S3 E19: Is Your Spouse Still #1 When Life’s a Hot Mess?

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Welcome to Jerking Around, a podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you, and Crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great and it's real.

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Welcome to.

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Jerking Around Tisha's in a feisty mood Shocking.

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I'm like I think you're in the feisty mood.

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No, you just yelled at Ben.

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Well, because he is bothering me, don't make that a clip.

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She just yelled at Ben as we got started here at the podcast studio.

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Yeah.

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I did yeah.

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Because we have different things we're each in charge of in life.

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And he was trying to come into my lane and I was like, no, no, I've already got this handled.

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What are you in charge of?

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I'm in charge of planning things.

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Okay, I like to be in charge of that.

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You know, yeah.

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So we're planning something.

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Why don't you just tell the details?

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It's not like top secret.

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We on a cruise with our family, first cruise and, um, we're going to alaska alaska cruise and we're planning the fishing.

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I already reached out to the fishing people.

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This story's stupid anyways.

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So I've got it all lined up.

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They have one boat left.

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And then he calls me today.

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I called the people and I'm like, yeah, I already done, I've already done this.

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Like yeah, it.

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And then he doesn't know any of the details.

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So then his planning messes up the actual plan.

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You know, yeah.

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He's like what ship?

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What date?

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I'm like, oh my God, get out of here.

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You know, yeah.

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So I was just getting a little grouchy with him, a lot grouchy.

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Yeah, thank you.

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It is a good story.

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I didn't say it wasn't you fag.

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Well, you know, Edit, edit.

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We better make sure that comes out.

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I'm almost his face.

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No, but like I'm agreeing that it was a good story, You're the one that said it's a stupid story.

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But yeah, I was getting kind of annoyed because he was this is like on my boobs.

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He was kind of like messing it all up.

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You know Like no, no, yeah, I've got this.

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You know you sit there and look pretty, you know, yeah, oh, so anyways, yeah.

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But yeah, I yelled out in front of you and Melissa, and now here we are.

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It was great.

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She's telling Melissa this is what they do, it's fine, it's awkward.

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Yeah, well, I don't mind like, like, if you do it in private, but sometimes when you're sitting there, it's like, you're uncomfortable, like if you were at a sleepover and the people are yelling, you're like.

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That's what it's like.

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Well, and like for me, I'm more comfortable with it.

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Yeah, this is new, like new in our life, melissa, I have this thing where, like I don't realize who's around me, I just act the same in all situations, which is great.

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It is great, yeah, it's great that I'm authentic, but sometimes it's like that's a private moment.

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That's what's so weird about you caring what people say on the internet, because, like there's times where somewhere and I'm like you're not reading this room at all that they're like thinking this and so it's so weird for me because I am more worried about what people think.

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Yeah in general, yes, and worried about what people think yeah, in general I feel like that and I'm not worried when we get eaten up alive on.

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Yeah, I'm not as bothered.

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See, I don't care what anyone I actually meet.

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Yeah, that's just weird.

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But the internet people.

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Yeah, and I don't care about the internet people.

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But if our friends were like saying, like you don't like your husband, I would be bothered.

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Yeah, and.

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I know, and I know because I'm like that's dumb.

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Yeah, it's so weird.

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Yeah, I think the internet people bothers me.

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I told you I feel like I narrowed it down, like it bothers me because I feel like it's incorrect and so it's like it's really upsetting, but like most often people that judge you are incorrect, yeah, Like in all Totally.

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So, even if they know you on the View, I hate the View, you know, and I'm like, I'm not a View girl.

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Those are like what?

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But like so many people could say, like I'm a bad leader, it's like I am doing the best I can, yeah.

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Or like I'm mean to Kyle, it's like I'm doing the best, Like you know what I mean.

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Like, more often than not, it's just something you've never cared about.

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Yeah, I think that's why I'm mind blown about it?

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Well, I think because in real life, like you, don't hear people's opinions.

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They can think what they want, but they're not saying it.

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Maybe in the room I'm reading it and I'm like I don't think you're reading what they're.

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Yeah, I'm kind of obliv.

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Like me eventually.

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Yeah, if I went off of every time I thought someone didn't like me, that's my life, it'd be everybody.

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That's my life.

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I'm always worried.

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Yeah, it's so stressful.

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Yeah, I'm never worried Because I can like feel the energy, yeah, an empath or whatever.

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So I'm like, oh god.

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And then I'm like what did I do?

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Did I say this wrong?

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Oh, did I do this wrong?

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But more often than not, as I've learned, as I like, you can't control what people think.

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And if you just ignore that, they end up liking you Because that happens to me a lot.

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I don't think always for me it doesn't always go that way.

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Oh, really Always people are like yeah, I hated you and now you're really cool and I'm like, okay, they do A lot of podcasters like you more and me less.

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After listening, really, yeah, I feel.

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Then they hear me say rude things and they're like, wow, and you're mean to Tisha and like my Aunt Carol's like don't be mean to Tisha, and I'm like, really, yes, yes, it's like a thing.

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I'm not such a.

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This is what we're here for today.

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I'm sorry if I mean to you no, you're fine, I don't care.

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I'm sorry if I mean to no, you're fine, I don't care I'm going to be better, but our lives have taken like such a like turn of like Lesbian.

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Yeah, it's really gotten there.

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It's like it's getting.

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I'm getting uncomfortable and I'm never uncomfortable.

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Her mom called last night when we were driving to drop the girls off at cheer and then we had a dinner.

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And her mom calls point.

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And she's all Crystal, what's the password?

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I can't log in.

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And Crystal's like try Holthorff 22.

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She's like it's not it, you're telling everyone my password.

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Oh shit, it's fine.

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Oh, we gotta bleep that out.

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No, it's fine, oh.

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And then she's like try Tisha 22.

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And then she goes what?

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like, not Kyle, it was like a turn where I'm like, not one like the kids.

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Yeah, it got weird, my mom was like what?

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yeah, I was like capital t show, yeah, and she was like wait for real, and I was like I feel different, that's I feel, uncomfortable that's well, and like lately, we have been together like all day long.

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Yeah, and it's getting weird, yeah.

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Yeah, when you reach over in the car and grab my hand, I'm like okay no, I didn't do that.

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I was like when did I do that?

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No, I don't know it's.

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We work together though, and we've been busy, so, like work, I feel like we've been together every day.

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Yeah, we're really lucky, though, in the sense that I don't think everybody gets to work with someone they like so much no, like we might talk bad about our jobs sometimes on here because I've been quitting so many times, but we are so lucky we get to do that Like we literally a lot of times drive around all day and do errands and talk to people.

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We're on the same text message with everybody.

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We're in the same emails with everybody.

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It's very like with my best friend.

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I don't know it's crazy.

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Yeah, best friend, I don't know it's crazy.

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Yeah, and we married.

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You know we married best.

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It's just, it's weird, it's different, but it just goes to show.

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Like we talked about this years ago, we were shopping and we're like one day we're gonna marry best friends and like what you put out there it matters, like what you believe and what you tell yourself and like you always wanted a bunch of kids.

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You thought you'd be a boy mom.

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Yeah, like it's crazy.

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Yeah it is, yeah it is.

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Or does God give you those premonitions, you know?

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Yeah, like, do you feel like that, cause that's what his plan is going to be?

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Yeah, I don't know, but like it's so important to lean in with the podcast.

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Tisha's trying to quit again.

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Every time we go viral it's been so bad, but I'm like that's just part of this journey.

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I feel like if they're not talking about you then you're not doing anything right.

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But anyways, with the podcast they hate me for something I actually am.

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Nobody cares about you.

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I hate to tell you yeah, they those people that said that they don't really care about you.

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I know they've moved on their day and they're not caring about you and I'm still over here.

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yeah, remember, remember when I'm like Shirley hates me and you're like we're moved on, shirley doesn't care about you, like you think it's more about you than it is.

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Yeah, it's surely doesn't care.

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But with the podcast, I still feel like we're supposed to do this.

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Like the vision is there, yeah, that we're going to be on the stage one day doing like shows.

