy didn't do it.

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So I'm so sick about this yesterday because I can tell as soon as they pin him up that it's wrong and share the picture of the post you sent me.

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I know I'm getting there, so I'm praying about it last time.

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I'm like please let this guy, like, please help them, because, like when you're frustrated and you don't know what to do, I'm like the picture I'll have Tyler show it or I'll show it of the kid that they arrested when they bring him in.

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He peed his pants.

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A killer that shoots someone point blank three times the way.

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This guy does Is not peeing his pants.

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Doesn't pee his pants when he gets arrested.

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Correct but valedictorian, but.

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I would pee my pants.

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I would start just crapping myself.

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I'm thinking about it and I'm peeing my pants.

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I'm so sick about it.

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I went to bed sick about it.

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Jeez, jeez.

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We just said way too many things.

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And I don't know, tyler, if you can show it, but it says New York prosecutors file murder charges against suspect Luigi Mangione, yep, united Healthcare CEO.

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Man jillone, yeah, um, united healthcare ceo, this guy pissed his pants.

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You don't do this if you are such an experienced killer that you shoot someone in broad daylight, point blank, three places, like you, just don't.

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So everyone's sharing it.

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Like this idiot peed his pants and I'm looking at him like this is the most proven innocent thing I've ever seen.

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Yeah, this guy did not pee his pants when he got arrested, when he went into McDonald's with his gun manifesto and the freaking homemade silencer.

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What is a manifesto?

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It's like your why.

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Oh, like I'm gonna kill a lot of shootings that they pinned it on someone.

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They have a manifesto, but a lot of times it's after they kill themselves themselves.

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Yeah, so there's like the why.

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What do you know what his said?

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Why?

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What was his?

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I?

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didn't go into.

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I'm so aggravated with the whole thing, but I'm sure we can find it.

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I want to find soon, like the kid's valedictorian he's like well, this isn't the first time.

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You think that it's not the person that they pinned it on.

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You thought that with the uh Idaho murders here.

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Yeah, for sure, luigi Mangilone whatever it's Italian and I should know it caught scarfing down hash browns at mcdonald's before arrest for united health care.

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The guy didn't have the gun on him and I'm deciding to get a hash brown, he just did it.

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Yeah, yeah, the idaho shootings, the college ones, the stabbings, I'm, we're for sure, dying this week.

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This is it.

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I know, I'm scared.

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I love my kids, um, but no, there's so many people that have said that If I'm gone and then they're gone.

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I know, I know, but anyways, the Idaho murder no, that gets so dark.

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The things I've learned.

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It takes me down a really dark hole.

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But I don't think that guy is it.

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I'm on a few chat rooms that are weird, like Reddit threads.

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Yeah, she's in these weird chat rooms.

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Did that killing within a minute, killed four people with a knife?

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Isn't the guy that they arrested.

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It's someone that, again, is highly trained.

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Yeah, you don't.

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You don't pull that off that easily, that calmly going up the wood steps.

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That's so loud.

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Yeah, there's so much.

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And then the fact that they don't call the cops till noon the next day.

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It's so weird.

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There's so much wrong with that whole story that we're yeah, all of it is so wrong, but I don't call the cops until noon the next day.

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It's so weird.

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There's so much wrong with that whole story.

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And the parents that were yeah, all of it is so wrong.

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But I don't even want to get into it because it's dark, because those kids were very and their parents have been in jail with the same lawyer that they all have had.

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That guy is in jail for four years and they haven't had a trial yet.

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There's so many things wrong with that case, but with that case.

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But this guy didn't do it.

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A guy, a trained murderer, doesn't pee his pants.

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They just don't.

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No, but Tisha and I have both had accidents.

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Yeah, I think it's time we share those.

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No, I do so.

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I had, I'm gonna share and I don't know why, but I think I'm gonna.

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But I had my gallbladder out a few weeks ago, you guys know, and I was just.

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I was with a client at a house and you know you never think you're gonna go in your pants till you do.

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Yeah, it's like.

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It's like how you never thought you were gonna cheat until you did.

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No, I didn't cheat.

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That's horrible like on boyfriends?

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Yeah, not my husband yeah, let's tell that story.

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Boyfriends are different okay, do you believe, once a cheater, always a cheater, then no, because I haven't cheated on my husband so far but no, kyle and I.

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So's this weird, if you're listening, and you left something at my house.

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There's this weird Oakley's jacket at my house and it's like big, and so Kyle and I.

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Kyle thinks it's a guy, but you just had a party at your house, no it?

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was before the party.

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So it was even more weird.

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I was like clearly it's from the party.

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It's like a windbreaker like a baseball person's Maybe it's one of Maddie's friends, yeah, but it's like he's like who's Oakley Jacket and like we're watching this show and the guy leaves a bra behind when he's cheating yeah, and he's like the Oakley Jacket.

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I'm like you have this house.

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Our house is like Fort Knox.

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There's cameras everywhere.

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Yeah, you cheater thing.

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But anyways, I had my gallbladder out.

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I was with a client, I ran through my house and I didn't make it and I don't know why I'm sharing this, but you just never think that's going to happen to you until it does.

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I have this one time where I was pregnant with bear Kennedy was a baby and I went to Starbucks.

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It's when I lived out in cross river and I went to Starbucks and I ordered like a mocha drink and I wasn't drinking a lot of caffeine because I was pregnant and I decided to get one that day.

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And so I get the drink and I'm driving home and it hits me and I was like, oh my gosh, and you know when it's like you have to clench, oh that's what I was doing.

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It's going to come out.

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I wanted to cry.

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You can't move, no, so I pull.

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I remember I pulled into my, into my driveway and I was clenched and Kennedy was still a baby, where she was locked in the car seat.

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It took a minute and so I was like, oh my gosh, and so you have to wait until it goes back up.

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And I was like, okay, I'm waiting, waiting.

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And then I was like, okay, once it goes back up, I have a good 30 seconds to get her out.

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And I was like, what do I do?

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Do I leave her in the car, run in and go and then come back?

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But then I was worried about leaving her in the car.

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Like if she's gone, because I was crapping myself, yeah, and even if I shut the garage, it just felt weird leaving her in the car.

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So it went back up and I was like it's go time, so I run and I'm trying to get her out and I had leggings on and I fully just oh, it's the worst, but the leggings kind of hold it up there, like in its place.

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But when you pulled your pants down did it become yeah, Well, but it kind of held it in its place like a nice little you know yeah, a friend of mine had little kids and she had the same thing.

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She drank something and so she didn't want to make a mess in her pants.

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So she thought it would be a good idea to pull her pants down, just go in the seat and then sit at the front of the seat the whole way home.

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Oh man, front of the seat the whole way home.

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Oh man, yeah, I don't know how we got here.

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Oh my god, I'm not telling you right now.

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And um, she might be a listener, but moving on.

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So once you, once you crap yourself, you know it could happen.

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And then, once a cheater, always a cheer.

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Let's just go into that.

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Not, I don't think, once a cheater.

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I think in a relationship maybe like if he cheated on you, if I, if you were with Ben and he cheated on you once, yes, he might cheat on you again, for sure, but Like in a different, but in a different relationship, like you might cheat on one boyfriend and then you get married years later.

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This is me I'm talking about.

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Yeah, years later you get married to your husband and you're not going to cheat on your husband.

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I don't know, though.

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We're getting into a deep topic here, and we didn't even get to talk about.

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P Diddy, yet I do think it's a character thing.

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Well, I don't know, because I think sometimes in relationships, sometimes I think cheating is maybe a side effect I don't know how to word it right To like a bigger problem in the relationship.

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Yeah, like a byproduct.

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Yeah, byproduct is a better word.

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Like think, if you fix the root of the relationship, like then you fix the problem right, like when you cheated.

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I don't think you were happy in that relationship.

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No, I think that was more of the problem.

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Yeah, and I was like a kid.

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I mean I was like early 20s.

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Yeah, that's a kid a kid, I think, is like bear, yeah, your son, no, no, like a young adult, a young adult, you're a young adult, but I don't think you were happy in the relationship, no, so I think that's really more of the problem and he had cheated on me.

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So I felt like you got to get him back.