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So I feel like we have to lean into it.

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So stop quitting.

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Yeah, on that note, if you are liking the podcast, go ahead and like, comment, share or give a review on Apple Podcasts.

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It does help us a lot it helps teach an author.

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We don't get 20 reviews this week.

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I'm quitting.

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I'm just kidding.

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No, she tried to quit today.

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I'm like get in the car, it's good, but I think what people think.

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But story time, and this is about a friend of ours.

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But I remember a friend of ours really struggled to get pregnant and had like eight miscarriages yeah, a lot, maybe nine a lot and she went through.

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I don't think she would mind us sharing, right?

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No, um, she went through a lot of like in vitro and IVF and it's very, very expensive, like 20 grand.

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And I remember sitting at dinner once we used to go to girls dinners more often back then and she was super emotional and she's like I guess when you're going through that journey which I'm sure a lot of our listeners have been through it or are going through it it gets hard because people are trying to help and they try to like offer their opinion, like why don't you adopt and why don't you do this?

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Or there's so many kids that need homes and we agree with that.

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But I remember her saying I just really want to be my mom, like I want to have my own kids and I don't know if God's telling me I should do something else.

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I don't, I feel guilty because I don't feel that way, but I remember telling her God, put that on your heart for a reason You're going to be a mom.

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That's why that other option doesn't feel natural right now, cause God doesn't want you to give up, even though the world's telling you that this might not happen, it might never take.

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God laid that on your heart for a reason.

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Yeah, so don't give up, like, don't, don't do the other option if that's not what your heart tells you.

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And then she got pregnant, yeah, a few years later, and now has two healthy boys and is the best mom.

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And it was like but so often I think we start to tell ourselves that maybe our vision of what we we think we want or where we're going is wrong.

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Yeah, but just because the door closes doesn't mean it's not going to open.

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I feel like well, I think when something's not working out that you want, you're like, oh, is this like, maybe not God's plan?

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You know you start thinking that Totally, because I do that.

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I'm like, well, it's not working out, maybe it's not the plan.

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Yeah, and I feel like everything for me has never worked out.

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I just had to keep going.

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So I'm always like, oh, it's not working out, that's normal, this is the path.

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Yeah, like when I didn't think I've told that story.

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Yeah, I think you did.

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Did I yeah, maybe it was on the old one, yeah.

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But it was like so I was like not being gay, but I was like popular in high school and then I got to stop saying these words yeah, yeah, but not being silly, yeah, you know.

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But I was like popular.

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And so when I got to college and I was rushing, you know, to be in a sorority, I thought everyone would be lucky to have me.

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So I was like, when they tried to talk to me, I was like, yeah, yeah.

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And then, like day three, you go in and you go and you meet and the people that run Rush give you a card of what sororities you're matching with.

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It's like dating app.

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You say what you like and then, if they like you too, you match.

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So, you know, a lot of my friends had like three or four sororities that they were matching with and they and I came in all with my friends because you know, your parents aren't around and we all went there together and they're like um, can we, can you come with me?

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You know, like at the hospital, when they bring in the room, yeah, it was like that and I'm like, oh, they have too many.

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You know, they all want me.

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They've never had this before.

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So I go in the room and they're like I'm really sorry, we've never had this happen before, but no sorority wants you.

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And it was like out of body.

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I can't even believe they allow that.

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That's funny, never happened before.

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I mean, and some sororities are different, you know, like even those ones didn't want you.

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Yeah, like very different.

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Like, yeah, very, very different.

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Yeah, you know, and they didn't want me.

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Yeah, it was like such an ego hit.

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I was was like okay, they're like, so we don't really know what to do.

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I guess this isn't for you.

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Yeah, shoot, you know.

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And I was like.

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So then everyone's like what sororities did you get?

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And you're all who'd you match with?

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And I was like you know what guys, this isn't for me, I'm not going to do this sor.

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I was so felt, so stupid and all my friends matched with all the good ones and they all got in and I was like, yeah, I'm not doing it, it's not for me.

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And then later I learned that I need to be nicer during rush and I need to be more like excited, because I'm not fake.

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Not saying sororities are fake, but when you're rushing it's like dating.

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You got to turn it on a little and I just thought all of them would want me, which I feel like you turn it on a lot.

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Well, maybe I learned through that.

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Yeah, maybe you did.

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Maybe that was it I do, though, learn from that, yeah.

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So then I like made some connections in the downtime, and then it wasn't like.

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I was like God doesn't want me to rush.

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I was like, oh, I'm getting them this time, yeah.

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So I had the one I really wanted, and it was the only one I wanted, and you got it, and I was like.

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I like your shirt, you know, and I did it and then I got in and then two years later I became president of the darn sorority.

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So I always tell people like never the no is just like a it's a, it's a pause, it's not the real, no, even like the real estate test.

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I failed the test 10 times, yeah, and I was like god, why am I, if I'm supposed to do this?

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Why is it so hard?

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Yeah, but like what?

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If I was like because he, why am I, if I'm supposed to do this?

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Why is it so hard?

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Yeah, but like what if I was like because he's saying no, yeah, you know, and then I'd be a server, still, right, that would suck.

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Well, actually, serving's pretty fun, yeah.

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So anyways, tisha, don't give up Not giving up.

00:13:37.322 --> 00:13:41.668
You didn't give up on the one thing away, kept pushing no.

00:13:41.668 --> 00:13:58.880
So moving on talking about not giving up, we let's go and do some relationship talk yeah, we were talking this weekend about we always talk about our marriage, and that's what tisha's so bothered about is she thinks people are saying that she has a bad marriage or is anti-man anti-man.

00:13:58.921 --> 00:14:01.783
That's what I was like yeah, I'm not, I love man.

00:14:01.783 --> 00:14:03.504
Man, why do you love men?

00:14:03.504 --> 00:14:06.087
I love a big.

00:14:06.087 --> 00:14:08.033
No, I'm just kidding, that's horrible.

00:14:08.033 --> 00:14:11.025
No, but like, I'm pro husband and I'm pro like.

00:14:11.025 --> 00:14:15.657
Well, I'm not a feminist, I'm not a woman power at all, I'm the opposite.

00:14:15.657 --> 00:14:18.912
Like I didn't want to have a job ever, I would just want to be a mom and a wife.

00:14:18.912 --> 00:14:20.616
You know, I'm so, not that.

00:14:20.616 --> 00:14:26.552
So when people are like this lady's may, anti-husband and man, I'm like, oh no, that's not me, you know.

00:14:26.552 --> 00:14:29.255
Yeah, so, but it's fine, I got to get over it.

00:14:29.395 --> 00:14:51.697
I think, though, sometimes, even with that stuff, like in your marriage, I think one of the secrets about us is that we talk about the good, the bad and the ugly, yes, and I think, like some friends don't have relationships where the best part about Tisha and actually a lot of my good friends always will side with Kyle for the most part, the small group of very close friends, yeah, but I know Tisha's always going to side with Kyle or understand Kyle.

00:14:51.697 --> 00:14:57.208
So if I tell her all these things and sometimes I'll try to talk it up because I'm real mad at him, yeah, and I'll be like you don't understand.

00:14:57.208 --> 00:14:58.452
This is hard at home.

00:14:58.452 --> 00:15:07.980
You know Like he yells at me and he's yelling at me not lose your house over your spending.

00:15:07.980 --> 00:15:10.445
Or you know like she'll always give me his perspective.

00:15:10.625 --> 00:15:16.575
Because I know that he loves you and he's a good husband, so like, why would I encourage you to not be together?

00:15:16.575 --> 00:15:17.769
I would never, you know.

00:15:18.144 --> 00:15:39.157
But you'll also be like there's been many times where I did need to speak up, like to me, I thought that being submissive or you know, just meant like handling everything, and submissive or you know, just meant like handling everything and that was like a problem in life, like I would let everyone do whatever they wanted to me and I would just turn the other cheek because I thought that's what Jesus did, and instead I needed to learn to also speak up.

00:15:39.157 --> 00:15:45.264
You know, and like be sassy about certain things, but there's a way to do it, you know, and not just so.

00:15:45.264 --> 00:15:51.759
I think sometimes that's a benefit to us is we can talk about, like Melissa, and I just heard you on the phone and it wasn't perfect.

00:15:51.759 --> 00:16:00.514
So then, if my day isn't perfect, I'm like, okay, well, this is normal because I think you have a great marriage and you just so, if you're finally your husband about booking a fishing boat?

00:16:00.533 --> 00:16:12.571
Yeah, Like it's totally normal, but I think so many women don't have an outlet or we're in denial about things that do need to change to a point where, once you wake up, that's what I felt, like I was, and like we talked about that a little bit too.

00:16:12.571 --> 00:16:17.436
It's like I think that I did start off too submissive, especially because I stayed home.

00:16:17.436 --> 00:16:21.654
Yeah, that's like a thing for me is like, even if my daughters stay home, I want them to have a say.

00:16:21.654 --> 00:16:34.361
Yeah, it's like, it's like these kids, when you first have them, they're like a cat.

00:16:34.884 --> 00:16:38.232
They're not nice, they don't like say thank you, they cry all the time.

00:16:38.232 --> 00:16:47.557
They don't act like they even know you or love you, so you're with them all day and then you're like yeah, my husband gets home and he's tired, and it's about him, it's about them, it's never about me.

00:16:47.557 --> 00:17:04.407
And I feel like it's just super hard to learn, like I was super submissive for years, and not that Kyle was wrong, but if someone's going to, if they're going to get the say and you're just going to go, okay with it, it's not really their fault either that I'm not speaking up, that you're not speaking up yeah, you know what I mean and I think it took a long time.

00:17:04.748 --> 00:17:06.648
I'm still like learning that.

00:17:06.648 --> 00:17:12.631
I feel like you're good at that with Ben, like you've learned what makes him tick, like how to get there instead of just yelling.

00:17:13.352 --> 00:17:19.094
Yeah, sometimes I got to yell, but I do feel like I think that's just in marriages you get longer down the road.

00:17:19.094 --> 00:17:24.696
You like I know the things that like bother him and the things that he likes.

00:17:24.696 --> 00:17:29.739
So when I want to get my way about something, I just know, like just be smart about it, you know.

00:17:29.739 --> 00:17:31.640
Yeah, I don't think it's that easy though.

00:17:31.779 --> 00:17:39.983
Remember how you said how smart you were, and I think that you're right Because, like for me, like last night we had dinner with some clients, tisha and I it's shocking.

00:17:39.983 --> 00:17:47.355
And then, when I got home, kyle had a really long day because it's getting hot out and he works outside, so he was like trying to stay awake for me.

00:17:47.355 --> 00:17:48.538
I felt so guilty about this this morning.

00:17:48.538 --> 00:17:51.712
He was trying to stay awake for me and then I hadn't really been home much that day, yeah.

00:17:51.712 --> 00:17:57.074
So when I got home, I was like, oh, okay, he was like sleeping on the couch and I was like, okay, well, you go to bed, yeah.

00:17:57.074 --> 00:18:07.855
Like I'm good, I'm going to like watch a show, yeah, and like get some sleep.

00:18:07.915 --> 00:18:11.378
I was trying to stay up for you, like I wanted to see you oh, that's cute, I know.

00:18:11.378 --> 00:18:13.481
And I was like, well, just go to bed, yeah.

00:18:13.481 --> 00:18:27.654
And then when I woke up, I was like I should have known that that would have been more important for me to maybe go to bed with him that night, yeah, when, yeah, I was trying.

00:18:27.654 --> 00:18:30.018
There's things that Kyle really likes he likes to be like a baby.

00:18:30.018 --> 00:18:31.359
Mm-hmm, it's getting weird.

00:18:31.619 --> 00:18:35.926
But like he likes, Like with a pacifier, no, but he likes like to be taken care of the breastfeeding he likes.

00:18:35.987 --> 00:18:47.276
Like if I make him lunch, he really likes it when I set his dinner out and I like breastfeeding, all of that.

00:18:47.276 --> 00:18:50.019
But like he really likes to be taken care of.

00:18:50.019 --> 00:18:51.441
Yeah, and I love that.

00:18:51.441 --> 00:19:00.090
But sometimes when I'm feeling untaken care of in life, like if I'm not taking care of myself, right, or if I'm spread too thin, hard to do that it's so hard to take care of them.

00:19:00.090 --> 00:19:03.407
Yeah, and it's like you're like, the kids need me, everybody else needs me.

00:19:03.407 --> 00:19:11.275
It's like you almost feel like an equal at that time, but it's like the wrong time, right, because, like, as an equal, I'm like, you're good, I'm good.

00:19:11.275 --> 00:19:15.880
Let's just take care of everything else instead of like that's when we need to like, pour into each other.

00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:16.820
You know what I mean.

00:19:17.340 --> 00:19:18.162
Like it's hard, yeah.

00:19:18.162 --> 00:19:25.253
So, like last night when I was at dinner, I texted him like I'm excited to see you, king of Tulsa and Tulsa.

00:19:25.253 --> 00:19:26.715
And I said Kingies of Tulsi's.

00:19:26.715 --> 00:19:29.219
You know, you got to add the IES.

00:19:29.219 --> 00:19:38.568
And then he was like yes, kingies of Tulsi's.

00:19:38.568 --> 00:19:46.845
So it was like, even though I was gone all night and he had to do all the kids, it's like if he feels like I'm thinking of him, like while I'm gone, he's in a better mood than like if I, he just didn't hear from me.

00:19:46.845 --> 00:19:47.428
So, did you watch Tulsa King?

00:19:47.428 --> 00:19:47.669
Yeah, we did.

00:19:47.669 --> 00:19:48.653
And then, like if I, he just didn't hear from me.

00:19:48.653 --> 00:19:49.217
So did you watch Tulsa King?

00:19:49.217 --> 00:19:49.458
Yeah, we did.

00:19:49.458 --> 00:19:50.744
And then, if I just show up at like, did you do the thing?

00:19:50.744 --> 00:19:52.291
No, I fell asleep during it.

00:19:52.365 --> 00:19:56.190
And then this morning he's like you fell asleep and I was like, yeah, I fell asleep on Sunday and it was the night.

00:19:56.612 --> 00:20:08.577
Oh, because Saturday he wanted to and I was busy when you put it to the, because nothing is worse than the next day and then it doesn't, because now it's two days.

00:20:08.597 --> 00:20:10.059
So yes, that happened.

00:20:10.059 --> 00:20:13.031
That was Sunday night, and then I fell asleep watching a movie.

00:20:13.031 --> 00:20:16.970
Oh, you got to do something extra special, you know when they come to bed and you can tell they're grouchy.

00:20:16.970 --> 00:20:19.155
Yeah, it's not like good night, it's all ugh.

00:20:19.155 --> 00:20:22.273
Yeah, like the blankets ripping and we left for work.

00:20:32.144 --> 00:20:32.986
He's like bye.

00:20:32.986 --> 00:20:35.747
And I was like geez, he's really starting his Monday off wrong, yeah.

00:20:35.747 --> 00:20:37.106
But now that I'm thinking, about it and then last night.

00:20:37.126 --> 00:20:37.827
That's probably why I didn't.

00:20:37.827 --> 00:20:39.528
Oh, so it still hasn't happened since.

00:20:39.528 --> 00:20:40.749
No, oh God, the poor guy, it's day three now.

00:20:40.749 --> 00:20:57.234
Okay, I'll do it today, today's the day, yeah, when he gets home, yeah, no, but I feel Like he is way better about like being at home, Because I think sometimes that's the thing, like sometimes, when he's on like a work trip, he barely goes, but he'll call me or a hunting trip and he's like, hey, and I'm all, hey, you know, I'm mad.

00:20:57.234 --> 00:21:11.280
I'm like, oh, just sitting here Because you're like doing all this shit, yeah, and then they're off or golfing, because he was golfing all day yes, and then he went to the casino and we didn't go yes, we went home.