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Well, I was just like, it was just toxic, you know, does he still?

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does he know I?

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Don't know yeah, okay, moving on, moving on let's talk about P Diddy and cheating, because god knows there's a lot going on with that with Jay-Z.

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Well, p Diddy, jay-z now, which again we're really diving into what's wrong with the world.

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But I know, if p diddy is bad and doing these horrific things, then all the people in p diddy's life are pretty bad.

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100 like it's so bad.

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Well, no one's friends.

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Well, did you see?

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J-lo apparently did something to a underage girl too.

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What, what, yes she.

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But yet she just spoke at the presidential like Again oh, it's so bad.

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We're not doing the things J-Lo's doing or Beyonce Jay-Z's wife.

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We're making opposite choices of J-Lo who.

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Jay-Z was just claimed that he raped a 13 year old girl at a party with Jay-Z.

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They both did 100%.

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It happened.

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100%, it happened, happened.

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So what happened is again, if something happens to us, we love you all and we'll be in heaven.

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Yeah, but, um, what they're saying is that they I was reading the whole story because I want to talk about it today, but they were, it was like a grammy's or grammy's probably because they're singing and this 13 year old, which, again, let's talk about parenting why is a 13 year old at the pre-grammys without a parent?

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yeah, she was at some club or something.

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No, she was outside the grammys and when limos would come up, oh yeah, the guy grabbed her and said hey, come with us to a party.

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And then they flew her on the jet.

00:13:35.004 --> 00:13:41.086
Oh, I didn't know, they flew her a 13 year old's getting on a jet to his studio in in another state.

00:13:41.326 --> 00:13:42.509
Yes, 13 years old.

00:13:42.548 --> 00:13:49.636
There's so much wrong with this and when she got there, they had her sign a nondisclosure when she got to the party, which is don't do it.

00:13:49.657 --> 00:13:50.837
Then they gave her drugs and alcohol.

00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:52.946
Well, she thought that they spiked her drink.

00:13:53.427 --> 00:13:53.609
Yeah.

00:13:53.980 --> 00:13:57.811
But, and then she said that they both raped her.

00:13:57.811 --> 00:14:09.125
And then there was a woman, a high profile woman actress watching or celebrity, which I think is oh, it could have been JLo, because she alleged JLo did in in the oh.

00:14:09.485 --> 00:14:18.307
So yeah, she alleged all these things, that she saw Diddy's sons run a train on Justin Bieber oh my god which is so sad.

00:14:18.808 --> 00:14:19.750
I love Justin Bieber.

00:14:19.791 --> 00:14:23.149
I know I feel bad if that's real, I think it is real, but I feel bad.

00:14:23.149 --> 00:14:23.591
Oh, it makes me sick.

00:14:23.613 --> 00:14:24.316
I think it is real, but I feel bad.

00:14:24.316 --> 00:14:24.839
Oh, it makes me sick.

00:14:24.839 --> 00:14:25.039
I would.

00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:26.605
There's so much wrong with these people.

00:14:26.846 --> 00:14:27.126
I know.

00:14:27.488 --> 00:14:27.990
It's so bad.

00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:32.912
J-Lo did was watching why they held the girl down and did something weird.

00:14:32.912 --> 00:14:36.722
She like I think she Okay, yeah, I'm going to throw up.

00:14:36.722 --> 00:14:39.745
Yeah, it's all weird, I'm sick about it, but these?

00:14:39.745 --> 00:14:45.168
The point is, these people are sickos and if you're hanging out with P Diddy, you're not a good person, right, and he hung out with everybody.

00:14:46.250 --> 00:14:49.011
I think a lot more is going to come out from it, but it's really bad.

00:14:49.011 --> 00:14:50.033
It's really bad.

00:14:50.452 --> 00:14:50.653
Yeah.

00:14:50.734 --> 00:14:52.394
But moving on from P Diddy, it's awful.

00:14:52.495 --> 00:14:54.897
But people still don't believe it Like the super fans.

00:14:54.897 --> 00:14:55.496
It's weird.

00:14:55.496 --> 00:14:59.664
Who About P Diddy and?

00:14:59.784 --> 00:14:59.985
Jay.

00:14:59.985 --> 00:15:03.551
Everybody in the planet knows Jay-Z is awful and he is not cute.

00:15:03.791 --> 00:15:05.153
He would totally have to rape someone.

00:15:05.153 --> 00:15:06.174
He's the head of the triple.

00:15:06.174 --> 00:15:08.504
We're going down so fast.

00:15:08.504 --> 00:15:10.291
Oh it's bad, this ship's sinking.

00:15:13.061 --> 00:15:14.967
Okay, jay-z, I want to talk about something.

00:15:14.967 --> 00:15:15.607
Oh okay.

00:15:15.607 --> 00:15:16.359
Yeah, this was awesome.

00:15:16.359 --> 00:15:19.889
Tisha and I have been making notes now because we can't wait for Tuesdays.

00:15:19.889 --> 00:15:31.081
I got in the car today.

00:15:31.081 --> 00:15:32.947
I'm like I'm so excited about today and she's like I'm like great, we had our fight last week.

00:15:32.947 --> 00:15:33.730
Now let's make up and be excited again.

00:15:33.730 --> 00:15:34.894
But I haven't been watching reality tv as much as normal.

00:15:34.894 --> 00:15:36.058
But Teddy Mellencamp is getting divorced from her husband.

00:15:36.058 --> 00:15:40.883
She's a real housewives of Beverly Hills and her husband is um.

00:15:41.163 --> 00:15:42.624
Edwin Arroyo or whatever.

00:15:42.644 --> 00:15:46.208
Mc Mc, no, it's different.

00:15:46.208 --> 00:15:47.250
That's not his last name.

00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:50.056
Yeah, no, I don't think so.

00:15:50.056 --> 00:15:52.287
Oh well, look, we could look it up.

00:15:52.287 --> 00:16:01.948
But anyways, he actually owns a security company that one of our good friends works for and our good friend knows him very well and says he's the best guy, like a really great guy Totally.

00:16:01.948 --> 00:16:03.995
But I kind of heard he cheated, then she cheated.

00:16:04.034 --> 00:16:13.831
I don't know, Speaking of cheating, but she's cheating with her horse trainer and it's funny because her whole business is based on accountability.

00:16:13.831 --> 00:16:15.315
It's really funny.

00:16:15.315 --> 00:16:20.658
Now it's like, um, accountability by teddy I think that's the name of the business.

00:16:20.658 --> 00:16:27.908
I'm like, it's something, I think it's accountability by teddy, and it's like a weight loss program right where you, she just believes in accountability.

00:16:27.908 --> 00:16:28.732
Her whole, like mantra, is accountability.

00:16:28.732 --> 00:16:29.878
So, right when you, she just believes in accountability.

00:16:29.878 --> 00:16:30.883
Her whole, like mantra, is accountability.

00:16:30.883 --> 00:16:32.831
So, teddy, we're holding you accountable.

00:16:32.831 --> 00:16:35.652
Now, yeah, and we're going to be your accountability partner.

00:16:35.652 --> 00:16:39.413
That you were cheating with the horse trainer, but she's now moved in with Kyle Richards.

00:16:39.413 --> 00:16:47.734
So this is interesting to me because I've had, I've, I've gosh just saying.

00:16:47.894 --> 00:17:03.931
I keep saying let's be honest in my head yeah, because we always make fun, and I'm trying to be honest but I, I dated a guy that had just been divorced and like years ago, and what happened was when we were dating and he just got out of his 10 year marriage, it like became a fad.

00:17:03.931 --> 00:17:14.895
He was dating a younger girl I was young, he was like 10 years older than me um, and then naturally, like some of his friends, got divorced after that right because it looked so fun to be divorced.

00:17:14.936 --> 00:17:17.711
But it wasn't fun like what they were seeing on the inside.

00:17:17.711 --> 00:17:24.936
He had to go through so like lost so much money, went through so much and I honestly think he did regret it years later getting divorced.

00:17:24.936 --> 00:17:31.278
But I think marriage can be um a very like mundane, like day after day.

00:17:31.357 --> 00:17:33.349
Well, and usually these people that are getting divorced.

00:17:33.349 --> 00:17:34.693
It's not like it's a happy marriage.

00:17:34.693 --> 00:17:43.876
So I feel like it's initially exciting to be free of that, because I follow a girl on social media and I'm like so into her stupid divorce I can't even believe, I care so much.

00:17:43.876 --> 00:17:51.792
But she just got divorced and she's like I'm so happy but she talks about how toxic it was, but I and she's like I'm so happy, but she talks about how toxic it was.

00:17:51.792 --> 00:17:56.920
But I feel like it's like the initial break is so exciting, yeah, and it's the change.

00:17:56.920 --> 00:18:07.486
But I do think that once things kind of settle and the loneliness sets in and the reality of seeing your kids part-time and your family split, I don't think it's as exciting as it looks right away.

00:18:07.506 --> 00:18:16.830
No, and I think you have to like when you make a bad choice, like kind of you do a lot, so um, I'm just kidding, but I think you always want to stand behind your choice, like I did it, and now I'm free.

00:18:17.290 --> 00:18:19.031
Or you want other people to join on.

00:18:19.031 --> 00:18:21.433
So you're like, yay, it's so great, it's amazing.

00:18:21.433 --> 00:18:23.095
And then other people are like, oh, it's amazing.

00:18:23.515 --> 00:18:26.355
So now Teddy Mellencamp is also liking a woman.

00:18:26.355 --> 00:18:28.017
I'm just kidding, I'm kidding.

00:18:28.017 --> 00:18:29.657
No, but it's so stupid.

00:18:29.758 --> 00:18:30.919
I mean, she might know.

00:18:30.999 --> 00:18:34.240
Yeah, well, now they're joking that Kyle and Teddy are lesbians.

00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:35.701
That would be like me and you, cause they're best friends.

00:18:36.021 --> 00:18:37.922
I do kind of get that vibe from Teddy a little bit.

00:18:37.922 --> 00:18:45.713
Oh, I totally get that vibe and I get the vibe Her husband, I don't know oh wow, maybe not.

00:18:45.753 --> 00:18:49.118
I mean again, if we're not here next week, it's not a bad.

00:18:49.118 --> 00:18:54.513
I'm just no, no, no, yeah, but there is something I respect about Teddy is.

00:18:54.513 --> 00:18:56.117
I read that there again.

00:18:56.117 --> 00:19:02.089
I'm reading I don't know if it's true, but that they're letting the kids stay in their house that they lived in and they're taking turns coming and going.

00:19:02.269 --> 00:19:05.865
I love that and I do love that, because it's not fair to the kids.

00:19:05.865 --> 00:19:06.487
It's your choice.

00:19:06.487 --> 00:19:11.518
Yeah, the kids in the two houses is so hard, it's horrible and I know if you get divorced it's what you have to do and I don't live it.

00:19:11.585 --> 00:19:16.817
So I'm not trying to judge it because I lived it growing up and you never feel settled.

00:19:16.817 --> 00:19:18.729
You forgot something here.

00:19:18.729 --> 00:19:22.547
You, this or one house feels more like home, it's just, it's different.

00:19:22.547 --> 00:19:27.217
So to get to stay in your house that you've always lived in, I think is so, so you've always lived in, I think is so, so do I love it.

00:19:27.237 --> 00:19:28.518
I love that they're doing it that way.

00:19:28.518 --> 00:19:31.798
I have a feeling it won't last, but I love so.

00:19:31.798 --> 00:19:40.035
She's living with Kyle and he's living somewhere else, and then they have their three days at home, then they leave, but the kids get to stay in their house, and I thought that was amazing.

00:19:40.457 --> 00:19:42.566
It's good that they're putting the kids wellbeing first.

00:19:42.625 --> 00:19:52.239
Yeah, Because it's like sometimes it's not your choice but in talking about what you're talking about, I have a friend that's divorced and they try to have the healthiest divorce out of everybody that I know.

00:19:52.239 --> 00:19:54.548
Um, and she was just talking to me about the other day.

00:19:54.548 --> 00:20:06.693
She's had people come to her and ask like how is it on the other side kind of what you're talking about like you, because she just recently got married and they said you look so much happier, you found the guy.

00:20:06.693 --> 00:20:17.286
And she said it's so, not that like their marriage wasn't perfect and um, I do think they have the healthiest divorce they do, and you know who I'm talking about.

00:20:17.366 --> 00:20:17.907
They, they.

00:20:17.907 --> 00:20:23.326
He wasn't always like the best, most present father and he wasn't always the most he's.

00:20:23.326 --> 00:20:27.546
He's still a good friend of mine, so I want to be careful, but he wasn't the most like.

00:20:27.546 --> 00:20:29.269
They didn't communicate super well.

00:20:29.509 --> 00:20:34.705
Yeah you know, doting husband no yeah, and so I remember we talked about it like right before.

00:20:34.705 --> 00:20:43.834
She was unhappy and it's crazy, she like prayed about it and then she prayed for a sign, and then she got the sign, um, that it was time to get divorced.

00:20:43.834 --> 00:20:47.368
But I do think and a reminder of this all the time, the sign being he had an affair.

00:20:47.368 --> 00:20:49.393
Well, I don't know how much we want to share my gosh.

00:20:49.393 --> 00:20:50.095
Sorry, I didn't know.

00:20:50.154 --> 00:20:54.932
Edit, edit, well, I didn't know what kind of sign you're talking about for the jerkies, I didn't know who it is.

00:20:55.152 --> 00:21:04.401
Edit so that we find it, but um, we're not saying that because it's yeah yeah yeah, but um, anyways, they um.

00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:08.551
She sometimes not questions it, but when you're sharing kids, it's really, really hard.

00:21:08.551 --> 00:21:10.396
And she's like Crystal, people don't understand.

00:21:10.396 --> 00:21:13.534
She's like I want to start a podcast about the real truth about divorce.

00:21:13.534 --> 00:21:16.713
Yeah, because they did family holidays together for years.

00:21:16.713 --> 00:21:18.772
They would share everything together.

00:21:18.772 --> 00:21:19.910
They made it so healthy.

00:21:19.910 --> 00:21:27.335
But she said I'm remarried and it's a better marriage than my other one, but he doesn't love my kids the way their dad does.

00:21:27.335 --> 00:21:28.887
It's not the same.

00:21:28.887 --> 00:21:32.315
She's like sharing the jobs, it's my kids, it's not his kids.

00:21:32.315 --> 00:21:39.843
Yeah, he'll take them to school or this or that, but it's not the same as it being the father to your kids and the mother to your kids.

00:21:39.843 --> 00:21:41.490
It's still just different.

00:21:41.490 --> 00:21:44.132
And you know co-parenting, deciding on things.

00:21:44.132 --> 00:21:46.087
One got a phone, one wasn't ready for a phone.

00:21:46.588 --> 00:21:58.346
She doesn't get to put restrictions on the phone like she'd like, like I just think it'd be very hard when it gets hard when everyone remarries, because then now the spouse weighs in and I do feel like that's where it can get tricky women are just crazy.

00:21:59.008 --> 00:22:00.411
I think it's usually the woman.

00:22:00.411 --> 00:22:06.469
I'm crazy, I'm not afraid of that, but I think the woman always plays into the like well, yeah, she doesn't get.

00:22:06.469 --> 00:22:07.009
A say so.

00:22:07.029 --> 00:22:18.009
Then all of a sudden, you fight about the stupidest things well, my sister or someone I know, shoot edit, someone I know was they weren't married but they were together for like 10 years.

00:22:18.009 --> 00:22:21.637
They have a five-year-old together and they recently broke up.

00:22:21.637 --> 00:22:25.711
But it's a very healthy relationship, like they co-parent really.

00:22:25.711 --> 00:22:26.090
Well.

00:22:26.090 --> 00:22:31.859
Well, he started dating someone else, got engaged, moved in very fast.

00:22:31.859 --> 00:22:43.969
Well, the girl is now like mad that he still provides for his daughter and for the girl my friend and she's mad that he's doing so much for them.

00:22:43.969 --> 00:22:52.201
And like he was inviting my sister over on Thanksgiving and she was mad about it.