00:21:11.361 --> 00:21:17.603
Oh, she texted him that night, Well, so it was like almost midnight yeah they were out late and I was like Ben's getting in trouble if he's out past midnight.

00:21:17.742 --> 00:21:18.844
Oh, I was dead asleep.

00:21:18.903 --> 00:21:33.421
I didn't care, oh, I was worried at night and it was, like you know, getting everybody to bed and like this Kyle never leaves you know you don't get that.

00:21:33.421 --> 00:21:36.251
That was like 11 30 and I can't really sleep till he gets home.

00:21:36.251 --> 00:21:38.666
So then I said, super nanny's getting tired, you almost done, yeah.

00:21:38.666 --> 00:21:42.625
And when he saw super nanny he was like we gotta go, yeah, but like I don't say much.

00:21:42.705 --> 00:21:43.666
But super nanny was done.

00:21:43.666 --> 00:21:46.131
No, when Ben, because Ben I feel like leaves more than Kyle.

00:21:46.131 --> 00:21:58.404
Yeah, kyle never does, because he has like a one work conference a year and then he does like maybe one to three hunting trips a year and they're just a couple days, but like I get so nasty, he'll call me and he'll be like hey, honey, how's it going?

00:21:58.565 --> 00:22:01.474
I'm like huh must be nice, you know.

00:22:01.474 --> 00:22:08.876
And he's like, yeah, just out here hiking, you know, like I'm just crazy, it is hard, but because you're the one in the shit.

00:22:08.876 --> 00:22:16.510
So I knew last night I'm at dinner having my good dinner and he had to make dinner for everybody and he's doing all the bedtime, so I had to give him some.

00:22:16.510 --> 00:22:18.214
Like I'm so excited to see you, you know.

00:22:18.214 --> 00:22:23.239
So that's those are the things I've learned in our marriage that make him like.

00:22:23.239 --> 00:22:25.265
I've learned he hates to come home.

00:22:25.265 --> 00:22:25.967
He's like you.

00:22:25.967 --> 00:22:27.710
If Kyle would learn this, I should tell Kyle this.

00:22:27.710 --> 00:22:29.051
I know he hates to come home.

00:22:29.051 --> 00:22:29.333
He's like you.

00:22:29.333 --> 00:22:31.537
If Kyle would learn this, I should tell Kyle this I know he hates to come home to a dirty house.

00:22:31.537 --> 00:22:32.798
Yeah, he's so OCD and clean crazy.

00:22:32.798 --> 00:22:37.659
So when I know and I'm so glad I have life 360 now back in the day I'd be like hey, when are you gonna be home now?

00:22:37.659 --> 00:22:38.884
I like see the life 360.

00:22:38.884 --> 00:22:41.715
I'm like 10 minutes, I think a lot of men.

00:22:41.756 --> 00:22:47.050
Yeah, do like that right, like coming home to a clean house or it's personalities because you like it, I really like.

00:22:47.332 --> 00:22:48.595
So I think he.

00:22:48.595 --> 00:23:01.038
I always make sure when he comes in, if I can, the house is clean, because that like really he comes in very grouchy when it's messy, but if it's clean he's like raging After the cheer trips lately, like this last one.

00:23:01.566 --> 00:23:04.054
he like organized the laundry room and I was on a high for three days.

00:23:04.094 --> 00:23:07.632
Yeah, see, that cleans for me when I come home and I don't care.

00:23:07.632 --> 00:23:08.955
I'm like, yeah, could care less.

00:23:08.955 --> 00:23:10.865
Yeah, see, ben cleans for me when I come home and I don't care.

00:23:10.865 --> 00:23:11.484
I'm like, yeah, could care less.

00:23:11.484 --> 00:23:11.744
Yeah, I think that matters to me.

00:23:11.785 --> 00:23:16.296
Yeah, so I think it's like I know you've gotten better at like the dating I listen to Dr Laura.

00:23:16.296 --> 00:23:19.951
I've been listening to her book 10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up their Lives.

00:23:19.951 --> 00:23:22.587
Yeah, it's interesting, a lot of it's like.

00:23:22.587 --> 00:23:31.549
It's not as interesting as like her podcast to me because it's more like pre-dating yeah, like before you're married, like what you do and where you go wrong and like we're past that.

00:23:31.630 --> 00:23:48.673
you know like we're already here but it is something she really stresses about is the dating and being a girlfriend and I'm not like I feel like you're more mushy than I am, like even with my kids, like Kyle will try to hug Maddie and she's like, hey, like we're not like a very yeah, my brother were very emotional.

00:23:48.713 --> 00:23:50.557
Yeah, I try to hug my daughter and she's like mom.

00:23:50.557 --> 00:23:53.298
No, yeah, I'm not like a very like oh, I'm hugging everybody.

00:23:53.298 --> 00:23:56.251
Yeah, and you're like, oh, in my family, not like strangers.

00:23:56.251 --> 00:23:57.969
Yeah, you're rude to strangers.

00:23:57.989 --> 00:23:59.413
Yeah, I'm hugging the strangers, yeah.

00:24:10.704 --> 00:24:11.346
But I'm not hugging my family.

00:24:11.366 --> 00:24:13.071
A little rub and that's what you're like.

00:24:13.071 --> 00:24:13.432
That's rude.

00:24:13.432 --> 00:24:13.773
A rub, what rub?

00:24:13.794 --> 00:24:24.935
a rub over the clothes, a little like rub just like walking around, you're rubbing it like if, yeah, we have, like, if he's standing there doing something, I'll come up and be like hey, honey, and I'll give him a little rub, yeah, and then you don't do it later you have to do it later if you rub it sometimes we don't.

00:24:24.996 --> 00:24:28.290
It doesn't mean I want to, like you know, but it makes him feel like you want.

00:24:28.290 --> 00:24:30.513
It makes him feel like I want him and I do want him.

00:24:30.513 --> 00:24:32.416
The wanting is a big deal, yeah.

00:24:32.458 --> 00:24:35.669
I want him to always think I want him, so I always do that.

00:24:35.669 --> 00:24:36.490
Oh, I don't do that.

00:24:36.490 --> 00:24:48.576
Yeah, so sometimes if I'm sitting there and it's funny because he'll be making my coffee and he's grouchy, and then, um, I'll be like honey and I always wear like a t-shirt to bed, yeah, and then in the morning I have like t-shirt and shorts.

00:24:48.576 --> 00:24:52.340
What are you gonna tell me right now and I know we can't make this a clip why do I always talk?

00:24:52.340 --> 00:24:53.146
I'm gonna overshare.

00:24:53.186 --> 00:25:00.451
I gotta like that's the best part about you no, so I always pull my shirt out, like for him to put his hand down when he drops off the coffee.

00:25:00.451 --> 00:25:04.611
Yeah, and like in the morning I'm like, hi, honey, you know, like, give me a little.

00:25:04.611 --> 00:25:18.792
Like you know, it's just like keeping it fun and flirty, like I want him to always feel, like, I want him to touch me and I want to touch him and like it's just, and I, he likes it a lot, cause he feels like, yeah, like dating, yeah, and I'm, I like it too.

00:25:18.792 --> 00:25:19.454
I'm not like.

00:25:19.454 --> 00:25:30.353
So you like, when he grabs your boob in the morning, totally, really, yeah, and he'll give it a little rub, and then it's like, okay, and then he goes back to doing whatever, but then it's like he's happy, it just makes a better like morale.

00:25:30.553 --> 00:25:32.934
Yeah, yeah, I think I can really improve on that.

00:25:32.934 --> 00:25:33.335
You should.

00:25:33.335 --> 00:25:41.602
Let's do like a wee experiment and do that and you just like, yeah, it's like, or even like, if we're driving in the car, I'll reach over and rub his neck a little.

00:25:41.602 --> 00:25:42.201
I do all that.

00:25:50.724 --> 00:25:51.067
Yeah, sexual stuff.