00:22:52.201 --> 00:22:58.611
And he's like so they're now having problems because he's like no, that's our family, like we're not going to be together.

00:22:58.611 --> 00:23:07.088
We're going to not not be together for the holidays because that's what's best for our daughter and I'm always going to provide for my daughter, and it's like they honestly get along so well.

00:23:07.088 --> 00:23:09.212
But now there's this other girl in the mix.

00:23:09.212 --> 00:23:11.395
That's and it's crazy.

00:23:11.395 --> 00:23:12.096
It's crazy.

00:23:12.116 --> 00:23:12.958
Yeah, the girls are crazy.

00:23:12.958 --> 00:23:14.861
Yeah, but it's funny.

00:23:14.861 --> 00:23:20.938
I was just watching something and the girls were talking about like how they went crazy over a guy.

00:23:20.938 --> 00:23:21.941
This is such a good topic.

00:23:21.941 --> 00:23:33.220
Yeah, and I have young girls so I coach cheerleaders and they listen, but like they like to tell me about their guy, like their dating advice, and we love giving dating advice.

00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:36.491
I love it Because we did it all wrong for so long that when we got it right.

00:23:36.491 --> 00:23:37.453
We're like let me help you.

00:23:37.513 --> 00:23:41.269
I feel like I'm an expert, yes, and I'm like okay, wrong, like what not to do?

00:23:41.484 --> 00:23:42.651
Yes, because I've done it all.

00:23:42.651 --> 00:23:52.892
Yeah, well, and listening, like one of the girls I I met her in in high school and I like mentored her and she's listening to the podcast and she's like you said you waited.

00:23:52.892 --> 00:23:54.596
I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know like.

00:23:54.596 --> 00:23:56.347
She's like, why didn't you tell me the truth?

00:23:56.347 --> 00:23:58.212
I'm like, well, yeah, we debated.

00:23:58.212 --> 00:24:03.595
You know, lying is good or or truth, but on the podcast we're just, let's be honest, so we just say it all.

00:24:03.595 --> 00:24:11.192
But she's like, I like that you're telling like the true stories, right, and I told her this weekend she was at our Christmas party and I said, well, yeah, why do you think I'm like this?

00:24:11.192 --> 00:24:12.711
Because I did it all wrong, totally.

00:24:12.711 --> 00:24:13.910
I did it the other way.

00:24:14.645 --> 00:24:34.865
But so many guys want to act like girls are crazy, like when I just said that, yeah, and I'm like it's the guy that makes the girl look crazy, right, Because they give you just enough, like bird seed right to make you think they're interested, and or when it's not right, you do feel crazy because it's like it's not the right person for you, if if you're leading you on.

00:24:35.145 --> 00:24:43.578
Yeah, they're not totally they're not not talking to you 100 like when there's another thing if you're crazy in a relationship, chances are you're not with the right guy.

00:24:43.578 --> 00:24:45.507
If he's making you crazy, it's not the right one.

00:24:45.527 --> 00:24:47.089
My ex before kyle- made me that right because I'm not crazy.

00:24:47.089 --> 00:24:47.751
Now it's not the right one.

00:24:47.751 --> 00:24:51.019
My ex, before Kyle, made me that Right Because I'm not crazy now.

00:24:51.019 --> 00:24:55.788
I was on the side of a freeway At my best friend's wedding as a bridesmaid Because we got.

00:24:55.788 --> 00:24:56.789
This is so embarrassing.

00:24:56.789 --> 00:24:57.711
But let's be honest.

00:24:57.711 --> 00:24:59.013
What's the new one?

00:24:59.013 --> 00:24:59.855
Not gonna lie.

00:24:59.855 --> 00:25:02.900
Yeah, kylie, kelsey Kelsey.

00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:04.119
She started a podcast.

00:25:04.119 --> 00:25:10.342
Podcast and it's number one on the charts and it's called let's not gonna lie and tisha and I, you know, is we always joke about let's be honest.

00:25:10.342 --> 00:25:11.082
Now we're not gonna lie.

00:25:11.082 --> 00:25:23.678
But, um, I really like her, but I didn't think the podcast was groundbreaking, but anyways, um, so I'm on this side, so we're at the wedding, but you know when a guy always makes you feel like an idiot yeah and he was drinking again.

00:25:24.681 --> 00:25:26.305
Not the healthiest relationship he was.

00:25:26.305 --> 00:25:28.329
You know, we drank together a lot.

00:25:28.329 --> 00:25:36.088
I'm not going to just blame him, but you know, when they're drinking you're like I might as well drink, and sometimes I think it's miserable to be with drunks, so you just drink to survive it.

00:25:36.088 --> 00:25:38.480
You know, um, and so we were both drinking.

00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:39.382
It's one of my best friends.

00:25:39.382 --> 00:25:40.383
I think I was a maid of honor.

00:25:40.383 --> 00:25:54.201
I mean, it was that close and we got in a fight and the way he would, we would make me feel like I just wanted to explode, freak out, like I felt like so frustrated, so like he was leaving me and you know when someone's walking away, how you're going to lose your mind.

00:25:54.201 --> 00:25:59.097
Yeah, like it was always so dramatic, like so tumultuous.

00:25:59.198 --> 00:25:59.618
Yeah, like.

00:25:59.659 --> 00:26:00.800
I felt like I couldn't even breathe.

00:26:00.840 --> 00:26:01.662
I was like he's leaving.

00:26:02.123 --> 00:26:08.270
So I left the wedding and it was in Sedona, which is like a small town up North, yeah, and it's really small.

00:26:08.270 --> 00:26:12.536
So if you're not careful you're on the like highway freeway, like switchbacks.

00:26:12.536 --> 00:26:22.457
So I had some drinks and so I wasn't thinking the most logical so I just started like hitchhiking on the freeway in my bridesmaid's dress because my shoe broke.

00:26:22.457 --> 00:26:23.519
I could have been murdered.

00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:24.846
Why didn't you guys leave the wedding?

00:26:24.846 --> 00:26:30.189
Because he left and I was because you got in a fight and it's embarrassing, yeah, so I think I just left.

00:26:30.230 --> 00:26:31.352
I think I was probably chasing him.

00:26:31.352 --> 00:26:32.953
Yeah, that's what's probably happening.

00:26:32.953 --> 00:26:34.403
I was probably trying to find him.

00:26:34.403 --> 00:26:38.304
For sure that, because I went not that crazy, yeah, but I would have tried to find him, yeah.

00:26:38.304 --> 00:27:00.362
So then I was literally hitchhiking on this like back road switchbacks, because it was in Oak Creek, yeah, and my best friend who was getting married, her aunt, saw me in the bridesmaid's dress and picked me up and I'm crying on, and she had a car full of like family, yeah, so she put me on her lap oh my God In the front seat as we drove back to drop me off.

00:27:00.382 --> 00:27:01.742
How embarrassing it was so embarrassing.

00:27:01.762 --> 00:27:03.805
Yeah, and I'm crying to her he doesn't love me.

00:27:03.805 --> 00:27:07.227
Yeah, he's gone and he's gone and he got a cab.

00:27:07.227 --> 00:27:08.428
There wasn't Ubers back then.

00:27:08.428 --> 00:27:12.872
And we go back to the wedding and you and my other best friend, jen, were going to kill someone.

00:27:13.813 --> 00:27:15.114
That's when I had the intervention with you.

00:27:15.114 --> 00:27:16.875
I was like this is not right.

00:27:17.195 --> 00:27:18.936
Yeah, yeah, you let me go on for a while.

00:27:18.936 --> 00:27:27.386
And then one night, tisha's the type that doesn't think it's her place to tell you when you're messing up.

00:27:27.386 --> 00:27:28.209
She likes to just watch people mess up.

00:27:28.229 --> 00:27:30.536
No, no, I'm supportive and I'm like they'll figure it out.

00:27:30.536 --> 00:27:31.960
You're more telling.

00:27:32.540 --> 00:27:33.022
I'm more like.

00:27:33.022 --> 00:27:34.529
I think everyone wants to know what I think.

00:27:34.529 --> 00:27:35.555
Yeah, they don't, and they don't.

00:27:40.142 --> 00:27:46.125
I'm like, if you ask, I'll tell you, but I'm not going to offer it and I'm like, hey, I think you're, this isn't good.

00:27:46.266 --> 00:27:50.868
So that was the pivot that night, like so I'm bawling all night Totally.

00:27:50.868 --> 00:27:53.530
I mean, jamie went, my friend, jamie, that's her name.

00:27:53.530 --> 00:27:56.932
She wouldn't say I ruined her wedding, but it didn't end the best, because I was crying all night.

00:27:56.932 --> 00:28:14.571
But the next morning, you know how like you apologize and you're like I don't know how it was just like fine, I just remember he was at breakfast.

00:28:14.571 --> 00:28:15.765
Yeah, he was at breakfast and I was like what, the actual, what the?

00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:20.067
And I was like fine, you know, when you're so desperate for like, yeah, the dream, and as you get older because I was in my later 20s, I think you start to settle because you don't want to be last, we talk about it.

00:28:20.067 --> 00:28:21.910
Yeah, don't worry about being last.

00:28:21.910 --> 00:28:26.804
So I think I just couldn't picture a lot of my friends were married, hence my best friend getting married.

00:28:26.804 --> 00:28:39.190
I was alone and so I really wanted to make this one work because I was scared of it starting all over it, taking years to find someone else and I don't know, he just had a hold on me big time that was my worst.

00:28:39.692 --> 00:28:43.594
So one night Tisha cried to me and said you're not happy, I hate seeing you like this.

00:28:43.594 --> 00:28:47.444
And I remember we both cried and then that was when I was really done, really.

00:28:47.444 --> 00:28:50.130
Yeah, that was it and I should speak up more often.

00:28:50.130 --> 00:28:53.727
Well, yeah, see, yeah, you should, and I should speak up a little less.

00:28:53.727 --> 00:28:59.311
But it was like I think that I was done after that and like done, done.

00:28:59.311 --> 00:29:17.006
And I was just talking to my friend about this yesterday I decided because in your 20s you're at the bars a lot because you're kind of bored, so like we would work all week and I was a teacher, so I'd work and teach and coach and I was giving so much of myself, and then on the weekends you're bored, so we'd be like I guess everyone's going out.

00:29:17.326 --> 00:29:18.189
That's what everyone did.

00:29:18.529 --> 00:29:26.993
Yeah, and so after him, because we like would go to like bars and watch, like I don't want to, that's not even me.

00:29:27.574 --> 00:29:36.198
You know, I was like a chameleon, like I was trying to be who he wanted, and I did that in a few relationships and finally I was like I'm just going to be who God wants me to be.

00:29:36.198 --> 00:29:47.990
Yeah, and I was like I'm just going to have faith that if I become the best version of myself, I will attract the right person and even if I don't, at least I'll be happy with who I am, which after that relationship I really wasn't.

00:29:47.990 --> 00:29:55.143
Yeah, and so I remember I like got really fit, I started running half marathons and I started spending time with family and I met Kyle.

00:29:55.143 --> 00:29:58.911
We broke up in October and I met Kyle end of December.

00:29:58.911 --> 00:30:01.123
It was crazy Right away, yeah, yeah.

00:30:01.223 --> 00:30:15.046
But it's like so many of you girls, it's like don't settle, be the best version of yourself, because when you date the right one and I think you kind of had the same kind of thing before Ben, your husband now where you were like I'm done, I'm going to be the best version of myself.

00:30:15.046 --> 00:30:19.290
Yeah, I'm not going to try to look Hispanic like you did with the other one, because we talked about that.

00:30:19.290 --> 00:30:21.646
I was laughing listening to it, so funny.

00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:23.346
Last week I think, or two weeks ago.

00:30:23.346 --> 00:30:32.671
But I think, like in the beginning, it's so important that you're sassy because Kyle only knows that version of me.

00:30:32.671 --> 00:30:34.178
He didn't know the drunk girl on the side of the freeway, right?

00:30:34.178 --> 00:30:34.980
Thank god you know he doesn't.

00:30:34.980 --> 00:30:46.021
I don't think he knows that story, but he saw me and he like fell in love with the best version of myself and I think after you have kids and things change, you only like they still only know that version, right.

00:30:46.021 --> 00:30:53.894
So it's like kind of nice because I always try to be that version of myself you know, yeah, well, and I I'm thinking back and like the crazy.

00:30:53.993 --> 00:31:05.939
I feel like I got crazy like that with all boyfriends and I never really get like that with Ben, like I've had a couple crazy moments, but he like when you hit him recently, I told us about that when?

00:31:06.059 --> 00:31:22.904
yeah, with the pillow, yeah well, I've had a couple moments where, like, I feel like he's not hearing me and I can feel like a freak out, but he de-escalates yeah, like it never escalates to what it escalated to with the other guys, like, and that feeling I would get all the time multiple times a week.

00:31:22.904 --> 00:31:28.605
Yeah, with Ben it's like I can count on one hand in 15 years how many times I've felt that frustrated.

00:31:28.605 --> 00:31:30.180
I agree, and I think so.

00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:36.023
If you're feeling like that in a relationship constantly, I feel like they shouldn't make you sick to your stomach, no god.

00:31:36.124 --> 00:31:49.490
And there has been a few where Kyle, like his bachelor party, got a little crazy and I almost was like I'm not gonna marry you yeah and I got sick to my stomach then and then like a few small things, but but honestly not near as much.

00:31:49.651 --> 00:31:49.790
No.

00:31:49.832 --> 00:31:50.834
Like it's not even the same.

00:31:50.834 --> 00:32:02.172
And then I was just talking to a friend of mine about this, because she just recently got married and she's super independent too, and she was like I had this dream that something happened to him and I woke up and I was in a panic.

00:32:02.172 --> 00:32:08.852
Yeah, and she's like sometimes I am so independent that I don't think I need him and it was such a good reminder that I would be a mess without him.

00:32:08.852 --> 00:32:12.188
Yeah, and I have that all the time, like I'm back at the bar, oh yeah.

00:32:12.220 --> 00:32:15.045
And I'm like trying to find a guy that just even will remember my name.

00:32:15.165 --> 00:32:17.208
Yeah, you know I mean it was I always have.

00:32:17.208 --> 00:32:19.346
I'm like serving and I'm getting triple sat.

00:32:19.346 --> 00:32:35.986
You know Not about the guy, the menu you know stressful.

00:32:36.006 --> 00:32:36.548
I need him to pay my bills.

00:32:36.548 --> 00:32:39.232
That's what it is like, maybe because you were very alone.

00:32:39.272 --> 00:32:45.602
I have had dreams where he's cheating and he doesn't care and he leaves me, and then I wake up and then I'm mad at him for like, I'm mad at him for like half.

00:32:45.602 --> 00:32:51.270
I'm mad at him for like half the day sometimes into the next day, depends how like, how bad he screwed up.

00:32:51.270 --> 00:32:52.794
But I'll be like the opposite.

00:32:52.794 --> 00:32:53.394
No, I'm mad.

00:32:53.394 --> 00:32:54.301
I'm like how could you?

00:32:54.301 --> 00:32:56.190
And he's like, what are you talking about?

00:32:56.190 --> 00:32:59.740
And then he's over, cause it's just a dream, and I'm like I'm not over it.

00:32:59.740 --> 00:33:02.903
So I make him, I punish him for the day, you know.

00:33:04.506 --> 00:33:05.626
No, we um.

00:33:05.626 --> 00:33:15.616
We were at our Christmas party this weekend and one of our friends met Tisha's husband and I'm not being weird, but he is good looking if you haven't seen him and she's like it was cute.

00:33:15.616 --> 00:33:21.343
She's like this is the guy that makes you coffee and does your laundry because, like she must listen to the podcast.

00:33:21.343 --> 00:33:26.173
She like touched his chest and she was like oh my God, his pecs, because he's like fit.

00:33:26.173 --> 00:33:30.481
And then she like went down, I know.

00:33:30.481 --> 00:33:37.505
And then she was like pulling his pants no, I'm just kidding, no, but she was like wait, he makes your coffee and he has pecs, like that it was really funny.

00:33:37.605 --> 00:33:39.832
Well, I think there was a moment and we talked about this.