00:25:51.067 --> 00:25:52.131
I'm so scared that he's gonna want to do it right.

00:25:52.131 --> 00:25:53.857
Then, yes, no, and that's the worst thing, they're gonna get mad at us again.

00:25:53.857 --> 00:25:59.255
But like I get like almost where, I'm like not affectionate, because then it means that that's what I was trying to say on that one clip.

00:25:59.255 --> 00:26:00.665
I know, but yes, who cares?

00:26:00.665 --> 00:26:03.994
That's what you said in the podcast, but like that's what I'm worried about.

00:26:03.994 --> 00:26:07.451
I started it saying I don't always want to cuddle well, this is the key.

00:26:07.971 --> 00:26:15.505
You do the rub and tug when there's no way you can do it right then, ah, it's like he's all headed out to work and I'm thinking it's rude.

00:26:15.505 --> 00:26:18.733
No, but you're doing it because you know he can't, he's headed out to work.

00:26:18.733 --> 00:26:23.130
So it's like I love you, I want you so bad, but we can't, you know.

00:26:23.130 --> 00:26:27.576
And like I'm not doing it in bed, no, god, no, that's when it's happening.

00:26:27.635 --> 00:26:30.760
Yeah oh, if I reached over in bed and gave the rub and it's on.

00:26:30.760 --> 00:26:32.022
That's what I'm talking about.

00:26:32.022 --> 00:26:40.185
I'm like it's like he's fully dressed shoes, he's got his, his collared shirt and his slacks and the belt and I'm giving the rub.

00:26:40.205 --> 00:26:49.614
Good, have a good day yeah, I know, and I think sometimes that's where people go wrong, or the house cleaner's there, but she's in the other room and I'm like, oh honey, love, you have a good day, but we can't do it.

00:26:49.614 --> 00:26:52.640
Yeah, josie's there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:52.640 --> 00:26:54.569
Or hiking on the mountain.

00:26:54.569 --> 00:26:55.794
What do you do on the mountain?

00:26:55.794 --> 00:26:58.161
I give him a little rubbing While he's sweaty.

00:26:58.161 --> 00:27:00.471
No, on top of the clothes, I don't go underneath the clothes.

00:27:15.224 --> 00:27:15.586
It's on top next to each other.

00:27:15.586 --> 00:27:17.375
Yeah, like I'll hit his butt and then I'll be like, hey, honey, give him a little squeeze.

00:27:17.375 --> 00:27:18.210
Yes, I do it all day long, every day.

00:27:18.210 --> 00:27:18.654
I'm sure he likes that.

00:27:18.654 --> 00:27:18.880
You don't think he does.

00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:19.070
No, I do.

00:27:19.070 --> 00:27:19.727
Yeah, I'm thinking I don't do I do that.

00:27:19.727 --> 00:27:20.209
Enough of that all the time.

00:27:20.209 --> 00:27:21.069
I feel like he used to not be as like that too.

00:27:21.069 --> 00:27:30.686
Maybe that's a pivot that has happened, maybe, yeah, yeah, because the girlfriend thing is a hard thing, like I I, because I've been listening, dr Laura I'm like how do you be a girlfriend?

00:27:30.686 --> 00:27:32.692
And I think so many marriages have lost that.

00:27:32.692 --> 00:27:38.215
Yeah, where they feel like it's a, it's the old lady and, yeah, you know like it's harder when your kids are littler.

00:27:38.236 --> 00:27:39.186
I think you're in a different.

00:27:39.186 --> 00:27:39.748
My kids are old.

00:27:39.748 --> 00:27:43.487
Yeah, I think when they're older, that's when you can bring it back, because I feel like that's when I brought it back.

00:27:43.487 --> 00:27:55.886
Yeah, I don't think I was doing this when I had like a breastfeeding baby, a newborn two-year-old and a four-year-old you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think if I'm honest, sometimes I'm feeling like I'm already giving you everything else.

00:27:56.428 --> 00:27:58.192
You need that too, and that's the wrong attitude.

00:27:58.192 --> 00:28:01.529
If this is a clip, we'll get lit, not, yeah, but I think it's a relatable topic.

00:28:01.529 --> 00:28:14.406
Like I do do a lot at home, that's more my role, so that I'm like and that, yeah, and like you, just you know taking it all but it's fine.

00:28:14.406 --> 00:28:15.009
He does a lot of other things.

00:28:15.009 --> 00:28:15.452
He does all the bills.

00:28:15.452 --> 00:28:16.036
He would plan all the things.

00:28:16.036 --> 00:28:18.748
Well, I plan, but he does a lot of other things that I don't want to do, like he's slowly my daddy.

00:28:18.788 --> 00:28:21.896
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think bringing the dating in his heart.

00:28:21.896 --> 00:28:24.008
That's why I like we talked about this today.

00:28:24.347 --> 00:28:26.351
End of kids getting older.

00:28:26.351 --> 00:28:29.555
It's important to bring that back, because then it's going to just be you guys, yeah.

00:28:29.555 --> 00:28:35.729
So like we're kind of working back towards that phase of life where the kids grow up and it's just us.

00:28:35.809 --> 00:28:47.502
So it's like well, I think when the kids are little too, you develop some resentments and some things that you don't work through necessarily, like I think, sometimes, as the kids come into our life which is a blessing you like change roles.

00:28:47.502 --> 00:28:54.365
Like sometimes some moms I know or some like friends I have, they get so dialed into the mom role that they forget to be the wife too.

00:28:54.365 --> 00:28:55.511
The wife should come first.

00:28:55.511 --> 00:29:00.951
It's like the most unnatural thing, though as a mom, it feels like our kids should take precedent.

00:29:00.951 --> 00:29:02.694
I remind myself this all the time.

00:29:03.115 --> 00:29:11.286
There was some clip on like social media that said the best thing you could do for your kids is to love your spouse or whatever.

00:29:11.286 --> 00:29:14.886
But like, sometimes when I'm gone all day, I don't see them a lot either, cause they're at sports.

00:29:14.886 --> 00:29:21.395
So then when I get home and they're both home at eight o'clock, it's like Broxy wants me to lay with him and rub his back, kyle wants me to lay with him and rub his back.

00:29:21.395 --> 00:29:24.308
The girls want to finally talk to me for the first time all day.

00:29:24.308 --> 00:29:27.053
So then it's like I'm trying to pick which one I give attention to.

00:29:27.053 --> 00:29:33.832
But I'm trying to remind myself my kids will be happiest if I take care of Kyle Totally, but it's very unnatural, right, right.

00:29:33.872 --> 00:29:34.614
Like it's hard.

00:29:34.614 --> 00:29:38.592
Well, when you think back of like your parents, like my parents, were obsessed with each other.

00:29:38.592 --> 00:29:40.993
That was the healthiest thing for you.

00:29:40.993 --> 00:29:46.854
Yeah, is not how much attention they gave you.

00:29:46.854 --> 00:29:47.335
Other, though?

00:29:47.335 --> 00:29:51.527
Right, it was a very secure house, and so that's the best thing you can get.

00:29:51.606 --> 00:29:53.730
I never questioned if I came between them.

00:29:54.172 --> 00:29:57.626
No, it was them yes, even we do that, like at night.

00:29:57.626 --> 00:30:02.205
They want to come in and finally talk and I'm like, okay, I'm, I'm with dad now, so see ya.

00:30:02.686 --> 00:30:04.551
And they're like geez you know they get mad.

00:30:04.551 --> 00:30:08.348
That's what mine do too, but I'm like no, we're, this is more.

00:30:08.509 --> 00:30:10.736
And like I listen to you all day or I will.

00:30:10.736 --> 00:30:13.920
Or like, okay, you have a minute and then Donna and I are in our show, you know?

00:30:13.920 --> 00:30:14.724
Yeah, totally.

00:30:14.724 --> 00:30:16.211
So I don't know if I'm doing it right.

00:30:16.685 --> 00:30:34.184
No, I do think that has helped Because even like last year when I would take home from cheer, I had the late one, so there was like two nights we're both home and I think even that hour together, like laying and watching a show or talking in bed, it does make a big difference.