00:33:39.832 --> 00:33:48.393
I remember, with the relationship that I keep talking about, and I do see him in life and if you listen, I'm over it, I'm happy for you and you're happy for me.

00:33:48.393 --> 00:33:50.605
But, um, I don't think he listens.

00:33:50.605 --> 00:33:51.490
I, you never know.

00:33:51.490 --> 00:33:51.993
You know.

00:33:51.993 --> 00:33:54.423
I mean I didn't think a few people listen that sent us mean messages.

00:33:54.423 --> 00:33:59.493
But, um, I remember, gosh, I lost my train of thought.

00:33:59.493 --> 00:34:02.503
I remember I was sitting after you had the talk with me.

00:34:02.503 --> 00:34:09.653
I was at work and I was a teacher and one of my friends was in like a four-year relationship and she told me, crystal, I'm never upset.

00:34:09.653 --> 00:34:10.976
And I was like never.

00:34:10.976 --> 00:34:13.626
And she's like, no, I'm like, do you fight?

00:34:13.626 --> 00:34:14.427
She's like barely.

00:34:14.427 --> 00:34:20.271
I'm like wait, really, because I think around me all my friends were in toxic relationships too.

00:34:20.271 --> 00:34:24.206
So I thought, well, it's better than that we're all feeling sick.

00:34:24.380 --> 00:34:25.380
We all felt sick.

00:34:25.380 --> 00:34:30.726
The guys all yelled at us, called us names, like it was kind of the environment we were around.

00:34:30.726 --> 00:34:34.291
And then when I was talking to this girl and she was like no, it's that easy.

00:34:34.291 --> 00:34:36.193
No, we always no, I, I.

00:34:36.193 --> 00:34:45.947
It was like this like light bulb moment where I was like you can have that, like my mom always told me you should, before marriage or before you're sharing money.

00:34:45.947 --> 00:34:51.255
You have nothing to fight about besides money, kids and money, kids.

00:34:51.255 --> 00:34:59.210
That's it, and I think really that's it Money, kids and maybe some people say sex I think that's a third one for some people like if they're having enough or whatever.

00:34:59.210 --> 00:35:17.420
But I always thought, mom, you don't understand, right, like we're working through it, like when you're having to work on things within the first year of your relationship, or if you're going to counseling before you're married, I feel like those are red flags, you know, unless you're going to personal counseling, yeah, like cause you maybe are a little crazy Totally.

00:35:17.500 --> 00:35:28.228
And I do think becoming the best version of both of ourselves helped us heal some of that like trauma from relationships and like become a better version of yourself, Cause I do think you bring baggage into other relationships.

00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:35.706
Well, when you're making bad choices, you feel your confidence is down, so you're naturally going to pick a worse choice.

00:35:35.706 --> 00:35:46.467
When you're being your best self and you're making good choices, keeping promises to yourself, doing healthy things, you're naturally going to have more confidence, so you're going to pick a better choice.

00:35:46.467 --> 00:35:48.972
You're going to attract a better choice, right?

00:35:48.972 --> 00:36:00.594
So I think if you are noticing a pattern of like bad things, maybe look at your choices and change those and you'll start attracting more of what you want.

00:36:00.594 --> 00:36:01.177
Totally.

00:36:01.860 --> 00:36:02.322
I in.

00:36:02.322 --> 00:36:09.460
When I used to teach high school, I used to read Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens with my students Such a good book if you're parenting Such a good book And're parenting Such a good book.

00:36:09.460 --> 00:36:19.431
And it talked about how we have an emotional bank account and how our choices either make deposits or withdraws, and when you make a withdrawal it takes like five more deposits to put it back.

00:36:19.431 --> 00:36:24.123
So if you make a promise to yourself that I'm going to work out today and then you don't, it's an emotional withdrawal.

00:36:24.123 --> 00:36:29.793
If you make a promise I'm going to work out today and you do it and maybe even go a little longer than you planned, it's like a double deposit.

00:36:29.793 --> 00:36:34.552
Yeah, If you choose to eat healthy today, which every Tuesday Tisha and I go to Chino Benito.

00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:43.925
I was thinking today I didn't want to go because I'm trying to eat better, but then I feel like it's so fun, so Well we're either going to make a deposit or withdraw today and we're going to let you.

00:36:44.525 --> 00:36:53.887
But, like you do create like emotional self-esteem, Even as an adult, like when I set my to-do list and I get most of it done and I make better choices, I am more confident.

00:36:53.887 --> 00:36:55.947
But when you don't, you're not as confident.

00:36:55.947 --> 00:37:02.967
And when you're a girl slurring around, your piggy bank is empty Totally Because you feel not good about yourself or even having sex.

00:37:02.967 --> 00:37:04.987
It's not like a deposit.

00:37:04.987 --> 00:37:05.307
No.

00:37:05.307 --> 00:37:12.288
So what we've learned in dating when you don't have sex, we're going right into it.

00:37:12.288 --> 00:37:20.831
When you're dating and all my cheerleaders if you're listening or young people, I would stand on literally a platform and say this as soon as you have sex, you are emotionally whacked.

00:37:20.831 --> 00:37:21.873
As a girl.

00:37:21.873 --> 00:37:22.663
You like.

00:37:22.663 --> 00:37:24.952
Release this bonding mechanism, yeah.

00:37:24.972 --> 00:37:35.193
They talked about it at church, like what physically happens to your body and your brain and the chemicals that are released, and like it's a scientific fact that you think you're bonded to this person.

00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:38.806
And it's laughable when girls are like I'm going to get mine.

00:37:38.806 --> 00:37:40.148
I'm like you're what?

00:37:40.269 --> 00:37:41.731
Or like on the, you're faking it.

00:37:41.731 --> 00:37:43.885
Yeah, like, go the rappers.

00:37:43.885 --> 00:37:45.478
Cardi B yeah, it's awful.

00:37:45.478 --> 00:37:47.063
I'm like you're disgusting, it's so bad.

00:37:47.123 --> 00:37:53.766
Yeah, but what happens is then you're connected and girls really care about their body count and or number, yeah, so it's like I don't want to add another number.

00:37:53.766 --> 00:37:56.309
I'll just try to make this thing work, because I don't want to have to add Right.

00:37:56.740 --> 00:38:11.550
And it's like you lose all and for the guy they're hunting yeah, so as soon, totally, they know they have you, they've been there, they've done it, they it just completely changes.

00:38:11.550 --> 00:38:20.342
So it's so important to wait till you're married to do those things, because then there's a bond and a commitment, rather than just the hunt be over and the girl connect so like in other relationships.

00:38:20.342 --> 00:38:26.161
If I were to bond, I stopped thinking clearly and I couldn't stand up for myself as much.

00:38:26.161 --> 00:38:39.833
But when you I waited with Kyle, I could walk away if something were to change because I wasn't connected like that and I was like I don't want to do that because then I'll think I'm bonded and then I think you can have like a better chemistry with somebody, even like kissing and all that.

00:38:39.833 --> 00:38:41.740
That's like a good sexual chemistry.

00:38:41.740 --> 00:38:44.965
That doesn't mean you're supposed to be in their life, no, like I've had relationships.

00:38:44.985 --> 00:38:47.590
Like, if you take that out, there's nothing good.

00:38:47.590 --> 00:38:48.672
I've had that.

00:38:49.012 --> 00:38:49.733
I've had that too.

00:38:49.733 --> 00:38:51.224
Yeah, I want to tell a story.

00:38:51.224 --> 00:38:52.262
I'm embarrassed about it.

00:38:52.262 --> 00:38:52.923
Just do it.

00:38:52.923 --> 00:38:54.869
Let's be honest, tell the truth.

00:38:54.869 --> 00:38:56.192
I'm going to cough.

00:38:56.860 --> 00:39:02.181
I sound like Phoebe Buffay Smelly cat, you know when she had the cold, kind of like it.

00:39:04.443 --> 00:39:12.210
So I was in a relationship with a similar guy that we've talked about man, and one time we were like again, this is the stupidest thing that I was even doing this.

00:39:12.210 --> 00:39:18.273
I was rating our relationship, clearly, looking for compliments, and I was like so in a relationship, like, how do you think we get along?

00:39:18.273 --> 00:39:19.094
He's like a six.

00:39:19.094 --> 00:39:20.996
I'm like what about spending time together?

00:39:20.996 --> 00:39:25.463
He's like like a five and I'm feeling really good about myself.

00:39:25.463 --> 00:39:26.786
Then I'm like what about like sexually?

00:39:26.786 --> 00:39:30.112
And he was like nine or 10 and you would have thought that was a win.

00:39:30.112 --> 00:39:33.478
I felt like literally so gross, right.

00:39:33.478 --> 00:39:36.652
And then everything else was like a low scale and I'm like that's all I am.

00:39:36.652 --> 00:39:38.802
Yeah, and I mean clearly he meant kissing.

00:39:38.802 --> 00:39:44.014
You know like how well we kissed and maybe like I might've let him touch something, but yeah.

00:39:44.128 --> 00:39:50.721
But um it, it just like made me that changed everything for me and I'm like but it just like made me that changed everything for me and I'm like that's like all I'm good for that.

00:39:50.721 --> 00:39:52.807
Messes with girls yeah, like it's not cool.

00:39:52.807 --> 00:39:58.463
No, so if you're not doing the sexual things and all of a sudden he stops calling you or he's a jerk, you're like peace.

00:39:58.463 --> 00:40:00.405
Yeah, because you don't have as much connected.

00:40:00.405 --> 00:40:12.125
But if you're doing it and then you don't want would fight and make up and feel like things are fine, it's just stop doing it, put a chastity on that thing.

00:40:12.125 --> 00:40:12.907
Stressful yeah.

00:40:13.059 --> 00:40:16.001
And you don't want to have to get an Audi and then get an Innie because you're doing it too much.

00:40:16.001 --> 00:40:20.110
Ew, I'm like, anyways.

00:40:20.110 --> 00:40:21.393
So then marriage.

00:40:21.393 --> 00:40:22.644
But yeah, it shouldn't be that hard.

00:40:22.644 --> 00:40:30.873
I get to talk about dating all the time with the girls, but I kind of want to talk about something too with the girls that are dating, because I disagreed with someone yesterday.

00:40:30.873 --> 00:40:34.010
So the girls that are talking, texting, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:34.010 --> 00:40:51.130
So in high school, if you're a high schooler, a lot of the guys have, like guy and girl friends, which I had a ton of guy friends until I got married, right Like, completely Talked to them on the phone all the time, which nowadays would probably be snapchatting, right like I would be snapchatting my guys.

00:40:51.130 --> 00:40:54.802
We would talk for hours at a time and I always had a relationship.

00:40:54.802 --> 00:40:58.398
I don't think you should not have guy friends until you're married, right like.

00:40:58.398 --> 00:41:02.561
I don't think a relationship should be that controlling that you can't talk to other members at the high school level.

00:41:02.621 --> 00:41:06.286
Yeah, and college like my guy friends saved me in college they were like that guy's.

00:41:06.286 --> 00:41:07.829
An idiot was like oh and.

00:41:07.829 --> 00:41:08.751
I went to the bars with them.

00:41:08.751 --> 00:41:16.128
We went to move like we had so much fun, because I think girls, naturally, and guys, they, crave affection or attention from the opposite sex.

00:41:16.128 --> 00:41:18.722
So you can get a lot out of that, out of a friendship.

00:41:19.503 --> 00:41:24.652
But I wonder, because my daughter had a friend who had a boyfriend.

00:41:24.652 --> 00:41:26.601
I feel like I shouldn't tell this story but go ahead.

00:41:26.621 --> 00:41:28.623
You're already this far and I already told so many bad stories.

00:41:28.643 --> 00:41:33.889
You told none, and so don't make this a clip because I don't think she'll listen to the whole thing, but anyways.

00:41:33.889 --> 00:41:42.617
So she had a, her friend had a boyfriend and he was like snapping Kennedy a lot and Kennedy's, her daughter, my daughter.

00:41:42.797 --> 00:42:03.932
And flirting with her in like to the point where, like one of the kids at school was like, Like kids at school were commenting on how much he was flirting, and so they broke up, the girl and the guy, and I was like, well, A, you would never date him because he dated your friend, but B, why would you want to date a guy that was doing?

00:42:03.952 --> 00:42:04.775
that with other girls.

00:42:04.775 --> 00:42:07.324
I think there's a difference in like talking and flirting.

00:42:07.324 --> 00:42:09.434
Yeah, like I wasn't flirting with my guy friends.

00:42:09.434 --> 00:42:14.893
Yeah, like Jen, one of our best friends, her husband, who she also dated in college.

00:42:14.893 --> 00:42:20.554
In college and high school we were best friends yeah, and like we talked all the time when they were dating.

00:42:20.554 --> 00:42:26.898
There got a point where, like junior year, they were clearly together for years right and then it was more inappropriate.

00:42:26.978 --> 00:42:27.259
Right.

00:42:27.358 --> 00:42:32.510
But we were still friends, right, and like, I just think there's a difference in talking and flirting, flirting, yeah.

00:42:32.590 --> 00:42:36.349
If they were snapping and talking before they dated, I think it'd be different.

00:42:36.349 --> 00:42:41.181
Yeah, I think it's different to maybe accumulate new best friends while you're dating.

00:42:41.181 --> 00:42:45.961
But, like I think so some of my girls are mad.

00:42:45.961 --> 00:42:57.661
Some girl like cookies to the guy, like there's some different stories that they're getting mad about, so then they're fighting about it and I'm like kind of like, just play it out, let's see what happens.

00:42:57.661 --> 00:43:01.478
Right, like I think sometimes girls go crazy too soon.

00:43:01.478 --> 00:43:03.682
Right, they show the crazy too soon.

00:43:03.722 --> 00:43:10.079
Well, it's hard because you don't want a guy that's talking to other girls but you also like they should have friends, yeah.

00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:12.344
So it's hard because it's like a fine line.

00:43:12.344 --> 00:43:14.693
Like a fine line, but you'll find out it'll.

00:43:14.693 --> 00:43:16.478
If they cheat, they cheat totally.

00:43:16.478 --> 00:43:20.036
It's you not letting them have a girlfriend it's not gonna keep her found out.

00:43:20.659 --> 00:43:23.628
That's weird, but yeah, it's not gonna.

00:43:23.628 --> 00:43:25.994
I don't think it's gonna change you being crazy.

00:43:25.994 --> 00:43:32.030
Like I don't have to be crazy with Kyle, I don't have to tell him to stop doing something, yeah then he's not talking to anyone.

00:43:32.130 --> 00:43:34.534
Yeah, like, and if he did, it's not weird.

00:43:35.056 --> 00:43:37.760
No, I mean you and Tisha and Kyle are going.

00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:38.983
This is weird.

00:43:38.983 --> 00:43:48.498
Tisha and Kyle are going on the cheer trip this weekend because I have my high school team is competing so I have to fly out late, so Tisha and Kyle are like going to dinner and like flying out together.

00:43:48.518 --> 00:43:57.311
It's getting weird, but like that's not weird to me no, and I wouldn't think it's weird if you and Ben no, because we're like family but yeah, and if you and Ben were talking on the phone.

00:43:57.311 --> 00:43:59.664
There's not one part of me that would think it was about anything weird.

00:43:59.664 --> 00:44:01.911
Yeah, yeah, I agree but I don't know.

00:44:02.112 --> 00:44:08.800
I just think, just save the crazy, because once you go crazy, you feel like an idiot, yeah, and then your confidence really goes messy.

00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:11.744
I just think if a guy's really into you, you'll know it.

00:44:11.744 --> 00:44:14.132
We just told the girls this great phrase.

00:44:14.132 --> 00:44:16.657
I think you might have told me it, but if he wanted to, he would.

00:44:16.657 --> 00:44:21.576
Yeah, I could like tag Tyler, topic or name of the episode.

00:44:21.576 --> 00:44:22.978
If he wanted to, he would.

00:44:22.978 --> 00:44:24.943
It's so true, it's not that hard.