00:30:34.184 --> 00:30:40.250
But he goes to bed earlier than I do, so sometimes I'm not ready to fall asleep and he wants me to turn the tv off and it's like this whole thing, yeah.

00:30:40.250 --> 00:30:46.711
So now I'm like be okay with the tv and then I can lay with you, yeah you guys gotta get like yeah, yeah and we're pretty good.

00:30:46.731 --> 00:30:48.275
But that's why last night I was like go ahead.

00:30:48.275 --> 00:31:06.849
But I think, like we talked about this in the car and we have friends as we get older, I, we have friends that are going through different stages of things in marriage, um, and I think sometimes where I'm seeing is like some friends might be unhappy, and that's maybe how I felt in the beginning, like I didn't want to speak up because I didn't think I had a voice.

00:31:06.849 --> 00:31:09.154
And I luckily saw you.

00:31:09.154 --> 00:31:11.388
You guys had gone and worked through some things.

00:31:11.388 --> 00:31:19.045
It's okay to say we've talked about a counselor and when we weren't friends and we came back, I saw such a change that I was like wait, this is a totally different dynamic.

00:31:19.045 --> 00:31:19.906
How did you get there?

00:31:19.906 --> 00:31:22.554
Because I felt like you were more submissive when we weren't.

00:31:22.955 --> 00:31:23.317
Before.

00:31:23.317 --> 00:31:24.125
We weren't friends.

00:31:24.125 --> 00:31:29.596
And then I remember when we went to get our hair done together and they were home with the kids and I was so stressed about getting home.

00:31:29.596 --> 00:31:33.844
I'm like Kyle's going to be mad, da, da, da, and you're like he's fine, and Ben was mad, yeah.

00:31:33.844 --> 00:31:40.603
And then you went and put the nightie on and took him in the room and then he was like hey, so what's for dinner?

00:31:40.643 --> 00:31:42.451
Yeah, he seemed a little tension.

00:31:42.490 --> 00:31:54.037
Yeah yeah, it's like I don't want it, but I learned to start speaking up and that was the best thing for me.

00:31:54.037 --> 00:31:54.519
But I think it's scary.

00:31:54.519 --> 00:32:05.471
Sometimes if we sit on those resentments too long, it creates that divide and then it's like where you don't even like or know each other anymore because you've both been just like pouring into the kids instead of each other.

00:32:05.571 --> 00:32:06.574
It's like the frog effect.

00:32:06.574 --> 00:32:13.693
It's a very slow yeah thing that creeps in and then, if it's not fixed, it just grows bigger and bigger over time.

00:32:14.134 --> 00:32:16.867
So yeah, that's where I think the trips once a year.

00:32:16.867 --> 00:32:22.970
I think that's like one of my what Kyle and I did, because it was our 15 year when we did Alaska 15.

00:32:22.970 --> 00:32:27.303
So it took like a few days, honestly, to like unwind from the kids.

00:32:27.303 --> 00:32:45.415
Yeah, usually we only go for three days, but this time we went for a week and the first three days were great, but the last like five days were amazing because like the stress of everything finally went away and then it was like the flirtatious and for me it wasn't like him, it's just like feeling like everybody needs me.

00:32:45.415 --> 00:32:46.405
Yeah, you know I'm like.

00:32:46.405 --> 00:32:48.089
Oh, you know you need too.

00:32:48.410 --> 00:32:49.092
Add it to the list.

00:32:49.092 --> 00:32:51.557
It's hard, yeah, it's hard, hard to balance.

00:32:51.557 --> 00:32:56.884
Even if you can't like afford like some big trip, I think it's important to just get away.

00:32:56.884 --> 00:33:17.804
Even if you go run a cabin in Flagstaff or like a staycation, like something, away from being mom and dad and the responsibilities, because I, without those responsibilities and we're just like on a trip, it's like I'm like, oh, I love him.

00:33:17.884 --> 00:33:18.446
Do you think that's why?

00:33:18.467 --> 00:33:19.249
you travel so much?

00:33:19.249 --> 00:33:20.291
I'm being serious?

00:33:20.291 --> 00:33:30.549
No, so I do, and especially because our kids are so busy, it's like truly uninterrupted family time, and Ben is way different, so he can't relax.

00:33:30.904 --> 00:33:33.911
He's not a relaxed guy, but he can lay on a beach all day.

00:33:33.911 --> 00:33:40.034
So he doesn't like even if we have a weekend off, he makes up weird chores, yeah.

00:33:40.034 --> 00:33:42.385
And he's like, okay, we're going to do this, and a lot of times we're dividing.

00:33:42.385 --> 00:33:45.935
He's like, hey, I'm taking bear to the batting cages or I'm taking CJ driving.

00:33:45.935 --> 00:33:51.204
When he was learning to drive, it was like so then our weekend off wasn't really like anything together.

00:33:51.204 --> 00:33:54.471
Or the kids made plans because they're like, yeah, social now.

00:33:54.471 --> 00:34:06.875
So I feel like the vacations is truly like uninterrupted family time and we like you're out of your comfort zone, so you're a little nicer, yeah, and like you're like depending on each other more like my kids are getting along.

00:34:06.934 --> 00:34:08.286
I'm like who are these kids, you know?

00:34:08.286 --> 00:34:10.150
Yeah, totally so it's better.

00:34:10.150 --> 00:34:20.043
I feel like I I just yeah, I really like that, and then we like have a memory, and then we like talk about it after and like remember that you know yeah, what is the memory you guys talk about?

00:34:20.043 --> 00:34:25.554
No, but just different things like yeah, no, I don't know, but I do think that's probably why yeah.

00:34:26.016 --> 00:34:27.666
I Kyle relaxed out of town too.

00:34:27.666 --> 00:34:28.791
It's one of my things like.

00:34:28.791 --> 00:34:30.858
I love vacation, kyle, yeah.

00:34:30.898 --> 00:34:33.907
I really like the other Kyle, but vacation Kyle so fun, so fun.

00:34:33.907 --> 00:34:37.746
Or casino Kyle, or like this weekend he was super fun after golfing all day.

00:34:37.746 --> 00:34:51.313
But he has this thing, doctor, in her book she talked about this dad um, the wife stayed home and the guy, when he'd get home, he would just start analyzing what she didn't do right for the day, and I was like that was how it was when I stayed home.

00:34:51.313 --> 00:34:53.684
Yeah, he'd walk in and be like so did the so-and-so?

00:34:53.684 --> 00:34:55.427
And I'd be like, really, you just walked in.

00:34:55.427 --> 00:34:58.092
Yeah, but she talked about how that dad.

00:34:58.452 --> 00:35:01.599
It was his own insecurity from his childhood of never being perfect.

00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:06.614
So his, his train to like criticize everything for his own insecurity of trying to be great.

00:35:06.614 --> 00:35:10.068
And so the whatever the wife had to learn to teach him.

00:35:10.068 --> 00:35:12.876
Like you're criticizing has to do with you, not me.

00:35:12.876 --> 00:35:14.668
Yeah, and I feel like Kyle's like that.

00:35:14.668 --> 00:35:19.458
Sometimes he's like very hard on himself, like he didn't want to go golfing on Saturday because we had my nieces and nephew.

00:35:19.458 --> 00:35:23.878
I'm like Kyle, it's fine, like you'll see them for the next 15 years.

00:35:24.300 --> 00:35:28.829
You never do anything for yourself, but it's like the shoulds, that's like a thing you shouldn't should on yourself.00:35:28.829 --> 00:35:33.833


Yeah, like we all do, like I should do this and like we were just talking about I should wake up early.00:35:33.833 --> 00:35:40.240


And Melissa, who you know is with us in here, she was like well, if you don't want to wake up early, then go work out later.00:35:40.240 --> 00:35:43.913


And I'm like you're right, we should ourselves so much Like I'm a big shitter.00:35:43.913 --> 00:35:46.326


Right, I used to be even more counseling.00:35:46.326 --> 00:35:46.867


Help me with that.00:35:46.867 --> 00:35:54.576


She was like don't should, if you want to do it, do it, because I would do things for people, because I should, and then I would get mad at them that they didn't appreciate it.00:35:54.596 --> 00:35:56.077


Yeah, like the and she was like that's your fault.00:35:56.097 --> 00:36:09.871


You were like doing it for a result, yeah, yeah, like I was like well, you know, the right thing to do is we should go to like we have a lot of nieces and nephews and if, if I were to be the best aunt, I all weekend would be at sports again, literally all weekend with my own.00:36:09.871 --> 00:36:13.512


So I always feel bad when I have a weekend and I don't hit their events.00:36:13.512 --> 00:36:20.858


But I also am like I would go because I want to, but then the one weekend we're home, which was last weekend, we haven't been home in forever.00:36:20.858 --> 00:36:22.559


I should have gone.00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:30.791


But if I only went because I should do, you know when you do that and then you're mad, yeah, like something happens, say I would have gone and then no one even talked to me while I was there, I'd be like I didn't even want to come.00:36:41.224 --> 00:36:45.679


And then I yeah, you know, it's like so often we do Kyle's very like that he does what we should do, yeah, you know, and like we should save our money and the should sometimes is like distorted.00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:46.362


That's where it's kind of weird.00:36:46.362 --> 00:36:57.353


Like I was talking to Kyle and he was like he didn't want to go on a trip with his family but because he felt like he had to do like something else, yeah, he felt like he couldn't miss work.00:36:57.353 --> 00:36:58.737


Yes, that's what it was.00:36:58.737 --> 00:37:02.851


He was like I don't want to be gone that long because he has workers.00:37:02.851 --> 00:37:05.612


And he's like the guys like what would I do?00:37:05.612 --> 00:37:06.949


Like give them the week off?00:37:06.949 --> 00:37:08.952


And I'm like, yeah, you're the boss.00:37:09.184 --> 00:37:10.530


Like this is a made up.00:37:10.530 --> 00:37:12.849


He has the rules, but it's a made up rule.00:37:12.849 --> 00:37:13.793


That's wrong.00:37:13.793 --> 00:37:14.653


I made up rule that is so many wrong.00:37:14.653 --> 00:37:16.574


I'm like the rule should be that you don't miss your son's thing.00:37:16.574 --> 00:37:17.956


Right, that should be the rule.00:37:17.956 --> 00:37:24.101


Yeah, you're right, the rule should be you're not missing your son's once in a lifetime trip and yet you give everyone the week off and who cares?00:37:24.101 --> 00:37:27.192


You know, you're right, but it's like the made up rule.00:37:27.192 --> 00:37:28.735


That is like the wrong rule.00:37:29.056 --> 00:37:42.786


You know, I feel, like there's a lot of those, because even at work that's a hard thing is like to answer your phone late at night, right, like I should answer because I want to be the best agent and always be available, but and I should text them right back and ignore everyone.00:37:42.786 --> 00:37:43.728


I'm with right.00:37:43.728 --> 00:37:50.773


Um, I do that, but it's like sometimes like maybe we shouldn't do that and we should be focused.00:37:50.773 --> 00:37:54.927


In an hour we can get back to them and it's not going to be that different, totally, I don't know.00:37:54.927 --> 00:37:57.112


I think that's hard in all things Shit.00:37:57.291 --> 00:37:59.637


Knowing what's the right response.00:37:59.677 --> 00:38:06.222


Yeah, you know I have like a lot of rules for myself, kind of like Kyle, so if we're not careful the two of us could rule ourselves silly, it's like crazy, you know.00:38:06.443 --> 00:38:08.271


Yeah, see, I feel like at least Ben and I balance.00:38:08.472 --> 00:38:18.007


Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, do you think that's childhood?00:38:18.027 --> 00:38:19.231


My parents didn't really give me that many roles.00:38:19.231 --> 00:38:19.492


I don't know.00:38:19.492 --> 00:38:22.318


Anyways, I don't know, I think it's just personalities.00:38:22.318 --> 00:38:23.965


Yeah, I don't know.00:38:23.965 --> 00:38:27.693


Yeah, cause I don't feel like I think it's just personalities.00:38:27.693 --> 00:38:31.567


Yeah, but no, you guys are good, I think.00:38:31.567 --> 00:38:34.291


Yeah, it's just hard but it's important.00:38:34.291 --> 00:38:38.300


Like our pastor Don always said, you got to get away without the kids once a year.00:38:38.300 --> 00:38:40.793


It doesn't need to be something extravagant, but you got to get away.00:38:40.793 --> 00:38:46.471


And it's so hard when they're young, or it's hard when they're in sports yeah, as I feel like those are the two really hard stages.00:38:46.471 --> 00:38:53.489


To leave them when they're little and then to miss things, yeah, but like when there's 10,000 games, you can miss a game.00:38:53.489 --> 00:39:03.106


To go be with your husband, yeah, and like that is more important to the kids it is, it's hard to do and like I want my daughter to know, to see that and I want my sons to see that.00:39:03.226 --> 00:39:05.612


Yeah, like you know, you make your marriage a priority.00:39:05.612 --> 00:39:07.626


Yeah, because we're like modeling, you know.00:39:07.847 --> 00:39:11.543


Yeah my parents, friday night, went to the casino every single night my whole life.00:39:11.643 --> 00:39:14.369


Everybody knew my parents something or not they took the seats out of the van.00:39:14.809 --> 00:39:17.293


I know they were were doing it in the van and they took the seats out.00:39:17.293 --> 00:39:19.657


And again to society.00:39:19.657 --> 00:39:21.900


And this is the thing right If we didn't?00:39:21.900 --> 00:39:23.108


We grew up with not a lot of money.00:39:23.108 --> 00:39:27.445


It maybe wasn't the right thing to go to the casino when you don't have money.00:39:27.485 --> 00:39:31.911


And now that your dad's gone your mom doesn't care that she didn't have money or doesn't have money.00:39:31.911 --> 00:39:33.974


She cares that she has all those Friday nights with him.00:39:34.275 --> 00:39:38.902


Yeah, kyle and I, our first trip where we left the kids was our five year and I had just had a hysterectomy.00:39:38.902 --> 00:39:44.432


I don't think we were, I think we're on the outs, um, and we had no money like none.00:39:44.432 --> 00:39:48.905


And we went to Vegas and we, vegas is like a cash place.00:39:48.905 --> 00:39:51.670


Yeah, if my mother-in-law heard this, she would kill me.00:39:51.670 --> 00:39:55.596


So we, like, did a cash advance against our credit cards.00:39:55.775 --> 00:40:02.992


Stop, because you needed cash to like go to Vegas To gamble yeah, I didn't gamble back then but Kyle needed it and it was like we shouldn't have gone.00:40:02.992 --> 00:40:08.269


No, like I had just had surgery, like four days before Right, like it's a lot of walking, and we had no money.00:40:08.269 --> 00:40:23.213


We were going to put it on the credit card and we were going to take on their honeymoon and it was like a we shouldn't go right now.00:40:23.213 --> 00:40:23.916


Yeah, and I was like you, you should.00:40:23.916 --> 00:40:25.925


Yeah, and Kyle and I went and we put like thousand dollars on the credit card and it was stressful.00:40:25.925 --> 00:40:32.126


But all these years later, it was the first time I ever left my kids and we had the best time and you probably will remember that forever.00:40:32.126 --> 00:40:35.614


We remember always and you know the debt got paid off and it was fine.00:40:35.614 --> 00:40:37.436


You know like, yeah, I'm all well.00:40:37.456 --> 00:40:43.552


That's why we're going to Greece Like it's not the best timing though, with Cooperstown, and then we're doing the cruise with the kids.00:40:43.552 --> 00:40:48.490


It's like expensive trips back to back, yeah, but I feel like it's our 15 year.00:40:48.490 --> 00:40:49.414