00:44:24.943 --> 00:44:30.221
No, like even your friends, if they wanted to, they and some of my friends might be like yeah, you, jerk, you never call me back.

00:44:30.221 --> 00:44:31.603
Yeah, and if you wanted to, you would.

00:44:31.750 --> 00:44:35.259
Cause you make all these excuses why they're not doing what you want them to do.

00:44:35.259 --> 00:44:36.762
Oh, his phone got taken away.

00:44:36.762 --> 00:44:43.077
He couldn't call me or this.

00:44:43.518 --> 00:44:50.106
I wanted to say one more thing before we end, but last week Tisha and I talked about what she's not on board with this, but I'm miss motivation and I am.

00:44:50.106 --> 00:44:51.434
We talked about the story.

00:44:51.434 --> 00:44:53.251
See, she's already bored, it's so.

00:44:53.251 --> 00:44:53.833
What is it a?

00:44:53.873 --> 00:44:54.175
goal.

00:44:54.175 --> 00:44:55.318
No, I'm just kidding.

00:44:56.621 --> 00:44:59.719
No, we talked about letting things work out and oh yeah, I have been doing that.

00:44:59.719 --> 00:45:09.293
I have been like way more like just something derails.

00:45:09.293 --> 00:45:11.663
I'm like it's going to work out and crazily it is working out and maybe it's not the way I thought it would.

00:45:11.663 --> 00:45:31.315
But like letting go of control of the deviation of the plan, being a blessing not a curse and not controlling my choices so much Like I'm such a driver of the bus that sometimes I am like I'm going to make it happen, yeah, and like I'm really learning to like let go and let sometimes the problems be the solutions that I just don't see right now.

00:45:31.956 --> 00:45:38.670
So I challenge you this week we haven't done a week goal, but just try to let go of things a little bit more and say like it's going to work out.

00:45:39.231 --> 00:45:43.219
And weirdly it does work out and it might not be the way you thought it was.

00:45:43.219 --> 00:45:46.257
But if you sit back and look at it it might be better.

00:45:46.257 --> 00:45:47.947
It might be working out better.

00:45:47.947 --> 00:45:54.152
I've seen that in work all the time, besides the last month when I didn't have as positive as an attitude about real estate.

00:45:54.152 --> 00:45:58.572
But so often we'll have a deal fall through and we'll be so frustrated Like we work so hard.

00:45:58.572 --> 00:46:02.641
We thought we picked the right buyer and then later it might fall through.

00:46:02.641 --> 00:46:06.197
And then the next deal we make more money, like the seller actually makes more money.

00:46:06.197 --> 00:46:12.851
The deal goes smoother and it really was a blessing, even though it kind of sucked, to have to communicate that your deal fell through Right.

00:46:13.032 --> 00:46:21.320
Later the sellers and us go this worked out better, yeah, but we just got to let it go, or like it works out for maybe not your side, but for the other cause.

00:46:21.320 --> 00:46:25.155
We did have one where the these people didn't get the house and they really wanted it.

00:46:25.155 --> 00:46:35.733
And then we had the exact same house come on the market a few months later and the people that didn't get picked on the first one like we weren't even representing them they ended up getting this house and they they wanted it more.

00:46:35.733 --> 00:46:45.858
I know we're talking about houses, but like in life, like that was probably so disappointing to them when they didn't get the first one and then months later they got when they wanted even better.

00:46:45.858 --> 00:46:52.798
So sometimes things not working out like you said, the unanswered prayers Sometimes things not working out is the best thing.

00:46:52.798 --> 00:46:56.360
Like, thank God it didn't work out with all my first boyfriends, oh 100%.

00:46:56.641 --> 00:46:56.820
Yeah.

00:46:56.929 --> 00:47:11.864
And even like some of my friendships and stuff, like things that I worked so hard to keep together, and they didn't Like, once you let go, you're like, okay, we weren't meant to be in each other's lives at that time for a reason, right, but we talked about on the way here and I know I'm jumping a little bit.

00:47:11.864 --> 00:47:13.331
But same thing with our kids.

00:47:13.331 --> 00:47:19.112
Our kids are getting older where it's like you want to like drive the car for them, like let me help you.

00:47:19.112 --> 00:47:21.996
You don't realize you're being a bad friend, like.

00:47:22.177 --> 00:47:34.121
There's times where I'm like one of my problems in my life is that I have a lot of people in my life and sometimes I we've talked about it I don't make the right people first and I sometimes put them in the back burner.

00:47:34.121 --> 00:47:39.393
And it's funny I see Maddie do that, my daughter, my oldest daughter, right, and I'm like she's very similar to you, she's so similar to me and I'm like don't do that.

00:47:39.393 --> 00:47:53.815
Because I do that and all my friends are mad Cause I always like I'll change plans, right, you know like not for the better thing, but I'm like I feel like doing this more, yeah, I'm not going to do that, yeah, and I like can see me in her and I want to like change it for her because I'm trying to help her Right.

00:47:53.815 --> 00:48:00.554
But I need to learn like she's going to learn her own lessons, her own way, and I need to just let it like work itself out, but it's so hard.

00:48:00.695 --> 00:48:05.340
You can, like you know, help show her, but at the end of the day she's got to go through it.

00:48:05.780 --> 00:48:12.847
Yeah, and I feel like I'm on a fine line between, like for years, I kind of let her do her own thing and let it work out.

00:48:12.847 --> 00:48:16.739
But I feel like high school, there's more pressure that, like your choices, could have greater effects.

00:48:16.739 --> 00:48:18.655
So I feel like I'm a little bit too on her.

00:48:18.958 --> 00:48:28.181
Yeah, where I'm like coaching too much, yeah, like, do this, look at it this way, and I need to just kind of like I'm talking to myself out loud, just let things work themselves out.

00:48:28.181 --> 00:48:30.563
Yeah, in whatever way that is, but I'll be there for her.

00:48:30.563 --> 00:48:32.103
But maybe be more like you.

00:48:32.103 --> 00:48:34.545
If she's not asking for a dice, maybe not give it.

00:48:34.545 --> 00:48:37.492
Yeah, because sometimes I give too much advice where they're not asking.

00:48:37.492 --> 00:48:38.878
But I do like your outfit today.

00:48:38.878 --> 00:48:41.369
Oh yeah, I was surprised you didn't make fun of me.

00:48:41.369 --> 00:48:43.514
Maybe sometimes I shouldn't make fun unless you're asking.

00:48:43.514 --> 00:48:45.097
Well, well, the Christmas sweater.

00:48:45.097 --> 00:48:46.420
I knew you didn't think it was a Christmas.

00:48:46.420 --> 00:48:47.543
I thought 100%.

00:48:47.563 --> 00:48:49.327
You're gonna make fun of me today that it was a Christmas.

00:48:49.327 --> 00:48:57.356
Well, because you and Ben always make fun of the same outfits that I wear and I wore this on Thanksgiving and Ben was like you look like cranberry sauce and I was like I was.

00:48:57.516 --> 00:48:58.820
I made fun of it the first time you wore it.

00:48:58.820 --> 00:49:01.974
I remember now because you don't wear color a lot.

00:49:02.313 --> 00:49:05.719
Yeah, well, maroon's having a moment, so I'm having it, so I'm having it with it, so I'm into it.

00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:06.420
Yeah, I like it.

00:49:06.760 --> 00:49:07.961
I think you look pretty today.

00:49:07.961 --> 00:49:08.963
Really Thank you.

00:49:08.983 --> 00:49:10.166
That's nice and I'm going to let it work out.

00:49:10.570 --> 00:49:13.480
If you dress like a cranberry, you'll figure it out Exactly.

00:49:13.610 --> 00:49:16.117
Well, I'm more like a holly berry now, because it's Christmas.

00:49:16.117 --> 00:49:17.221
You know what's a holly berry?

00:49:28.489 --> 00:49:29.273
Like on the mistletoe workout this week.

00:49:29.273 --> 00:49:29.393
Don't.

00:49:29.393 --> 00:49:30.298
If he wanted to, he would and let it work out.

00:49:30.298 --> 00:49:36.572
Yeah, welcome to Jerking Around a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and Crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great and it's real.

00:49:36.572 --> 00:49:37.094
Yeah.