We never took a honeymoon.00:40:49.414 --> 00:40:52.789


Yeah, we never have gone trip ever.00:40:52.789 --> 00:40:58.519


Just us, you guys, really, or even like you know no, and you've always gone for other people.00:40:58.744 --> 00:41:01.172


Yeah, like we've gone on birthday trips, but they weren't even that long.00:41:01.213 --> 00:41:05.735


I think the longest we've left is four or five days, yeah we've never gone like for a long time.00:41:05.855 --> 00:41:08.815


I know and I want to go but maybe I'm supposed to let you guys go alone.00:41:08.815 --> 00:41:11.385


No, come, but I still I'm talking myself into going right now.00:41:11.385 --> 00:41:12.547


Again, you need to come.00:41:12.547 --> 00:41:20.585


I just love a cruise and the time alone yeah, but even a date night like sometimes I'll be like it's so much more work yeah, but then when we go, it's so fun, even going with our friends.00:41:20.585 --> 00:41:27.528


I feel like you've got to fill your cup with your friends and you've got to fill your cup with your husband, and then you've got to fill your cup with your kids and then you've got to fill your cup with your God.00:41:27.528 --> 00:41:27.909


Yeah.00:41:28.150 --> 00:41:49.255


Well, I still feel it's all those things Yourself, like your faith your relationships with your people, that you're close to your family and then your spouse, but not in that order, no, but it's hard to hit all those things and then I think when we're all trying to be successful, we're hitting our success first, cause well, I do cause.00:41:49.255 --> 00:41:52.927


I'm like, uh, want to achieve and sometimes I forget that achieving.00:41:52.927 --> 00:41:56.032


We've been really good about that lately with work, with the changes.00:41:56.032 --> 00:41:58.757


We've really been focused more on connecting with people than the outcome.00:41:58.757 --> 00:42:01.648


Yeah, and I feel like I'm way more fulfilled than when I was quitting.00:42:02.411 --> 00:42:05.809


I think that's where I was burnt out is I was forgetting the meaning behind it.00:42:05.809 --> 00:42:10.347


And like the joy of it is getting to work with people I love and getting to pour into people I love.00:42:10.347 --> 00:42:15.494


But, like so often when we do a job we love, we forget what we love about it because the job is changing.00:42:15.494 --> 00:42:19.199


What we love, yeah, you know, like you did when you were a stripper.00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:24.873


Yeah, she used to love connecting, yeah, but then when it came about the tips, it changed it, for you it changes you know.00:42:25.193 --> 00:42:26.677


No, but even serving, I love serving.00:42:26.677 --> 00:42:30.570


I would be a server in a second, yeah, or a barista I really want to do.00:42:30.570 --> 00:42:33.152


Maybe do it you know.00:42:33.713 --> 00:42:35.036


Well, when I was quitting, I was gonna.00:42:35.036 --> 00:42:39.605


I'm not doing that, yeah, no, I don't know Again.00:42:39.605 --> 00:42:41.291


I think I have dreams, though, that I'm like a server still.00:42:41.291 --> 00:43:00.255


Me too and I made so much money and I'm triple sat and I can't catch up and it's so stressful, or like I forgot how to work the computer, like I have that one recurring, I should you know, and everyone's fast at it and I used to be fast at it and now I'm all you know.00:43:00.295 --> 00:43:01.036


It's so weird, that's funny.00:43:01.036 --> 00:43:16.148


I know it's so hard while we're living life to remember that in 10 years, what's really going to matter today, just like we said about the five-year anniversary, like in 10 years from now, like me going to Greece with you it's going to matter more it is than the things that I'm stressing about exactly.00:43:16.148 --> 00:43:19.496


You know, you know and vacations are our thing.00:43:19.817 --> 00:43:29.175


Yeah, I know we probably annoy people with how many vacations we take, but and I do feel like we have to justify that sometimes but I also think everybody has different ways that they spend money.00:43:29.786 --> 00:43:33.592


Yeah, and some people are going to retire and I never will because I'm spending it all on vacations.00:43:35.505 --> 00:43:36.851


But there's, things right yeah.00:43:39.684 --> 00:43:40.507


Like my, I'm spending it all on vacations.00:43:40.507 --> 00:43:48.869


But there's things right, like, like my, patio cushions have holes, literal holes, because it's like $5,000 for new patio stuff and I'm like, no, I'd rather go, yeah, on a trip, yeah.00:43:49.130 --> 00:43:54.228


So if you think you can't, maybe find a way to Ken and cut other things to make that a priority.00:43:54.670 --> 00:43:57.884


But if that's not your thing, then find something that is yeah.00:43:58.706 --> 00:44:09.273


But so often in life do you think there's so many things we do that we don't enjoy Like I felt like that's one of the things again with my dad and everything, I learned that there was so many things in a day I was doing that I didn't enjoy.00:44:09.273 --> 00:44:11.237


Yeah, like a lot.00:44:11.358 --> 00:44:16.599


Yeah, I do think that is an important thing in life, though, because sometimes you don't enjoy things and you need to.00:44:16.599 --> 00:44:28.164


That's like when your kids are little, like making 50 snacks, like you don't always enjoy it, but you learn to enjoy, like there's joy in everything yeah, those are the things.00:44:28.244 --> 00:44:29.527


They're like 50 people.00:44:29.668 --> 00:44:39.257


I love everyone, but want to meet me for coffee or this or that like weird and I'm doing 20 of those in a week, yeah, where it's like when I could have gone to the gym or I could have made myself a priority or I could have gone.00:44:39.257 --> 00:44:54.030


You know, like there's a lot of things I go to for other people, a lot that I am not doing as much of and I'm not worse off it Like, yeah, of course I don't always love staging and this and that, yeah, my responsibilities are different than the things that you fill your time with because you feel like you should.00:44:54.030 --> 00:44:57.927


Those are like different to me.00:44:57.927 --> 00:44:58.628


Yeah, like a lot of things.00:44:58.628 --> 00:45:05.856


You know, like I'm like I'll just do it and I'll just do it, and sometimes, like I've learned that, no, I don't have to just do it, no, they'll find someone else if I say no Totally.00:45:05.856 --> 00:45:06.826


You know, yeah, I don't know.00:45:07.146 --> 00:45:10.170


Well, I think you're obviously like we're supposed.00:45:10.170 --> 00:45:20.240


We're called to be a light for others, for God, and like be there for people that are like sure Jesus and all that.00:45:20.240 --> 00:45:23.315


So I think I'm trying to like figure out the right way to say it.00:45:23.315 --> 00:45:34.777


So I think sometimes it can be a slippery slope of like you have to do that, but then if it's taking away from maybe pouring into your family, yeah, you know, but I think that's where you've been volunteering at church.00:45:34.817 --> 00:45:39.485


I loved it, right, but like it was another thing on my plate, right, you know, and it was like I ended up cutting it.00:45:39.485 --> 00:45:43.094


So it's hard to know when it's people and God.00:45:43.155 --> 00:45:49.838


That's what I'm saying, and like God wants us to share and make those relationships and pour into people.00:45:49.838 --> 00:45:51.431


So it's hard to know what you know.00:45:51.530 --> 00:45:52.753


That's like pastors how do they do it?00:45:52.753 --> 00:45:55.476


Or business CEOs but you look at some of the best CEOs.00:45:55.536 --> 00:45:56.677


Well, they cut other things.00:45:56.677 --> 00:45:58.177


Yeah, I don't know.00:45:59.177 --> 00:45:59.797


Yeah, all right.00:45:59.797 --> 00:46:01.159


So things we've learned today.00:46:01.159 --> 00:46:04.300


Touch your husband's privates when there's other people around.00:46:04.300 --> 00:46:06.501


Yeah, give him a little like Tug.00:46:07.362 --> 00:46:14.114


I don't do that that way, but I just give a little Go on vacations if you can and you know, do the right thing, don't should yourself.00:46:14.295 --> 00:46:15.536


Yeah, that's it.00:46:15.536 --> 00:46:23.789


Welcome to Jerking Around A podcast that makes you feel better about yourself, because we're a mess just like you and Crystal makes fun of me the whole time and it's great, and it's real.